[Chopin99]

At my appointment Friday, T discovered (which I already knew) that I was not scheduled for next (this) week. She said she felt bad about it and scheduled me three weeks out "so it doesn't happen again".

She scrunched her face up and looked like she was trying to fit me in somewhere and actually berated herself for scheduling a 5:00 appointment one day (she said, "boundaries, boundaries...I told myself no more 5:00's"). But in the end, she said she just couldn't do it and I'd be the first on the cancellation list. "Somebody's bound to cancel." Well, every time I've been on the cancellation list before, it hasn't happened. No one has cancelled.

I wasn't aware of how much it bothered me until this evening. The adult, rational side thinks, "She is trying to teach you boundaries, but as you can see, they're not easy. Learn from this." The selfish part of me is going, "T, you bend your rules all the time. Look at our therapeutic relationship. It's obviously different than most, why can't you do a 5:00 for me? Why can't you tack me on at the end of the day Friday?"

Aargh. I want to email, but I fear the response (or lack of one).

[Wren_]

Just a hunch but maybe it's because it IS a different relationship with you; and knowing you've been working through the boundaries book maybe she feels she has to set an example of enforcing boundaries? whereas in the past she would have been more flexible. Not sure, but I know it sucks

[sconnie892]

Sorry you're dealing with scheduling frustrations, but I understand you t enforcing boundaries too. It's nice of your t to book you three sessions out.

I've been frustrated with scheduling also. T knows that the best appointments for me are 3pm or later. For the last two months or so it seems all the later appointments are already booked, so I've been going as late as I can get and taking half days at work. That can only continue so long.We usually meet every two weeks. This last time it was 22 days - too long for me to wait between sessions. It's very frustrating but I know part of the problem is my crazy varied work schedule. I don't want to complain to t about it - I'd feel selfish. But at the same time I also want to scream - come on! Three weeks between sessions is too long and I am sick of using up all my comp/vaca time to accommodate these earlier sessions. Can't you make something work?

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by sconnie892

Sorry you're dealing with scheduling frustrations, but I understand you t enforcing boundaries too. It's nice of your t to book you three sessions out.

I've been frustrated with scheduling also. T knows that the best appointments for me are 3pm or later. For the last two months or so it seems all the later appointments are already booked, so I've been going as late as I can get and taking half days at work. That can only continue so long.We usually meet every two weeks. This last time it was 22 days - too long for me to wait between sessions. It's very frustrating but I know part of the problem is my crazy varied work schedule. I don't want to complain to t about it - I'd feel selfish. But at the same time I also want to scream - come on! Three weeks between sessions is too long and I am sick of using up all my comp/vaca time to accommodate these earlier sessions. Can't you make something work?

I think you are fully within your rights to say something to your T. 3 weeks is too long and you shouldn't have to use your leave time to go. I'm lucky in that I can make up work at home (in fact, some days I work from home). Are you able to do that?

[sconnie892]

Usually I use "comp" time for extra hours I've already worked, but taking entire afternoons off often puts me further behind on projects and adds to my stress levels. It's definitely a conversation to have with t. Or it may be the case of me not going back to work directly after session, but taking 30 minutes to regroup and process....

[Chopin99]

I don't really know if this is of note or related, but...

I had 3 separate dreams about T last night. I've had a grand total of 3 in the past year about her before last night.

1. I was trying to get to my T appointment on a Friday. I had to ride a bicycle (almost impossible in my town without getting run over). I arrived 20 minutes late and the building was locked up. Then I woke up.
2. I was at T's office for an appointment. The office was totally different; ultra-modern, all glass (on the outside), beautiful plants all around. T kept coming out and telling me it would be 5 more minutes and I was oddly okay with that. I woke up after this happened 3 times.
3. And the weirdest...T's office (and apparently all public and private mental health providers) had been taken over by some large futuristic whacked-out conglomerate. I arrived and sat in a waiting room until they called me back. A very strange looking guy told me he was going to run some tests. I asked him what tests he was going to run since I only really suffer from depression and anxiety and have run-of-the-mill psychotherapy. He said it was brand new technology. I was supposed to change into a robe and what looked like a shower cap. He left me alone to change. I sneaked out another door and found myself in a circular corridor. I saw a door that had T's name on it. She was standing in the doorway wearing a lab coat and the shower cap thing on her head. She said, "Oh thank God," pulled me around the door jamb and grabbed me and held me. While she held me, she said, "I was afraid they'd already got you. I saw you were on the schedule for today." I said, "What exactly are they going to do to me?" She said, "I'm not sure, but people come out very compliant and suggestible. One of my favorite things about you is that you are tenacious and questioning. If you let them, they'll take that away from you. Please don't let them. Let me tell you how to escape." All this was said while still holding each other. T told me the escape route. I said, "Okay, but you're coming with me!" she said, "I can't, they'll kill me." I said, "I won't let that happen," then grabbed her by the arm and started to run. Alarms began to go off and a large sheet of glass was lowering at the entrance to the outside. We barely made it under, then ran to my car (which happened to be a small silver convertible rather than my black Honda Accord), jumped in and hauled @$$. Once we were a couple of miles away, T threw her hands up in the air and shouted, "Woo hoo, we are finally freeeeeeeeee!!!" Then I woke up.

