[CantExplain]

My wife has a totally different relationship with her T.

1. She's not attached.
2. She never tells her T anything difficult.

As a result she has completely missed out on the roller-coaster.

Yet she seems perfectly satisfied and insists she is being helped.

[sittingatwatersedge]

heck, CE, you can tell her the same.

(meaning: maybe she's just not letting on.)

[Wren_]

Hard imagining what therapy would be like without the nightmarish rollercoaster of intensity that attachment to our therapists can bring, and that so many of us experience. I wonder why she is having a calmer ride

[critterlady]

I've therapy a few times in my life. It's only this round that I'm going through attachment and not censoring what I talk about. My previous efforts were solution focused for a specific issue. I got a lot out of those efforts; it was just different than it is now. Both are perfectly good.

i had three t's before the one i see now, never once got attached or anything. got some work accomplished. i never even knew you were supposed to have that attachment.

the t i see now has been the best of the bunch. but if i had known what i was getting into in the beginning, i would have never started. i told t that as well. he just sat there grinning the whole time.

maybe all therapy doesn't need that attachment thing going on????

[likelife]

At the moment, your wife's experience sounds lovely. I could do without the sturm und drang.

I don't think we become attached unless we open up.

jbmomg - I think that's why your T was grinning the whole time. It meant he did good by behaving in such a way that you opened up to him.

With my first T, I was fond of him, but it wasn't this horrible, painful, weird attachment thing. I was fond of him and that was that. I made a lot of progress, but I was completely unable to access big chunks of my emotions and memories still. So, this time is much more painful, but I've also discussed things with him that I never thought I would discuss with anyone ever. Shoot, I don't even tell my dog most of this stuff.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by jbmomg

if i had known what i was getting into in the beginning, i would have never started. i told t that as well. he just sat there grinning the whole time.

ooh, I hate it when that happens.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

I don't think we become attached unless we open up.

I thought the way it goes is, we don't open up unless we become attached.

of course, people go to therapy for lots of reasons. Grief, for example; I can't see that attachment to a T is necessary there. Good yes, but not necessary?

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I thought the way it goes is, we don't open up unless we become attached.

of course, people go to therapy for lots of reasons. Grief, for example; I can't see that attachment to a T is necessary there. Good yes, but not necessary?

IDK - what comes first - the chicken or the egg??

[stopdog]

I have several friends who have gone to see a therapist for a few months for a specific reason, done it and left with no agonizing about the therapist or how to do therapy at all.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have several friends who have gone to see a therapist for a few months for a specific reason, done it and left with no agonizing about the therapist or how to do therapy at all.

Yeah, it was like that for me with the last 2 T's - about 30 years ago. One I had a specific issue, the other it was just generalized anxiety, but I wasn't flat-out miserable. They helped, I felt better, we smiled and parted ways.

I think it depends on different factors - how severe the situation is, how deep you want to go, how the T works, etc. With current T, we're doing deep psychoanalysis and all sorts of crap is coming out. I'm doing a sort of "root cause analysis" and I'll go as deep as I need to find some peace within myself. If I need to attach to do this, so be it. I'm game - bring it on!

[SpiritRunner]

My H saw a T for a while and said he had no issues with attachment or whatever. He said it was like having someone to discuss the problem and find solutions with. I don't think he got very much into his emotional stuff, though; he will talk about his feelings, yes, but he wants more to talk about practical stuff that seems more do-able to him. He's very much solution and action-oriented, so he saw the therapist as someone who could provide help for him in that respect.
He said to me, I wouldn't get attached to my therapist anymore than I would get attached to my plumber!
And the first counselor I saw several years ago, I had no attachment to really, either. I liked the guy, I felt free to talk about things with him, but that was that. It was a detached sort of liking, I guess. When I felt the issue I had was resolved, I was done and that was that. No muss, no fuss....
So I was surprised when all this crazy transference/countertransference/attachment storm happened with T1. Don't want anything like THAT again!

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

IDK - what comes first - the chicken or the egg??

both?
or maybe it just depends on the person, and on the T, how it happens ..... but I'd think there has to be a choice to be open and honest, first - and regardless of whether or not there is, or ends up being, a strong attachment or an emotionally deep or intense attachment. there can be openness and honesty without necessarily having a strong attachment (or transference) develop too.
with my 1st T, there was something I felt when I first met her, some spark of knowing, a connection or a rapport, and that probably was the basis of why I chose to be more open and revealing and vulnerable than otherwise ...... I rarely had that feeling with people and the ones with whom I had had it (like 2 or 3!) had proven trustworthy with deep things and over time, too. so it might be that my choice to be open and trust her began with a feeling that this was someone to whom I could attach, perhaps?
it worked quite differently with T2, though .....

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

heck, CE, you can tell her the same.

(meaning: maybe she's just not letting on.)

No, I believe her.

[Mike_J]

I know the roller coaster is painful but seems necessary, and as far as the attachment goes I have always looked at that as a good thing, makes me focus more on therapy.

wait a second! "we ARE SUPPOSED to get attached???" Seriously?

That sounds obvious I think... but it brought this image to mind of 2 and a half years ago the day I first walked into my T's office and if I had known that from then I was walking down this path all unsuspecting and everything until one day BOOM! I've become attached to this dude and now I can't live without his approval, I think about him more often than my fiancé, I obsess over what he thinks of me... all of this...pain, all of this agony...everything

... all must have been in the fine print on the form they give you to fill out on the first day. ouch. sucker punched.

Originally Posted by LostinDC

... all must have been in the fine print on the form they give you to fill out on the first day. ouch. sucker punched.

LOL!!
Oh me too! Me too! Little did I know what I was in for

[PreacherHeckler]

My therapist told me that many people in therapy do not experience the roller coaster that we often read and write about here. Sometimes it's because they're avoiding the attachment, but many times it's because they simply don't struggle with the same kinds of issues that are common to many of us who post here. Not everyone needs an attachment to do the work, particularly if they have healthy, satisfying relationships in real life and they're in therapy to work on other issues. And even when there is an attachment, if the client is relatively healthy and has a strong support network, there's often no desire for anything beyond a solid, comfortable relationship.

[critterlady]

I started to get attached to T when I started opening up about some things I wasn't very comfortable and got very empathic, supportive, non-judgmental reactions. That showed me I could trust him with more and as the level of topics deepened, so did my attachment. That's still continuing to develop and I suspect it will evolve over the entire time I see him, as long as that may be.

I have no desire for anything beyond a solid, comfortable relationship, but I am very attached to T and the therapy process.

[CantExplain]

My wife was always and obviously the favourite child.
So I guess that she never had to doubt or fight for her worth.

jbmomg - I think that's why your T was grinning the whole time. It meant he did good by behaving in such a way that you opened up to him.

you are sooo right! he did do good! thanks

But life is a roller coaster, to experience the thrills of the ups and downs is to not be truly living imho

But life is a roller coaster, to not experience the thrills of the ups and downs is to not be truly living imho