Strategizing Session

skysblue · May 01, 2012, 07:30 PM

Okay, so here it is. You only have 50 minutes. Wait, you only have 50 minutes for a whole week.

You have an ongoing pretty serious issue that you've been grappling with for awhile.

Then a new urgent problem presents itself. This new problem is potentially negatively life altering.

But you've just had a semi-rupture with your T.

AND, she's leaving on vacation.

Sooooooo, how to best utilize those precious few 50 minutes?

Probably just give it up and don't believe that 50 minutes will resolve anything or help at all. You're on your own, kid.

Wren_ · May 01, 2012, 07:34 PM

Maybe put aside the rupture if you can for now? (could you?) and work through it when she returns - even tell her that you are doing that but time limit it ... focus on the new issue and get some work on that so that you are at least a bit more secure on handling it; and if there is time left over touch on the other ongoing issue?

Horrible time for her to be leaving on vacation

elliemay · May 01, 2012, 07:43 PM

Can your therapist provide insight into the potentially negatively life altering problem?

unaluna · May 01, 2012, 07:59 PM

If this was me, I would say I conjured up one or other of the problems to keep me from focusing on the one I really did not want to face. No, wait - giving myself too much credit there; that's what my former T's would have said I was doing; I would not be so self-aware.
I would give T a quick summary of both issues in the first 5-10 minutes or so - she may be able to see a link between them (my T always does by the end of session, I don't know how!) and let her lead a bit. I like to have my cake and eat it too!

May 01, 2012, 08:01 PM

Deal with the urgent issue. It probably needs most immediate attention.

skysblue · May 01, 2012, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Deal with the urgent issue. It probably needs most immediate attention.

I think you're right. It's so hard with so much emotion bouncing around in so many places. But the urgent one is real, Hankster, not something invented to manipulate T. I'm not exaggerating by saying that if I don't get help with this latest challenge, my life may collapse around me. But how can I get help from T when my trust in her is so shaky and when she'll be gone? This is too tough.

stopdog · May 01, 2012, 08:07 PM

I would probably cancel and just start over when the break ended. I am not saying anyone else should do it that way - but it would be the only way I would not end up with serious injury from si out of a need to end to the frustration.

skysblue · May 01, 2012, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elliemay

Can your therapist provide insight into the potentially negatively life altering problem?

Insight exists but insight doesn't help. I don't really think T can help. Their powers are not magical. I think I'm doomed.

Wren_ · May 01, 2012, 08:13 PM

Can you focus on ... what area your trust is shaky. I could be off (sorry) but it relates mostly to that she forgot you'd discussed something doesn't it? so ... your trust regarding her not placing enough importance and remembering what is important to you is shaky; but you still know that she has given you good advice and insight in the past? Or rather I should say, do you still know? and if there is a yes, can you go with that and let her address the new urgent issue even while there are areas where your trust with her on other things needs work

Wren_ · May 01, 2012, 08:14 PM

What would help sky? it may not change the situation, but to help you cope; can we do anything?

skysblue · May 01, 2012, 08:20 PM

I guess I'm also bawling because she's leaving and I'll be alone, completely alone, with the challenge of my life.

Wren_ · May 01, 2012, 08:36 PM

you still have us here sky; i know it isn't the same ... but hang on to that please

and ... i hope you can share some of this with her

sittingatwatersedge · May 02, 2012, 05:33 AM

if you have another reliable advisor in your life (say, a pastor), maybe that's where you could talk about the new issue, and spend yr hour with yr T about the ongoing serious issue. ??

skysblue · May 02, 2012, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

if you have another reliable advisor in your life (say, a pastor), maybe that's where you could talk about the new issue, and spend yr hour with yr T about the ongoing serious issue. ??

Nah, spending so many months revealing yourself to one person, the T, creates a bond that isn't easily duplicated somewhere else. So,no, there is not another person with whom I can confide.

I feel like what a small child might feel. He's mad at mommy because mommy did something he didn't like and he's pouting. But the moment a real threat appears, he runs to mommy for his safety even though he's still mad at her.

So, my rupture with T, although not forgotten by any means, has not fundamentally destroyed my need for her help and her guidance. I am compelled to seek her support for my urgent and potentially life destroying upcoming challenge.

stopdog · May 02, 2012, 09:39 AM

Good luck with the appointment.

sittingatwatersedge · May 02, 2012, 09:58 AM

maybe y ou can ask T for an extended session, or an extra one, before the break?

skysblue · May 02, 2012, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

maybe y ou can ask T for an extended session, or an extra one, before the break?

