[CantExplain]

This sort of question has been asked before, but I don't think there has ever been an actual poll.

How often have you ruptured with your current T?

We've never had a rupture in over 7 years. I have a very secure attachment to T, so I don't tend to have the kinds of fears/anxieties/sensitivies about "us" that seem to lend themselves towards ruptures, at least from what I've gathered from reading about people's ruptures here on PC.

[Fixated]

Two so far (although I am a bit iffy on what really constitutes a rupture) and more to come for sure. The second one was caused by a long running unacknowledged rupture that was never dealt with and swept under the rug.

[granite1]

I'm with fixated here I'm not really sure what constitutes a rupture. i think any problems that have occurred have been do to my perceptions. i don't think we have ever had a full out rupture.

[lrt1978]

Don't know what a rupture is,could someone explain what it is please xx

[WikidPissah]

I picked 1 but I am not sure of rupture either. Once I pulled away from T and canceled a few appts. But we never had a blow out, or nasty texts emails....in fact I never even told him he did something that bothered me.

[karebear1]

Well, if a blow out and nasty texts are part of a rupture, then take my 1 vote away from the poll. I've never had an out and out argument with my T, but my feelings have certainly been hurt by her and I nearly stopped seeing her. Does that count?

[unaluna]

My T says that Winnicott defined it as like everytime a baby cried, that was a "rupture" between mother and child, that mother then repairs the problem, and in process of doing so, strengthens the bond between mother and child. So during a session, I could easily feel minorly disrupted several times, so I will assume you are asking, how many times did you almost quit this T but make it up? But my answer is still the same - 5+.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I've had slight misunderstandings with T, some that caused me some anxiety, but nothing that I would consider a true rupture, based on some of what I've seen discussed here on PC. I've always managed to resolve the misunderstandings either before or at the next session, and it's never led to me pulling away or fearing that the relationship was at risk.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

This sort of question has been asked before, but I don't think there has ever been an actual poll.

How often have you ruptured with your current T?

CE - could you give your definition of "rupture"? Really no idea how to answer this question, but would like to

[skysblue]

I've had at least 5, maybe more ruptures with T. I define, for myself, a rupture as anything that challenges my trust in T and I begin to feel fearful or angry towards her with thoughts that maybe I should quit therapy.

And like Hankster mentioned, each repair strengthens the relationship. Each time T proves that she's really there for me, no matter what has happened between us makes the bond stronger. And usually what 'happens' is just my own dysfunctional interpretations caused by longtime wounds.

My answer was twice. We were getting along fine for the first 6 months or so, then he did something that made me feel very hurt. (Actually, he didn't actually do anything, it was my perception, but that's another story.) The next session I was all upset and managed to tell him how I felt. As we discussed it, he said, "You've experienced a rupture in the therapeutic bond."

Now that it's happened twice, I define it as a break in the feeling of trust and safety between T and patient, the "therapeutic bond". It's hard for me to define in words, but I know it when I feel it. There was no bond between us for the first 6 months. He worked hard to build a bond and I accepted it .... very very slowly.

Obviously, if there is no bond, then there is nothing to rupture.

[sunrise]

I'm not sure what a rupture is for purposes of this poll. I'm thinking that it means a disagreement that is so bad that the client intends to quit unless he/she and the T make repairs? Is that right?

I voted 0, but I think my T and I have had a disagreement/misunderstanding once or twice that we cleared up by talking about it. Pretty minor in the course of our strong relationship over several years. I would never quit unless it was a major issue and I had thoroughly talked the issue through with my T and the gulf was too big to bridge. My T and I have very similar values on many things so I don't see this happening to us. An example of what might be an unbreachable rupture for me would be if T talked about our confidential sessions to people who shouldn't know, and when I raised the issue, he thought it was no big deal and intended to keep doing it in the future. I would have to quit over that.

Once T kept me waiting too long for an appointment and called to say he would be even later (over an hour). I couldn't wait that long so I called and left a voice mail saying I wouldn't be there. It wasn't a rupture, though. I wouldn't quit over that. At our next session, he apologized and gave me a free session since he had made me waste so much of my time on the earlier missed session. Was this a rupture? It didn't feel like it.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by eastcoaster

CE - could you give your definition of "rupture"? Really no idea how to answer this question, but would like to

My definition of a rupture is to cancel your next appointment and swear you'll never go back. "I quit!" And it takes more than a week to change your mind again.

[minneymouse]

I've had three major ruptures with T- three times when I truly thought it was the end. Then hundreds and thousands of mini ruptures. This thread makes me realise that it's coming up to a year since our last major one. I think it's me that's changed.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

My definition of a rupture is to cancel your next appointment and swear you'll never go back. "I quit!" And it takes more than a week to change your mind again.

That's not a rupture, that's a tantrum! Or maybe a "mantrum"? idk...

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

That's not a rupture, that's a tantrum! Or maybe a "mantrum"? idk...

Well, there are other ways too. You might simply decide that you're not connecting with T and there's no point in going on. But later you change your mind.

Or you switch to another T, it doesn't work out and you go back to the first T. I would count Stopdog's recent manoeuvre as a rupture.

What do you think a rupture is?

[stopdog]

I count it too, but for the record she did tell me me I should quit if I did not see any change.I have a rupture about every three weeks with the first one. I have none with the second one so far.

[likewater]

Ive had one rupture where fired T. Would have had another but she graduated and am getting new T anyway

[KazzaX]

I don't think I have experienced any part of therapy that was not classified as a rupture. It is usually ruptured the first time I meet them and then its stuffed from then onwards.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

What do you think a rupture is?

Are you talkin' to me? Cuz I just wanna know if you were talkin' to me.

Hey, if you all can quote Monty Python, I can quote DeNiro in Taxi Driver, right?

Anyway, hey, I did my homework on your thread! I READ it from the beginning, which you apparently did not - watsamatta u? too busy WORKING? oh yeah, right, some people are young and able and have to do that, sorry! - AND I talked to T about my posted definition, which I just now reviewed against what he said yesterday and yeah I got it right per his def of the parent soothing the rupture over a bit of time, first figuring it out, then doing the work, and bringing baby back to stasis, to comfort. So however that relates to us as adults. It's not one-sided, as your "tantrum" seems to be - stomping out, then stomping back in - that's all you, no T. That's my observation, not my T's. I don't think I've ever thrown a tantrum in my life - my mother definitely would have nipped that in the bud!

[sunrise]

I agree--ruptures are two sided. It takes two to repair.

Hankster, I related to your comment about parents not allowing tantrums. Maybe children who were not allowed to have tantrums are among those who would not have big T ruptures, storm out of T's office, quit without trying to work it out, etc. There does seem to be a one-sidedness to that kind of reaction. I was not allowed to have tantrums as a child, but I also was never shown any models of how to work things out. I lack basic skills! Therapy has helped with that somewhat. Still working on my basic "working it out" skills...

[unaluna]

sunrise, you are so right. I was often chided at work for either being too aggressive, or too passive and being afraid to bring up problems. they wanted me to be assertive. I still freak myself out with how passive I am sometimes, yet aggressive too!

[with or without you]

never...

I never have, but I wonder if that's a bad thing?