I need to vent about todays session

healed84 · Aug 20, 2012, 12:59 PM

*****Trigger talk of rape*********

Okay, I have been in therapy for about 7 months now. I have a panic disorder and since I started with the panic has been up and down. I had about a month maybe closer to to two months of little to know panic and feeling "normal." Then, this summer anxiety started to increase and I am back to not a great place. Which brings us to today.. I went in T asked about how I have been doing with the panic told him. Then told him I feel like I am making no progress, I am sick of coming in week after week talking about my panic attacks and what triggered them. Good, I know the cause, but I can't get rid of them. I feel like I am spinning my wheels (he admitted that he had felt the same way at times), why do we talk about the triggers, but get nowhere else?

Then we started talking about different options that we could do. He could refer me to another T and see if it is better with that T. Which, really made me sick to my stomach.. Told him, no way, I can't do that. Then, he suggested that maybe we could take a month long break. Which, made me way anxious (and we just did that b/c of him being booked and vacations). We talked about how some people aren't suited for therapy. Which, again freaked me out, I thought he would suggest that I am not suited for therapy.
Then, I brought up if maybe talking about the rape would be the next step.. Maybe then we would start making progress. He thought, that maybe that would be a good idea. He did say, that what I have going for me in terms of the therapy process, is the fact that I know that I need to talk about the rape, and that is the next step. He says, he gets lots of people that come to his office a couple of times, they talked about some horrible thing happened, decide that they should go deeper into that and they don't and never come back. We ended up agreeing that this is our next step.. next week I will be brining in the written out narrative of the rape and reading it outloud

to him.. And we will go from here.

So, while I think that today's session was beneficial, I got my feelings out, and we established the next step and have some more direction. However, I can't shake the feeling, that he was trying to get rid of me, or that he can't help me. This was NOT how I was plannings today's appointment to go and
I am feeling a little rattled by it all.. and freaking out that we are going to talk about the rape next week. Ohh.. and I know he is still my T and we are not taking a break, but I still feel that just narrowly missed my T abandoning me and that has me freaked. So, I guess I just wanted to vent.. Sorry this got so long.

Sannah · Aug 20, 2012, 01:03 PM

I can see how those 2 things would rattle you. If you fear abandonment you will be looking for it always. Have you discussed this issue with your T? Sounds like a great plan to discuss the rape. I truly believe in working through the stuff that is getting triggered up. Good luck to you and keep us posted on how you are doing?

Emptty · Aug 20, 2012, 01:12 PM

I think you need to set things straight with your T and for your own well-being ask him if he was trying to get rid of you, tell him how you feel and let him reassure you that that is not the case. Reassurance helps, if you wanted to email/call/or talk to him before reading to him it would probably be beneficial to get the reassurance.

I'm glad you have a handle on what direction your therapy is going in(I get stuck and never know what to talk about). I can imagine how hard it will be discussing the rape with your T and my heart aches for you, that you have to go through that. The hard work will pay off. Things will get better. Good luck!!

Aug 20, 2012, 01:45 PM

I've read that T's will wait for a client to bring up the "difficult" stuff, because if they suggest talking about it before a client is ready, that client might flee and never come back. Sounds to me like your T was sharing your frustration and suggesting some ways to move forward without bringing up the obvious one - talking about the rape. He opened the door for you to bring it up, and you did, because you're ready. So I really don't think he was trying to get rid of you AT ALL. Although I can imagine that I might FEEL that just like you do. But reading the facts as an outsider, I truly don't think that's the case at all.

I hope talking about this difficult subject will ease the panic attacks. There is a reason you're having them, and if this is it, you should see some improvement. If it's something else, maybe the discussion will lead into it. Good for you for opening up - do it as much as you can. It helps your T understand you and know how to proceed. I hope your next session goes well - good luck!

healed84 · Aug 20, 2012, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emptty

I think you need to set things straight with your T and for your own well-being ask him if he was trying to get rid of you, tell him how you feel and let him reassure you that that is not the case. Reassurance helps, if you wanted to email/call/or talk to him before reading to him it would probably be beneficial to get the reassurance.

I'm glad you have a handle on what direction your therapy is going in(I get stuck and never know what to talk about). I can imagine how hard it will be discussing the rape with your T and my heart aches for you, that you have to go through that. The hard work will pay off. Things will get better. Good luck!!

I have been thinking about e-mailing him my feelings as far how I am feeling about the abondament and needing some reassurance, but at the sametime, I am wondering if that is a better conversation to have face to face? I trying to resit the urge to e-mail him right now!!

Emptty · Aug 20, 2012, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healed84

I have been thinking about e-mailing him my feelings as far how I am feeling about the abondament and needing some reassurance, but at the sametime, I am wondering if that is a better conversation to have face to face? I trying to resit the urge to e-mail him right now!!

