[Mike_J]

So my uncle died from cancer on Friday, I’m sure it was horrible for him and his family. He was only diagnosed 3 months ago, and now he is gone. I want to tell my therapist that while I feel bad for his family and him, I also feel envious of him, 3 months isn’t that long to suffer, I have been suffering for decades. And getting the time to get things in order, say your good byes and not leave anyone feeling guilty because you killed yourself seems so peaceful. Though I’m sure it wasn’t “peaceful” for him, I know he was fighting for every day, something I wouldn’t do, I would want to stay out of the hospital as long as possible and forgo treatments that would bring down the quality of the limited amount of time I had left even if that meant passing up treatments that had a slight chance of saving my life.

I know this is a VERY unhealthy way to feel, and should try to move to a more healthy outlook about this, but my therapist lost her sister to cancer a bit over a year ago, I don’t think I could make her listen to me explain how I somehow feel that my uncle was “lucky” to go out the way he did, knowing it would bring up so many unpleasant feelings in my therapist. Yes I know I should be worried about my feelings not hers but I can’t

[mcl6136]

I'm missing something. Why do you need to bring this up, because of the envy?

I don't think any of this is a very good deal...yours, his, or her tragedies.

but comparison is the basis of all misery, as they say in the East.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

So my uncle died from cancer on Friday, I’m sure it was horrible for him and his family. He was only diagnosed 3 months ago, and now he is gone. I want to tell my therapist that while I feel bad for his family and him, I also feel envious of him, 3 months isn’t that long to suffer, I have been suffering for decades. And getting the time to get things in order, say your good byes and not leave anyone feeling guilty because you killed yourself seems so peaceful. Though I’m sure it wasn’t “peaceful” for him, I know he was fighting for every day, something I wouldn’t do, I would want to stay out of the hospital as long as possible and forgo treatments that would bring down the quality of the limited amount of time I had left even if that meant passing up treatments that had a slight chance of saving my life.

I know this is a VERY unhealthy way to feel, and should try to move to a more healthy outlook about this, but my therapist lost her sister to cancer a bit over a year ago, I don’t think I could make her listen to me explain how I somehow feel that my uncle was “lucky” to go out the way he did, knowing it would bring up so many unpleasant feelings in my therapist. Yes I know I should be worried about my feelings not hers but I can’t

I also don't understand why you think your feelings on this are at ALL unhealthy!

They seem very understandable, natural and normal!

[WikidPissah]

Cancer is very different from mental illness. I know because I struggled with both. Something about the way cancer takes your control away. Sui doesn't. I fought cancer and followed protocol even though I remained suicidal. It is hard to explain, but it is different...very different.

sorry about your uncle...and sorry about the confusion it's caused.

mike j, sorry for your loss. I think your thoughts are human, death brings up a lot of different feelings and thoughts, some people can get in touch with them as uncomfortable as they feel, others can't.

[Mike_J]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I'm missing something. Why do you need to bring this up, because of the envy?

I don't think any of this is a very good deal...yours, his, or her tragedies.

but comparison is the basis of all misery, as they say in the East.

Yes, somehow feel dirty, and disrespectful for feeling envious of someone else's tragedy.

[mcl6136]

easy for me to say but please do not judge yourself...I would certainly be feeling this way too.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

Yes, somehow feel dirty, and disrespectful for feeling envious of someone else's tragedy.

no way mike. you aren't dirty or bad or anything. thoughts aren't wrong, neither are feelings.