T said I have choices!

You know, I can really relate to this, Rainbow. I have the greatest difficulty with being triggered angry. I have recently become aware that this often happens when I don't get what I want. I have even sensed a younger child part tantruming, stomping her foot, and carrying on...

Maybe, though, it isn't so much about giving the child part what she needs. That isn't always possible. Perhaps it's more about listening to the child, hearing her feelings (pain, disappointment, anger, frustration), acknowledging her expressions, comforting her from the place she is in and taking care of her. I have had some moderate success with this, but it is very challenging.

Try going to your little girl, sitting with her, reassuring her. Write it out if it helps. When it comes down to it, we have to find our way to self-care. You can do it, Rainbow. Be gentle with that little girl and let her know she's loved.

Rainbow - forgive me as I wax philosophical now. It may not completely relate to your dilemma but your situation reminds me of the grand human need - the need for love.

Love is receiving; love is giving. Love has no strings attached. I think with our T's we get 1/4 of the love we need. What I mean is that although we may love our T's we're really not in a position to give them much of what they need. So,it's one-sided and that is ultimately unfulfilling.

And the care and attention they give us will be genuine and heartfelt but it still isn't complete because there is only that small amount of time we get to enjoy and bask in their caring. That's how I came up with the 1/4.

I think that we know there is an experience that exists in the world of pure mutual love between 2 human beings. That we can be who we are completely and the other person also feels they can be themselves completely. That there is a sensitivity and a knowing between them. That their hearts resonate and the comfort level between them is absolute.

We want to give love and have it reciprocated. Without love there is a hole in our hearts. We scramble in life to fill that hole. And too often, we choose methods that are destructive and painful i.e. drugs, alcohol. conflict, serial relationships, and on and on.

We're desperate. We ache. We suffer from the pain of lack. We try to convince ourselves that there's something wrong with us but the truth is - there's something very right about us. We have not given up. We have not believed those who tell us to 'get over it'. They have settled for less than what is their God-given right. We have not.

Love is an emotion. It is without a rational definition. Trying to capture its essence in words brings about its death. It is the highest emotion and in the end, the least selfish. When we are able to give, and what greater pleasure is there than giving, we will receive.

Rainbow, I have no answers. I know no solutions. I do not understand. I can offer no guidance. But I do believe your quest is a laudable one - nothing at all to be ashamed of.

a lame as it may sound, i applaud and love your response, skysblue. i agree especially w/ the above quote.