T is writing a letter for me to do with my work, she has to mention about my clinical depression. As she was telling me about what she wrote it made me wonder, what is it about depression that makes you feel like you want to die. I know that sounds a bit simPle, But what is it?? Does anyone get what I'm saying?

Depression makes me want to die when the exhaustion, the lack of emotion, hopelessness, etc. seem endless and overwhelming. I get to the point where I just want the pain to stop. It isn't really about wanting to die; it's about a desperation to be relieved of the pain of depression. (God, please let it stop.)

[taylor43]

Depression for me makes me feel worthless to the world. I just get too overwhelmed.

[PiperLeigh]

Similar to what farmergirl said. For me, it's not precisely about wanting to die, it's about not wanting to live (with the exhaustion, emotional pain, etc.). Put a different way, the living has become harder than dying. Just want it to stop...

[Bmee2]

Depression for me is like having a Sumo Wrestler lying on top of the body so that it is hard to move while at the same time feeling trapped and wishing if i was going to be squashed to death that it would hurry up. Then there is the added thought that i am not worth being kept alive...that i have not contributed to the world, or anyone, that no one would miss me if i were gone...that i am a disappointment to even the All mighty. And the pain of being trapped and hurting inside where no one can see or put a band-aid or ointment. It often seems like an endless black pit.

[Perna]

A decrease in the functional balance of these neurotransmitters causes certain types of depression (ie, decreased norepinephrine causes dullness and lethargy, and decreased serotonin causes irritability, hostility, and suicidal ideation).

Environmental factors, including coexisting illnesses or substance abuse, may affect neurotransmitters and/or have an independent influence on depression.

From: http://emedicine.medscape.com/articl...view#aw2aab6b3

[rainboots87]

Sometimes I feel like if I'm going to be miserable and anxious and depressed forever, why would I want to live? My T even said, "Absolutely!" She said it makes perfect sense that if I don't expect that I can ever get better that I would feel that way. She also said that if I believe things will never get better, then they probably won't. I think I have to have the desire to change and the belief that it's possible before it can really happen. But it's definitely hard to remember that when the depression hits hard.

She also said that if I believe things will never get better, then they probably won't. I think I have to have the desire to change and the belief that it's possible before it can really happen.

I think that's only part of the truth. Because depression is an illness that skews our perception, if we can fix our perception it can become possible to believe that a change can happen. We don't have to do the impossible, i.e. force ourselves to believe that things will get better. If that were necessary, depression would not be curable except for a few people with really strong willpower.

[rainboots87]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

I think that's only part of the truth. Because depression is an illness that skews our perception, if we can fix our perception it can become possible to believe that a change can happen. We don't have to do the impossible, i.e. force ourselves to believe that things will get better. If that were necessary, depression would not be curable except for a few people with really strong willpower.

Yeah, I was paraphrasing her from a session from awhile ago- I'm not very good with explaining things sometimes. I think that was my T's point, that I need to shift my skewed and sometimes false perceptions of myself and the world before recovery is possible.

Sorry if I sounded dismissive - that wasn't my intention at all. Thing is, I despair about ever getting away from the want-to-die please-let-me-die frame of mind, so I cling to the thought that there may be something that can help shift my perceptions to make me think it's possible for me to improve. So I get a little defensive about that.

[rainboots87]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

Sorry if I sounded dismissive - that wasn't my intention at all. Thing is, I despair about ever getting away from the want-to-die please-let-me-die frame of mind, so I cling to the thought that there may be something that can help shift my perceptions to make me think it's possible for me to improve. So I get a little defensive about that.

Oh no problem at all, I honestly don't explain things very well.

[Screenager]

For me, it's that I used to enjoy living, but now it feels like a dark haze is covering everything, and there aren't really any intense feelings anymore. I just drift from day to day. And since I don't see this state changing anytime soon, I often think "I might as well be dead anyway."

[WikidPissah]

For me depression is like being in a deep hole with no way to climb out. You know you're in the hole, you know you need to find a way out, but trying is futile. So at some point you just give up and lay down to die.

[sconnie892]

Similar to others have mentioned, for me it is the feel that the sadness, pain, and feelings of being overwhelmed will never end. It's not that I want to die, it's that I no longer want to deal with the feelings.

[sweepy62]

i agree totally with farmer girl it makes me feel like someone zapped the life out of me