Bad news about my therapy!

Hi Rainbow,

Thanks for the encouragement. I guess you see me as being stronger than i feel. I don't think my h would agree to the extra session unless i had a real crisis. He sees the value of my therapy, but he's used to me only having to pay $25 per session. When it's $75, it will be different. I'm really hoping my t can become a preferred provider. My insurance is weird in that they have "preferred," "participating," and "non-participating," but under the plan i am in, they have to be "preferred" for my insurance to pay.

Hi Eskielover,

Thanks for letting me know that it's not usually a big deal to become a preferred provider. I'd be thrilled if my t could become one. She actually is one now, through the hospital where she works. So maybe they will be OK with her still being preferred when she's in private practice. I really hope so!

Thanks for the reminder also not to jump the gun and worry too much about things until i find out what is happening. It's hard for me to sit back and wait, and not be able to plan or control what's going on!

Hi Sittingatwatersedge,

Yes, maybe something like that would work for me. I'm going to definitely look into it! Thanks!

I appreciate everybody's comments, and am sorry that I can't reply to each one individually. But each one of you has offered support and suggestions in your own way, and it warms my heart.

I had my t session yesterday and took my h to it, because now that my t is losing her job and going into private practice, the changes are going to affect our family. The appointment didn't do very well. For one thing, my t still hasn't found out if she is going to be able to take my insurance. So I'm still fretting about having to cut down sessions. . .

The other thing that became an issue yesterday is that my t is considering subletting space for her office a very far distance from where I live. To get there, I'd have to drive on two major highways, and probably during rush hour. My h does not want me to drive there. He worries that i will get into a wreck because i sometimes dissociate. I rarely drive on the highway anyway due to how anxious I get. I had a bad accident on the highway when i was 17, and since then, i've been afraid to. Since my always drives when we go somewhere together, i rarely drive anywhere except to work, store, and to my t appt. However, I do take a highway to my t, who i have seen for 10 years. And i have never had an accident going to or from therapy. So i think my h is over-reacting.

I told my h at the appt that i would rather drive there, than not to see my t anymore. I suggested he take me the first 2-3 times, and then I could do it myself. But he is pretty adamant about not wanting me to go that far. We couldn't come up with an agreement yesterday about it. He told me that he was not trying to make me quit therapy with her, but unless he agrees to the driving. . .? He has also suggested that maybe it is time for me to quit therapy, and that i would do OK without it. And he has mentioned i could get a different therapist. But I don't want to do that. I am so attached to my t. We've worked together 10+ years.

On top of that, my h told my therapist that I am becoming "aggressive." My t says it is "assertive," but my h says no, it's aggressive. I tend to speak up more when i disagree with something he says, where i didn't use to. If i disagree, he interprets it that I'm arguing with him. To him, he says it feels like I am "turning against him." Yet he also tells my t that he likes the changes i am making (more self-esteem, feeling better about myself, etc.). Like if something is wrong with a meal at a restaurant, or if i feel i deserve a promotion at work, i will say something. But it feels like he doesn't want me to stand up for myself with him.

So anyway, I'm just feeling confused today, and worried that it's not going to work out to keep seeing my t once she relocates. I can't bear the thought of not seeing her anymore! It would be a real crisis for me.

((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Peaches, maybe you've started another thread with an update of your situation but I didn't see it. How is it going for you now?

I think I'll also need to cut back on therapy because of the high expense. I pay $80.00 per session 1x per week with sometimes extra sessions. It has had a huge impact on my personal finances the past 1 1/2 years and I don't know if I can continue. I hate reducing the frequency of my sessions but I may have to make that choice.

Did it go well with cutting back or were you able to continue with your therapist and the frequency?

Hi Skysblue,

My t told me last week that her last day at work is August 31. She has known for at least 3 months that this was coming, and she's been planning to open up a private practice. But she has still not made definite arrangements for where she will be located after August 31, or what days/times she will have available for appointments. She also has not found out yet if she can get on my insurance plan. I gave her my insurance providers phone number over a month ago, hoping she'd start inquiring about how to be a Preferred Provider. But she's only now starting to look into it. So I'm still up in the air, with no definite answers about what will happen after August 31, except that she says she will keep working with me - either through my insurance or self-pay.