Email him and if that doesn't do it for you, talk to him face to face. The great thing about Ts is they have absolutely no problem giving clients constant reassurance when needed. There was a time where I texted/called my T a few times a week making sure he wouldn't 'leave me' because it was always so comforting to hear him say "ain't a chance in hell! Ain't gonna happen"

stopdog · Aug 20, 2012, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emptty

Email him and if that doesn't do it for you, talk to him face to face. The great thing about Ts is they have absolutely no problem giving clients constant reassurance when needed. There was a time where I texted/called my T a few times a week making sure he wouldn't 'leave me' because it was always so comforting to hear him say "ain't a chance in hell! Ain't gonna happen"

That is not a universal therapist experience.

Aug 20, 2012, 03:45 PM

Sounds as though he was looking after your best interests by asking if you would like to see someone else (maybe he feels he can't offer you the help/support you need). Also asking if you want a break is pretty standard in therapy my old T used to do this all the time and it felt to me like she was abandoning me all the time trying to push me away but she explained it like this....
"Button, you can come to me every week and I will take your money but it is up to you to do the work and make the changes between sessions, I wouldn't be a good T if I was to sit here and take you money, its unethical and I wouldn't have your best interests at heart."
She was a big fan of taking breaks to see what life would throw at me between breaks- fek like she waiting for some miracle or something an it used to frustrate me a lot so I can see how this is upsetting you and probabl provoking your panic attacks.

Emptty · Aug 20, 2012, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

That is not a universal therapist experience.

A good T shouldn't have problems reassuring a client.

If he says "well I might leave! I don't like you" then he's no good. Therapy is about the clientt and not the T. The T would gain nothing from saying "I will leave you if I feel like it, you're helpless, therapy isn't gonna work, etc." A lot of therapy is building trust and most Ts work very hard to build trust with clients. It is the experience with well-trained Ts to reassure their clients.

autotelica · Aug 20, 2012, 05:49 PM

A good therapist is honest.

If a therapist suspects they are unsuited for a patient's needs, it would be wrong for them to reassure them they would never leave them. Lies like that don't do anyone any good.

Though, a person can still reassure someone that they've always got support.

healed, I sympathize. I would probably feel the same way you do. But I also think there's a strong chance that he wasn't trying to bail on you...that he was waiting for you to make the leap first. If he had wanted to bail on you, he could have easily excused himself by playing the "This is outside my speciality" card. But he didn't.

healed84 · Aug 20, 2012, 06:54 PM

Thanks all for your thoughts!

WikidPissah · Aug 20, 2012, 07:18 PM

(((healed))) that would have bothered me as well.

growlycat · Aug 20, 2012, 09:53 PM

If you are not ready, no need to push things. A good T will gain your trust first. I personally feel that you need a more secure attachment to your T before diving in.

Maybe you can ask him what would happen if you never talked to him about it? 7 months is not a long time in therapy imho. Maybe you are not the first person he has pushed too far too fast (he is the one who mentioned fleeing patients so it isn't you)

CantExplain · Aug 20, 2012, 10:28 PM

My T has never said "I'll never leave you."
But she did say, "I'll be here if you want to come back." (This was during my first rupture.)

That was enough for me.

Butterflies Are Free · Aug 21, 2012, 08:13 AM

How are you doing?

pachyderm · Aug 21, 2012, 09:47 AM

If you read stories here you will know that not all T's are OK with frequent contact with their clients. And that can be quite upsetting to some clients who post here. They may envy clients who have T's who are OK with it.

Yes?

pbutton · 04:43 PM

How are you feeling today, healed?

Aug 21, 2012, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healed84

Thanks all for your thoughts!

((((Healed))) After gathering up that much courage and probably feeling very anxious, I would have been confused if my T put stuff out there like that after talking to him about such a painful, difficult subject.

IDK, I struggle with invalidation and manipulation issues within relationships, so I tend to be skeptical and have one foot out the door when I share my feelings. Also, I worry if I say the "wrong thing", I will be shut out / excluded immediately. It's so scary.

R takes such a huge toll on us. In so many ways...too numerous to count.

Baby steps, ((((Healed)))). You are so brave to have shared with your T! I wish I had that courage

healed84 · Aug 21, 2012, 11:56 AM

Eeek! Sorry this thread turned out the way it did.

To answer some questions, yes my T allows e-mails and phone calls. So, that would not be out of the norm for us. I don't do either too often these days, I think that he would be fine with hearing that I need some reassurance. I guess, I am just trying to figure out if I should get in contact with him before my next appointment or if I should bring up before we get into everything. I will admit though, that reading through what I will be reading outloud to him next week, I was so anxious just reading it for myself... To think about reading it to T, who I feel a little disconnected from has me on edge. Thanks, to those who gave advice, and tried to stir this post back into the right direction.

Emptty · Aug 21, 2012, 12:43 PM

I read an interesting article once and it talked about how clients think if they tell about their trauma it will help. It goes on to explain that telling is not relieving because the telling creates reliving, in a way you relive the trauma. It gets harder before it gets easier/worse before it gets better. I just felt I needed to tell you that... so many people run from therapy because they put in the work and open up only to feel worse, but please know that it does get better. The work will be worth it.

I know how hard it can be and that is why I was pushing you to openly ask for reassurance when you need to because in order to do what you're going to do and have it help you NEED to feel safe.