I promise I was not under the influence of anything questionable.

[CantExplain]

These are excellent dreams!

They are all about being unable to reach T.

You can't reach her on a bicycle or by waiting for her, so you decide to rescue her.

Good luck with your kidnapping attempt!

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

I don't really know if this is of note or related, but...

I had 3 separate dreams about T last night. I've had a grand total of 3 in the past year about her before last night.

1. I was trying to get to my T appointment on a Friday. I had to ride a bicycle (almost impossible in my town without getting run over). I arrived 20 minutes late and the building was locked up. Then I woke up.
2. I was at T's office for an appointment. The office was totally different; ultra-modern, all glass (on the outside), beautiful plants all around. T kept coming out and telling me it would be 5 more minutes and I was oddly okay with that. I woke up after this happened 3 times.
3. And the weirdest...T's office (and apparently all public and private mental health providers) had been taken over by some large futuristic whacked-out conglomerate. I arrived and sat in a waiting room until they called me back. A very strange looking guy told me he was going to run some tests. I asked him what tests he was going to run since I only really suffer from depression and anxiety and have run-of-the-mill psychotherapy. He said it was brand new technology. I was supposed to change into a robe and what looked like a shower cap. He left me alone to change. I sneaked out another door and found myself in a circular corridor. I saw a door that had T's name on it. She was standing in the doorway wearing a lab coat and the shower cap thing on her head. She said, "Oh thank God," pulled me around the door jamb and grabbed me and held me. While she held me, she said, "I was afraid they'd already got you. I saw you were on the schedule for today." I said, "What exactly are they going to do to me?" She said, "I'm not sure, but people come out very compliant and suggestible. One of my favorite things about you is that you are tenacious and questioning. If you let them, they'll take that away from you. Please don't let them. Let me tell you how to escape." All this was said while still holding each other. T told me the escape route. I said, "Okay, but you're coming with me!" she said, "I can't, they'll kill me." I said, "I won't let that happen," then grabbed her by the arm and started to run. Alarms began to go off and a large sheet of glass was lowering at the entrance to the outside. We barely made it under, then ran to my car (which happened to be a small silver convertible rather than my black Honda Accord), jumped in and hauled @$$. Once we were a couple of miles away, T threw her hands up in the air and shouted, "Woo hoo, we are finally freeeeeeeeee!!!" Then I woke up.

I promise I was not under the influence of anything questionable.

Dreams about my therapist have a lovely, lively, and altogether crazy life of their own. I used to dream about him a lot. 9 times out of 10 is was a dream where I could not, for some reason, get to him. Frustrating as hell.

The last dream to me if obviously about escaping boundaries. Big rules of others that trap you both. You both have to be compliant to a degree. It's interesting that even the get away car was a convertible - open to the air and free.

I used to think dreams were mindless brain activity (and the still may just be random images that we put together as a narrative upon waking) but I've come to realize that they are filled with symbolism and use of this symbolism can be quite beneficial.

Other dreams are just wish fulfillment. And that kinda sucks, but not as bad as the nightmares. Shudder.

[sconnie892]

Chopin - You have amazingly detailed recall of your dreams!

[WikidPissah]

right out of a Bond movie

I would be upset if T couldn't fit me in too. It seems a reasonable request...a weekly appointment.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

These are excellent dreams!

They are all about being unable to reach T.

You can't reach her on a bicycle or by waiting for her, so you decide to rescue her.

Good luck with your kidnapping attempt!

Hehe...no kidnapping...although you are right, they are all about being unable to reach T.

Originally Posted by elliemay

Dreams about my therapist have a lovely, lively, and altogether crazy life of their own. I used to dream about him a lot. 9 times out of 10 is was a dream where I could not, for some reason, get to him. Frustrating as hell.

The last dream to me if obviously about escaping boundaries. Big rules of others that trap you both. You both have to be compliant to a degree. It's interesting that even the get away car was a convertible - open to the air and free.

I used to think dreams were mindless brain activity (and the still may just be random images that we put together as a narrative upon waking) but I've come to realize that they are filled with symbolism and use of this symbolism can be quite beneficial.

Other dreams are just wish fulfillment. And that kinda sucks, but not as bad as the nightmares. Shudder.

I believe dreams are filled with symbolism and represent workings and desires of our subconscious and unconscious minds.

Originally Posted by sconnie892

Chopin - You have amazingly detailed recall of your dreams!

Always have; I either remember in great detail or not at all.

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

right out of a Bond movie

I would be upset if T couldn't fit me in too. It seems a reasonable request...a weekly appointment.

This is actually the first time this has happened. She's missing the equivalent of 2.5 days of work this week due to doctors appointments.