Yeah, I guess I'll take that extra Friday slot she's saving for me. Geez, can you believe it? Just 5 days ago I was trying to cancel this week's appointments to prepare myself for her being gone and now I'm finding my need greater than ever.

skysblue · May 02, 2012, 01:40 PM

I'm thinking now, just 3 hours before session, that lowering expectations of my T is probably a good strategy. Believing she can 'save' me is an unrealistic hope and desire. Knowing that she is just another human being who really probably cannot help me will make my session less painful and its aftermath less painful. I can't think of anything she could say or do that could help. Why pour out and spill all those deep emotions only to have to quickly contain them again? What's the point? Better to hold them tightly close because once they're released it is too hard to live.

rainbow8 · May 02, 2012, 02:01 PM

Good luck with your session.

The way I've dealt with the limited time is to think "How will I feel when I leave if I say/don't say this? Will I leave crying because I talked about _____ when my gut told me I needed to talk about ______? "

skysblue · May 02, 2012, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Good luck with your session.

The way I've dealt with the limited time is to think "How will I feel when I leave if I say/don't say this? Will I leave crying because I talked about _____ when my gut told me I needed to talk about ______? "

My feeling right now is that I must talk to her about my sui thoughts. I want to bury and hide those feelings, especially with her leaving but I think I will explode if I don't talk about what's agonizing me. And that's not even the urgent issue which is also extremely important. Why is this happening to me just before she's leaving?

SpiritRunner · May 02, 2012, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skysblue

My feeling right now is that I must talk to her about my sui thoughts. I want to bury and hide those feelings, especially with her leaving but I think I will explode if I don't talk about what's agonizing me. And that's not even the urgent issue which is also extremely important. Why is this happening to me just before she's leaving?

Absolutely you must be honest about those sui thoughts. To bury and hide that would be more dangerous than bringing them to the light.
Her leaving is part of what's bringing these things up with such intensity and urgency.
I am SO glad you are going to go! So so so glad.
And of course she can't 'save' you. That would be an unfair, unrealistic burden and expectation to put on her. But she CAN help you learn how to save yourself - or, to rescue yourself, as my T1 put it to me last year. She said, I can't rescue - if I could have, I would have; but you have to rescue yourself. And I thought, what does she mean and I thought, that is not possible and I cannot do it, how could I do it?!

But I learned, it is possible. You can have compassion on yourself for this hurt, these emotions ...... and offer yourself comfort in that.

stopdog · May 02, 2012, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skysblue

My feeling right now is that I must talk to her about my sui thoughts. I want to bury and hide those feelings, especially with her leaving but I think I will explode if I don't talk about what's agonizing me. And that's not even the urgent issue which is also extremely important. Why is this happening to me just before she's leaving?

I am not trying to be flippant or unfeeling, but from what I have read those therapist guys think it happens all the time that clients have emergencies arise as the therapist goes away on vacation or whatever. I am not saying it is a response by you because of her going away, but just that it does seem to come up.

rainbow8 · May 02, 2012, 02:18 PM

sui thoughts sound pretty urgent to me!!!! Maybe they are due to the "other urgent" topic? Maybe just go in and BE there and don't fight your feelings, whatever comes out of your mouth first. I'll be thinking of you!!!

skysblue · May 02, 2012, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am not trying to be flippant or unfeeling, but from what I have read those therapist guys think it happens all the time that clients have emergencies arise as the therapist goes away on vacation or whatever. I am not saying it is a response by you because of her going away, but just that it does seem to come up.

My urgent situation has appeared from outside of me and has revved up a really painful issue I've been struggling with for years. I did not dredge it up because T is leaving. It came from an unexpected and surprising outside circumstance.

T left for a month in November and it went well for me. I did not manipulate my feelings for that separation and it was a long long separation.

Now, it's just unfortunate timing between her leaving and tough stuff appearing just this week - and of course following our rupture.

On the other hand, maybe I am exaggerating it for full effect. Maybe I am stimulating the emotions subconsciously for reasons you, Stopdog are suggesting. Maybe it would be better to just let them settle down and not bring them up in session. Maybe I am just seeking attention.

stopdog · May 02, 2012, 02:50 PM

I was not meaning to suggest your situation is not real or that you are seeking attention. I was just relating therapists I have read indicate they are sort of used to emergency types of issues before they leave.

I do hope the therapist is useful for you in whichever of the issues you decide to broach.

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