I have an appt today, and I'm really hoping she has some information to share. It's really hard for me not to have any answers or know what to expect. I'm really dreading possibly having to cut back sessions, but i just don't know anything yet.

I will keep you posted.

Sorry you may have to cut back yourself! Therapy is so expensive when you have to self-pay. There's no way i will be able to keep seeing my t weekly if she doesn't get on my insurance plan. So I'm trying to prepare my heart now. . .

If you haven't gone yet, good luck with your session today, Peaches!

(((((((((((((( peaches ))))))))))))) how you doing today?

***trigger*** Mention of SA

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to give an update. I saw t last week, and she still has no set plans for where she will be located after August 31 or if she will be able to get on my insurance. She contacted them but said they were supposed to get in touch with her. I have a feeling that even if she does get accepted to be a preferred provider, it might take time and I'll have to go self-pay/2 times per month until then. I'm just dreading it. . .

We've also started talking about some really heavy, difficult stuff in session the last 2 weeks. I'm having a tough time with it. I mean, I'm coping enough to go to work and follow my routine. But I've felt so much guilt and shame this week. I know my t doesn't want me to feel this way, she wants me to feel compassion for myself. But talking about my SA as a kid and how it affects me now makes me feel horrible deep down inside. I can admit that it probably wasn't my fault that it happened, but i feel that now, i should be able to keep the gross thoughts memories and reactions from coming up for me. When i can't, i feel very, very bad about myself. I don't even like talking about it in t because instead of feeling compassion, it makes me feel worse about myself.

So that's where i'm at. . .

Work to see your T after August 31 and reduce some of your dread? It is over a month away, I would put aside a little extra each week, now, so the amount you have to pay until your insurance kicks in is less then.

Do you have any habits (overeating, buying little things to make yourself feel better, etc.) that you can deliberately cut back on in favor of staying in therapy with T? I use to trade some of the money I spent on buying books, would go to the library for several months and be able to buy a new computer, or something else I wanted. I am overweight; I've cut back on certain foods/goodies when I wanted to save money, etc.

Call your insurance company and get on them about approving her; they are your insurance company, they are supposed to be helping you; that's what you are paying them for!

Hi,

I wanted to give an update. I saw my t yesterday. I cancelled the week before, out of fear of the hard stuff we've been talking about. But i got up the courage to go back this week.

The session went pretty well, though it was uncomfortable. We're getting into territory that I'm very resistant toward and for which i often end up feeling self-destructive when we talk about it. So that's why i had cancelled. But i am trying to face it. I let my t know i had been getting too overwhelmed with it, and that if talking about it made things come up that resulted in shame and self-hate, then i would not be able to work through it at all.

So yesterday, she was careful not to go too far into the discussion where i would lose my stability. She helped me try to stay in my reasonable, logical mind. She was asking me alot of questions about how i (logical, reasonable me) thought and felt toward the part of me that feels like a bad child. Every time i would start to get emotional and feel like i was slipping into my child mode, she would say, "Ask that part of you to "step back" just for right now, so we can continue to learn more about this. It helped me stay on focus and not disintegrate.

At the end of the session, she helped me contain everything. She told parts of me that had been feeling shameful or self-punishing to step back for now -- not to act out or show up in my dreams. That we would get to all their concerns, but for right now, i needed to stay calm and level. Otherwise, we would not be able to do the work i need to do.

It sounds kind of odd, like DID, but I'm not. I would probably qualify for the DDNOS diagnoses, but I actually complex PTSD. It's just that i have different parts of me that feel different ways, and it can make working on things in therapy very hard because i experience so many inner conflicts. I'm pretty sure my self of self is very fragmented, so i tend to go back and forth between having one outllook, and then another. And the goal i think is, over time, to learn to integrate more of my feelings and experiences, so that i have more of a sense of having a balanced stable sense of myself, where i don't have to go back and forth all the time to figure out how I really think and feel.

Anyway, I digress. . .

My t is starting to pack up her office. I noticed yesterday alot of her books and things on her shelf are gone. She only has until the end of the month before she leaves. She finally has the address where she is going to be located, but not the days/times. She said she still has not heard back from my insurance company about whether or not she can be a Preferred provider.

