Coping with T's limitations

and mean it, when they say so. They know the work is hard and that the temptation to bug out, even temporarily, is tremendous.

You're absolutely right, stopdog. It is nice to connect with a sense of power in the therapy setting.

The T telling you you couldn't just quit sounds ridiculous. Of course you can.

And you're right too that I don't imagine my T making me feel ashamed for changing my mind. That would come from me.

Thank you, dreamy. I really appreciate your perspective. I think you're absolutely right that my T is being as warm as she can be. I get caught up in whether I want too much from her (clearly more than she can provide), or if I want too much from everyone. I do think she cares, but it's also really easy for me to lose sight of that.

I met with my pdoc today, who recommended that I take a break from therapy, given the difficult dynamic with my T, at least until after I have my baby. She agreed that the stress of the therapy relationship is probably not helping with my mood and suggested that I put my resources into meeting with a doula instead. She essentially pointed out that the dynamic with my T is pulling me away from my family, and I think she's right.

Yes, I know!

On the fight for me thing, I get the desire, but I'm trying to imagine what would happen if Ts did this. I imagine they have clients quit pretty frequently, so if they invested effort into fighting for all of them, how much energy would they have left to just help the clients that want to be there.

It's also a way I think of exposing us to a different kind of relationship where we are free to go without having a huge guilt trip placed on us or staying out of fear either for our own well-being or theirs. It is a relationship of choice.

Not questioning you about it can just be a sign of taking you seriously. I had an AA sponsee once who told me he was done and never wanted to talk to me again. When he called a couple days later, he was baffled that I was surprised to hear from him--that I had taken him at his word, and I had to remind him I don't read minds.

I think one of the goals of therapy is letting our yes mean yes and our no mean no, without expecting others to figure out what we're REALLY saying. But, we are allowed to change our mind as well. It's about words becoming more for saying what we mean and less a tool for getting what we want.

You're thinking rationally.

That can be a barrier to understanding.

Yes, absolutely. I can be the master of indirect communication, which is not at all helpful. And it's also counter to what I want to be doing. I do appreciate that my T is taking me at my word and respecting my decisions and my autonomy. The nagging emotions surrounding all of it can be such a b itch, though.

I spent the first day after I decided not to return to T feeling relieved and freer. Then the day after that, I swung back to feeling miserable. Today is somewhere in between.

Now, if only I could integrate rationality and emotion into some kind of useful guide

Exactly! If only my head and my heart would pull in the same direction...

I find myself also struggling to cope with my therapist's limitations. I wish she would hug me but she won't - I've asked. I wish I was her daughter (someone else) instead of myself. She knows that as well and that I love her. I wrote it in one of my many journals. I have never said it out loud to her though. I am scared to. I have had numerous (don't know how many exactly) times that I thought about quitting therapy but I stayed. Last month there was 2 weeks that I canceled one of the twice per week sessions that I have with her. That's the closest I've gotten to quitting. I am afraid to leave therapy with her. I don't want to start at square one with a new therapist. With Mother's Day being tomorrow I wish I could spend some time with therapist instead of my mother. Therapist is trying to encourage me to hug my mom and tell her I love her instead of doing those things to her (therapist).

I've also had it the other way in that I had a therapist not have limitations and boundaries were crossed. That did more harm than good. Yet I still wish those things above would happen with my current therapist even though it might not be in my best interest.

So I can empathize with these posts.

I wish therapy wasn't so difficult.