[lostmyway21]

My T told me I might be limited to 60 sessions a year by my new insurance company. I go twice a week, and mathematically that wouldn't work. Panic set it immediately and he saw it on my face. He told me regardless if I ran out of sessions or not, he would continue to see me at twice a week. He said, he wants me to always think about how that is SO far from abandoning me it's ridiculous, and to remember that when I doubt him. He also said that he couldn't do that for everybody, but he WOULD do it for me.

So when was THAT moment, you knew your T was the RIGHT one for you?

[stopdog]

I have not had such a moment and doubt if I will. It does not sound like something I would do.
Good that your therapist will work with you on the appointments.

[SeaSalt]

Sixty sessions a year? Wow. And I thought my insurance paying for 20 a year was good.

I've only seen my T twice so far but I think she is a good fit. I liked her the first visit and thought she would prolly be good for me. She would push me where I need to be pushed. She's blunt, which can be a bit intimidating but I think it will be what I need.

I was happy to discover she has never terminated a client. I asked her on the first visit if I could see her once a week in the beginning. She said "she didnt do that." Hmmmm, okay. So after second visit as she was making my next appt she said that starting in July (after her vacation) I could come once a week if I could afford it. She did say they have no sliding scale fee or anything so I am assuming there are no discounts or freebies. Maybe that will change once we see each other more. I fear getting too dependent on her then not being able to afford to go as much as I would like.

I knew he was the right one for me when I said something in therapy and his response was, "yeah, that's bull s h it." hahahahaha. "Did you really just tell me what I had to say was bull s h it?" "Yeah, because it is. That's not true; you are not a horrible person and if you'd stop to think for a minute, you'd realize it." I was laughing and pissed at the same time.

[crazycanbegood]

when she let me send her all my crazy talking emails and answered/returned my crazy talking phone calls

[Dreamy01]

Strangely, right from the very first session. I go by instinct. I have seen Ts for just one session only and not returned because they felt all wrong and we didn't 'click'. I saw one potential T for two sessions because I liked her and wanted it to work, but it simply wasn't right.

I knew my former T was right for where I was at because she had such a gift for listening. When I told her about health issues I had, she really 'got it' in a way that even doctors never have. It was amazing. She was totally with me, totally present and we simply clicked on a personality level too.

When I first met current T I felt she was strong, boundaried and containing. My child part instantly warmed to her. She felt safe yet challenging and I knew on some subconscious level she could be that role model I needed to help me move on. Funny how now I only seem to want to right against moving on.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have not had such a moment and doubt if I will. It does not sound like something I would do.
Good that your therapist will work with you on the appointments.

Would there be something wrong with doing it?

I had a feeling during the 1st session. We were switching a lot and she took it all in stride. And one of the inner 5 yr olds told her something like " youre not my old t and i dont like you and i dont want you", & she was so supportive and understood.
But then it was when one of our 3 yr old inside kids came out and i dont know what happened but she is very difficult,& T totally worked w her and accepted her. We knew it was a good match.

I really knew from our first session that it would work quite well. Just a gut instinct I guess. I could tell right away that he "got" me. I could tell his style fit for me.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Would there be something wrong with doing it?

No, not wrong, just not something I can see myself doing. I doubt if I would ever have a realization or feeling or thought that the therapist I see is the right one to see. I think she is not the worst one out there or the craziest of the ones I have interviewed, but that makes her merely reasonably not inadequate for my purposes. And half the time I think I may be wrong in that generous description.

Definitely not right from the first session. While I had respect for her obvious competence from the get go, it took a while for me to warm up to her in a personal way. It's been painstakingly gradual, really, but I can think of a pivotal point.
When I was a teenager and struggling to articulate to her what I thought about the possibility of a god, and she said, "...Have you ever read Plato?"

I had not. She proceeded to explain platonic theory to me. She used a dog in an example of a form:
"Now... imagine there is a dog. That is the doggest of all dogs."
"The absolute dog?"
"The absolute dog."

The hint of playfulness in the example was what did it.

[minneymouse]

She says she knew as soon as she met me. I knew bit by bit. Perhaps the clearest knowing was the night before her daughter's birthday two years ago. I was her last session of the day. I was so distressed I set off the fire alarm and then tried to jump out of the window to escape from the awfulness of the situation (my behaviour was really out of my control before DBT). She could have been really really angry with me. I think she was a little bit, actually. But she put me in a taxi with her and took me home (to my house, not hers)- and I knew.

[WikidPissah]

I think it was about 5 mos. in, and his father died. We spent my session talking about our fathers deaths, and comparing dad note. As abusive as my dad was, I have a love and attachment to him. I had finally found a T that wouldn't call him bad things.

never. it has never,to date,happened for us

[skysblue]

Although never having done therapy before, still during the first session I knew my T was right for me and we've been going now for 1 1/2 years.