My h and I got into a skiff last night about how often I can see my t if she can't get on my insurance. It's out of the question for me to see her weekly, as i've always done. Even with her reduced fee, it is too expensive.

My h wants me to go down to 2 times per month. I've always had alot of difficulty with t vacations and missed sessions. I've gotten better, but it has often caused our work to get disrupted, as well as our connection. Attachment and separation is one of my biggest issues, though i am working on it.

I told my h that I can't handle going from 4 sessions per month to only 2 sessions. He thinks I can do it, and should try to do it. I know in my heart it's "too much, too soon." We finally agreed that if my t can't get on my insurance, then for the first 4 months, i can see her 3 times per month - but after that, i will have to go down to 2 times per month -- unless in an unusual case i would need an extra emergency session.

I'm still worried about this arrangement! I just don't feel ready! But I also know that I've been in t for 10+ years, and it can't go on this way forever. My h says I've made alot of progress over the past couple of years, and I'm not giving myself credit for it. He says I'm scared and clinging to my t, but I need to see that i can do alot more on my own now.

I feel good about the challenge of going from 4 sessions to 3 per month. It's going from 3 to 2 that i don't think i am going to be able to handle.

I'm scared . . .

(((((((((((Peaches))))))))))) if my h told me to decrease how often i went to therapy right now, it would devaste me and i would too be so scared. I bet you have made progress, however you know whats best for you to live healthier. Also there is no time limit on therapy, it depends on the person. Everyone of us is so different and heal differently. It's ok to cling to your t, it makes you safe and right now seeing her less would not be good, trauma is very hard to work through, i really hope your insurance comes through and you can go to t weekly. I too am hoping when my t comes back from holidays next week i can see her more often then 2 times a month, she works at a mental health clinic and is busy. Keeping you in my prayers! Keep posting here this is a very supportive forum!

can you start going every 10 days and transfer to 12 then 14 and if need be get down to 1x a month? You may want to look into a 2nd T once you transfer to 14, and slowly transfer to that T 3x a week.

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all your encouragement and good suggestions. I'm mulling them over to see what i could do to make this transition easier. But I'm feeling so discouraged right now!

My t says she's still not heard from my insurance company. She hasn't said that she's tried to call them back. Although she's told me she'll try to get on my insurance, she's already stated that she doesn't want to get on a bunch of insurance's in her private practice. Because she's so busy trying to get relocated, I don't want to bother her by pushing her to keep calling. But it doesn't seem like she's making it a priority.

Also, she starts her private practice in September, and we're already having a hard time finding appt times that will work for both of us. She will only be working 2 half-days and 1 full day per week since she'll be sharing an office with somebody else. On top of that, she just told me she'll be gone 2 weeks during September. We've already emailed back and forth 3 times trying to find appt times that will work for me. It looks like I'll only have 2 appt in September anyway. . .

I also drove down to her new office last week to see where it is. It takes me almost 1 hour each way to get there. Her current office is already pretty far away, and her new one is even farther for me to go.

So. . .I feel discouraged. I hate how things are changing! If she doesn't get on my insurance, I'll be paying twice as much money and getting 50% less sessions. Plus driving almost an hour each way.

I'm very attached to her, and can't stand the thought of terminating and finding someone new after all these years. But it's already starting to feel like it's not working out very well.

For those of you who have t's you've been in therapy with for a long time and you are really attached to (or have been in the past), what would you do in this situation? If you changed t's, how did it work out?

Peaches

I'm sorry for popping this to the top -- but I was hoping for someone to share their experience of being in a similar situation. Anybody?

Peaches how long have you been with her? I would bug her about being as flexable with you as possiable. Is the money that imporant to her? How about phone sessions?
I feel for you.

peaches I really feel for you because I'm in kind of a similar situation. I've been with my T for over 4 years and because I was considered low income, the county paid for my counseling and I was able to see my T once a week. In April I got married and moved to a different town and since my husband put me on his insurance I lost the funding from the county for my counseling. The insurance is really awful because our deductible is so high, so I have to pay out of pocket, $96 a session. With the cost of the sessions and the hour drive to see my T, I've been scheduling appts for every other week. It feels really different since I was used to seeing her every week and was making so much progress. My T had suggested that I consider finding a T closer to where I live but I said no because I don't want to start all over again. But on the other hand, I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to pay for sessions and for the gas to get back and forth.

