So my partner wants to do couples counseling now and my T agreed to see me as well as us. Is this wise? Do we need a seperate Couples T?

My husband and I seeing my T did not work. We also tried seeing my husband's T (who really just isn't a very good therapist) and that was not great either. We are seeing someone who doesn't know either of us, and I'm not sure how well that is going. But, that may just be us and nothing is going to work. I don't know.

[Perna]

I would start with what you have, see how it works and then do something different if necessary. If your partner wants the marriage counseling, I'd let them pick/decide on the T?

[purplelephant]

I think combining could be tough. My parents want to do Family T with my T and I actually refused to sit in the room when I found out because I hate the idea so much. Then again, my parents and I don't really get along. Give this a shot with your partner, but make it clear up front that if you feel uncomfortable with it you will want to find someone else to work with.

I would keep your current T just for you and go to someone different for your marriage counseling. Cause your T is for you-he is your support system. T's do know how to be a neutral party when they need to be but if there is ever a situation where he validates what your SO feels or anything like that-it may create ruptures between you and T. I don't know-I've never been in this situation-but its just something to think about.

My husband and I use the the same T for individual therapy and also for couple's counseling on occasion. (He also works with one of our sons.) It has worked beautifully for us because he knows both of us equally well and has a fine tuned grasp of our family dynamics. Neither of us are possessive or jealous of someone else seeing our T, so that hasn't been an issue at all. I think it depends on how you will respond individually to your T working with someone else right in front of you (and sometimes you may be on the hot seat). Can you handle that dynamic? If so, it should probably work. If not, a separate "neutral" T might be a better fit.

Originally Posted by Perna

I would start with what you have, see how it works and then do something different if necessary. If your partner wants the marriage counseling, I'd let them pick/decide on the T?

My partner doesnt even "buy into" therapy....until i took her with me to see my T last week and now she is all....call him set us up an appointment.... So he agreeded and he and I also agreed that if I start to feel weird about it, he can recommend a couples counselor for us. He was mine first....LOL ( never thought Id hear me saying that one...lol)

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

So my partner wants to do couples counseling now and my T agreed to see me as well as us. Is this wise? Do we need a seperate Couples T?

My XH and I saw my individual T for couples therapy. It worked really well for us. However, my T is a Family Systems therapist, and they are trained to see different combinations of family members from the same family. They know how to handle this. Can you ask your T if they have done this before and have the training? Also, ask in their opinion what are the pros and cons? My T told me before we started that some clients can't handle it as they get jealous of having to share their T in the session with another person. He said he tries to be sensitive to this and be sure to give a strong presence of himself to both members of the couple so that each feels paid attention to and not abandoned. He said some clients cannot get past this, though, and in that case he recommends that the couple see another T for marriage therapy. I think the easiest way to find if it will work for you is to have a couple of joint sessions and see how it goes. Good luck.

[2or3things]

Hi Lola--

Not to be too off-topic, but I just wanted to say that I'm glad to hear that your partner wants to try to work things out.

--2or3

2or3.... no worries, i function best off topic. I am glad that SHE wants to WORK on it....she was the one that suggested I go to T in the first place....LOL do you see the irony?

Thanks Sunrise - my T is a Psy.D and I know he counsels couples

[WikidPissah]

Really glad you and your partner are trying to work it out. I have had family counseling with my T, but he was advocating on my behalf so it was fairly easy. Not sure how I would feel if doing that on a regular basis though. Good Luck!

[geez]

I see my own T and if my husband wants to go to therapy for himself someday he will have a different T. On the subject of marriage counseling we went to a T that neither of us had seen before. In marriage therapy I felt a connection with that T and she said she wouldn't take me on as an individual because of a conflict (legally if she ever had to go to court and testify it puts her in a conflict of interest when it comes to representing either one of us - not that we have any problems that require a court room :-). However she did agree to take me on for two - three sessions to try EFT as it relates to my marriage (in addition to me seeing my old T). After that she recommended another T to me and I ended up finding T 2 who specializes in trauma.

It's your decision but from my experience I think it would be best for you and your partner to have separate individual T's and a separate marriage T.

Best of luck!

Originally Posted by sunrise

My XH and I saw my individual T for couples therapy. It worked really well for us. However, my T is a Family Systems therapist, and they are trained to see different combinations of family members from the same family. They know how to handle this. Can you ask your T if they have done this before and have the training? Also, ask in their opinion what are the pros and cons? My T told me before we started that some clients can't handle it as they get jealous of having to share their T in the session with another person. He said he tries to be sensitive to this and be sure to give a strong presence of himself to both members of the couple so that each feels paid attention to and not abandoned. He said some clients cannot get past this, though, and in that case he recommends that the couple see another T for marriage therapy. I think the easiest way to find if it will work for you is to have a couple of joint sessions and see how it goes. Good luck.

Hey sunrise, if it's your X husband, clearly it didn't work THAT well, huh?

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Hey sunrise, if it's your X husband, clearly it didn't work THAT well, huh?

LOL.....nice catch...... attorney right? LMFAO

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Hey sunrise, if it's your X husband, clearly it didn't work THAT well, huh?

We went for couples therapy to uncouple, not to stay in the marriage. T left that possibility open, but both of us wanted out of the marriage. The couples therapy we did with my T was very successful. We separated without animosity, developed communication skills that have served us well, have a great co-parenting relationship, and each have a big role in our children's lives. No better uncoupling than that! Thank you, T. You were a life saver.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

So my partner wants to do couples counseling now and my T agreed to see me as well as us. Is this wise? Do we need a seperate Couples T?

That's an encouraging sign!

My T insists that the marriage T should be someone completely neutral. Ideally someone neither of you has met before.

Thank you all for your responses...I have T today, he told me yesterday I was afraid of my partner stepping on my boundaries , with her and I seeing my T .... We will discuss today.

[stopdog]

I hope you and your partner find a therapist who can work for the both of you. I would not be able to use a therapist either of us knew. I would feel ganged up on.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I hope you and your partner find a therapist who can work for the both of you. I would not be able to use a therapist either of us knew. I would feel ganged up on.

As it stands now, we had one session together and oddly, I felt just the opposite. I felt like he was in my corner , although my partner didnt feel that way, so thats good. If it gets to weird, Ill have him refer us to another T for counseling. Secretly I am hoping that she will see she needs Therapy too and maybe she will get her own T., couldnt resist the hug...you understand dont ya Stop?