[Nightlight]

She's my first T. I knew during the very first appointment, even though I'd gone in expecting nothing. I hadn't thought a single positive thing for six months before seeing her. I was barely clinging on. And there it was, the very first glimmer of hope. I knew straight away that T was someone I really liked. More than I like most people. I started feeling just a tiny bit better right from the first appointment, just because I'd managed a single positive thought. I wasn't expecting it at all. Thankfully she stuck with me too! three years later now, and I've needed every little bit of help that she's been able to give me. I've got a long way to go but I've changed a lot in the last 3 years.

[SeaSalt]

Wow Nightlight, that is inspiring!

when he put up with all my tests that i didn't even realize i was doing. and he helped heal my children. that is why i went there in the beginning.

[rainboots87]

My T actually puts up with my insurance company. I'm one of only two clients that she takes insurance from. There has been a lot of chaos, especially with beginning of the year deductibles and trying to contact them via phone, but she does it for me. I know she rarely bills them since she only has the two of us with this insurance, so she goes months at a time only getting my tiny deductible w/o having received the insurance's compensation.

I think the kicker though was when she went on maternity leave last year. She communicated with my dietitian (same office) about stuff and a lot of it warmed my heart. The big one though was when my dietitian told T that she was raising her fee (for everyone), so she'd "have to raise rainboots' [discounted] rate." Apparently T told her, "Oh no you're not." It really made me smile when the dietitian told me the story.

Recently, this care for me was confirmed when my T said that she's invested in me. The entire conversation made me feel so cared for, and I remember just feeling kind of shocked. She doesn't often tell me things that will feed into my desire for approval, but she does tell me what's important for me to know. I actually knew for the moment I met her (in a group setting) that I wanted to work with her, and I don't regret that decision one bit.

[critterlady]

From the first session, I clicked with T. I can't articulate exactly why, but talking to him is like wrapping myself in a soft, warm blanket in a cold room.

Before I first met with my T, I checked out his website. I read everything on it, including links to papers he had written. So I already knew that his practice style and credentials were what I was looking for. All that was left was whether I liked him personally. I knew within about 5 minutes that I had found the one. 14 months later, I agree that first impressions can be accurate. I guess we just clicked. He is smart, sense of humor, experienced, and has a very nonjudgmental way about him. Also, his office is very comfy with bookcases everywhere and an oriental rug on the floor.

All of these positives are enough to outweigh the fact that he knows just how good he is. Saying he has a positive self-image is putting it mildly.

Things felt right with my T from the start.. and there have been many things along the way that confirmed this, things that convinced me she's there for me, the right one to help me, convinced me I could open up more, trust more, become more 'real'.. One major thing was when I 'gave in' - let her see I that I really 'needed her help' - and reached out to her for an extra session when I was struggling, shortly after new year, several months into therapy, and she halved her fee for it because she knew it wasn't something I could really afford - I thought that was such a lovely thing for her to do, and she was so caring towards me that evening. A real pivotal moment for me was later that month when I dared to email her about a dream, and she sent me a lengthy, well-thought-out, caring, encouraging response. It was like, the perfect email.. gently guiding. It meant a lot at the time, but reading it again recently I realise now just how much insight she had, how she was waiting patiently for me to be 'ready' to 'really' do therapy.. things really got off the ground after that. That email let me know for sure that she would stick by me, that she was committed to helping me, that this was a 'journey' and she was joining me on it

[rainbow_rose]

30 minutes into my first session with her, I knew. and I'm reminded repeatedly throughout our work together.

[unaluna]

I have a bit of a deja vu but absolutely true story. Twelve years ago, I looked in my then insurance book and found a T/pdoc in my apartment building, one floor above me. I called, we chatted, I told him I lived in the building, and that I had such bad PMS I wanted to throw myself off the balcony. He replied, "What floor do you live on?" I was like, whaaa? You mean, like can I actually kill myself if I jump? He goes, yeah, or are you on like the 2nd floor and just gonna break a leg? I go, I'M ON THE NINTH FLOOR!!! But yes, that's the moment I knew he was the T for me.

A few years later, my friends and I go see Spalding Gray perform in town, but instead of his usual monologue, he will interview members of the audience. In the lobby, my friend goes, Pick her, pick her! I tell him what a huge fan I am. The show starts, and he does pick me. We start talking about therapy (of course) and this exact question comes up. I had completely forgotten, and I don't know if the T ever knew it, but this story was written practically word for word (except for the PMS part) in one of Spalding's earlier books about how he chose his therapist! So here I am on his stage, telling HIS joke to him like it's mine, all innocent, getting his laughs! He's just LOOKING at me.

A few years later I happened to reread the book the story was in, and boy was my face red. But by then Spalding was dead. Anyway that's our story.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I guess I knew the first time T2 asked me one of her gentle but knock-you-on-yr-*** questions -
the ones that make me think, wow, how did I not ever ask myself this before?!
The ones that place her hand right on the wounded place, dead accurate. she is amazing.