I think if you really have a good connection with your T and want to continue working with her, let her know that and hopefully she can get on your insurance or reduce her rate for you. If not and you still need therapy, it might be a good idea to start looking for a different T if you're comfortable with that.

I moved 2100 miles away & had to change...it took me awhile to find a psychologist that worked well, but she's the best change I'm made with a psychologist....none before her can even compare.....along with the DBT group the community care offers & even better reduced rated for those of us who only have medicare.

Found better care & better caring people.

I made many changes when I lived in Ca also....some forced some not....but one thing I had happen with a long drive to my psychologist was that with the long drive after a very stressful session, I ended up crashing my car on the way home...I zoned out & dozed off & crashed my car across the center divider. Fire department picked my & my little eskie up because I was so out of it I put in the wrong information on the call box without knowing it.

Sometimes if you can find a closer T in the overall picture, it might be better for you. Know that change isn't easy....I had to go to a different one after going through a trauma when my mom was dying of cancer & the psychologist i had been seeing had back surgery. I had ended up in the medical hospital with anorexia & had a psocyologist come in & see me daily during the several months I was in the hospital trying to deal with the trauma, not just the anorexia.....but came out & didn't have a psychologist only my pdoc so I went back to a psychologist that wasn't really good in my past, but I had been in a really black place in my life then.....I didn't find her much better at that point either.....she definitely didn't validate the trauma I went through.....but I needed someone to talk to until my other psychologist was back from his surgery.....that was right before I moved anyway.

It all works out I think....if the distance isn't good, something closer will work out better if you are open to them working out & willing to take time to look for the right one (many times they don't charge for a first time visit

Hi Invisiblebutterfly,

So you are seeing your t 2 times per month and would like to see them each week? It's hard when you feel like you need more support than you can get. Have they told you that you can't have more sessions? Do you have friends or family that understand and will support you?

My only support outside of my t and PC/email support is my husband. I can't talk to anybody else in my 3D life about it. Too many people are freaked out or judgemental about mental illness. I even found that the friends i used to have stopped being supportive when i started having depression and going to therapy. It's so sad. It's a good thing PC is here!

Hi Elbie,

Yes and no. Yes i would feel abandoned because I don't have much other support in my life. I have come to count on my t for support that i truly need. But I wouldn't feel like it was my t's fault because she's done what she can to try to get on my insurance. Plus, it wasn't her fault she has to retire now from the agency she worked at for over 20 years. It's a hospital, and they decided to contract out their mental health services instead of having them in-house. So my t doesn't really have any say in it. I just think i would have an extremely tough time having to pare down so much and only see her 2/month.

Hi MikeJ,

Thanks for letting me know that you have gone through this. Can I ask, how long did it take for you to get used to having less sessions? Was it hard for the whole year, or did it get easier?

Hi Ygrec,

Yes, my t did offer me a big discount. Unfortunately, it is still twice as much as I pay now with my insurance. My husband isn't willing to spend much more on therapy than we are spending now. He thinks I'm well enough to reduce sessions and be OK. He says if i am not OK, then we can talk about it, but he thinks i can do it.

So far. . .STILL no word from my insurance company. My t has sent in paperwork and called them a couple of times. They haven't called her back, even though they say they will. What's the deal?!

Hi WePow,

Thanks so much for caring! If your t happens to tell you how he is planning to manage things when his t retires, please share it with me. I can use all the help I can get!

Hi Echoes,

My t's fee in her private practice is going to be $110-115 per hour. She has offered me $75. I wouldn't feel right asking her to lower her fees even more. I just wish my husband would agree to let me continue weekly. But maybe he is right, maybe I'm ready to start cutting back a little, and am just scared to step out of my comfort zone. But it feels really scary to me.

I think it would be less scary if i had friends and family i could talk to or socialize with. I might not feel so alone, and maybe wouldn't need to talk to my t so often. But aside from my h, I'm pretty well alone with everything. Friends i had before really failed me, and now my trust is zero. I need my t.