[unaluna]

I swear my aunt is with the mafia, no offense. She left a voicemail, making it sound like my mother was ready to drop dead any minute and that I should call her, then she finally weaseled her way to the REAL point of her call, that my mother was claiming she wasn't feeling well and she didn't want my aunt to go up north this holiday weekend. My mother is most likely invited and able to travel (my uncle would drive), but she wants things her own way. This argument over these weekends have been going on for years. I really hate that my aunt would try to pull such an obvious guilt trip on me - I mean, it's just creepy. Plus, I was doing really well this week, and I want to KEEP doing well. I can't afford any more setbacks. I keep saying that, but every time I get restarted, THEY call, and I get depressed and fall off whatever wagon I just got on - diet, exercise, washing dishes, I catch a cold, whatever. so I did not call back. I was just leaving for my swim when I saw the message. when I returned, I ate some fruit, some canned salmon and avocado, then instead of going for ice cream I blended a couple of scoops of vanilla protein powder and frozen blueberries and some water - yummy! I just don't want to tell T tomorrow that I went off my diet because of my mother. That would be like SH.

[critterlady]

Good for you, Hankster!

Your aunt and your mother sound like they were cut from the same cloth. I'm glad you were able to resist the guilt trip.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by hankster

when I returned, I ate some fruit, some canned salmon and avocado, then instead of going for ice cream I blended a couple of scoops of vanilla protein powder and frozen blueberries and some water - yummy! I just don't want to tell T tomorrow that I went off my diet because of my mother. That would be like SH.

good job taking care of yourself hankster!

Great Job Hankster! It is so hard to keep saying I'm worth going for a swim... I'm worth saying NO I will not let you get to me... saying I'm worth washing my dishes... saying I'm worth going through one pile of junk today... or whatever our goals are for ourselves... I'm worth smashing that scratchy old record that I keep playing in my head with all the bad recorded messages from the past...

Hoping you are feeling proud!

[unaluna]

thanks errybody! my tummy is feeling satisfied. it took a while, but i'm glad I waited it out. I appreciate your help.

Sorry about the stressful family phone call. I deal with that kind of thing too. It really upsets me and in the past I've let it ruin my whole day too so good for you that you didn't do that!

Also it sounds great that you got to exercise and eat good food. I did that today too and it really helps. I think the effects usually last into the next day too, giving me more energy to keep the cycle going. So double good on you!

[unaluna]

if only it would be just one day - I usually "disappear" for I don't know how long, at least a few days. and you are so right about the energy. I refuse to be weighed down anymore.

[CantExplain]

((Hankster))

[CantExplain]

FANTASY DIALOG:

Aunt: Your mother is dying.
Hankster: When is the funeral?

[unaluna]

Real dialog:

Mother: If you don't do this for me, I'll be so mad, I won't invite you to my funeral.
Hankster: You can't invite me anyway, you'll be dead.
Mother: You know what I mean. You won't be allowed.
Hankster: Okay, good to know.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

FANTASY DIALOG:

Aunt: Your mother is dying.
Hankster: When is the funeral?

Originally Posted by hankster

Real dialog:

Mother: If you don't do this for me, I'll be so mad, I won't invite you to my funeral.
Hankster: You can't invite me anyway, you'll be dead.
Mother: You know what I mean. You won't be allowed.
Hankster: Okay, good to know.

Holy s**t...both of these sound like my MIL and H. Good job Hank in not letting them get to you!

[unaluna]

oh yeah, I forgot about your MIL, my dad would start singing "Pistol-packin' mama" if he were still here. Thanks, that made me smile, unfortunately for your H and SIL!

[rainbow8]

I'm glad you're managing to keep to your good intentions to take care of yourself and not let your mother and aunt get you down.

[skysblue]

Hankster, I know you've mentioned it but I've forgotten. Why do you still associate with your dysfunctional family? They cause you no end of grief. Is there a reason why you still allow them in your life? Is there a law somewhere that you're not allowed to break? A law that says you must keep being tortured no matter what? Enlighten me please. I'm sure there's a good explanation.

I have a daughter who has borderline tendencies. I cannot cope with her dysfunction anymore. So I've made a decision that she needs to treat me in a certain way or I won't associate with her anymore. For now she has chosen to distance herself. Although a bit sad that she's made that choice, I do not regret not having anymore the turmoil she has caused in my life. There's such a relief. Putting up my own boundaries for my own peace of mind has been a godsend for me. I no longer feel responsible for her mental equilibrium. She must find professional help and if she chooses not to do that, it's not my problem anymore.

Anyways, sorry you have to keep going through this. Lots of hugs coming your way.

[stopdog]

I am glad you dealt with it so well today, but sorry you had to go through it.

[unaluna]

I don't associate. my mother doesn't call me, but my aunt does. I feel bad for my aunt being stuck with my mother, but it's their choice to associate with each other. my mother has also feuded with my dad's family, and her sister's inlaws. the sisters' two brothers even had a fight and stopped speaking many years ago. gosh, we are NOT nice people, are we?! You don't have to watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight! Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in! - Al Pacino in The Godfather. Failure of my mother and my aunt to plan ahead, does not constitute an emergency on my part, as we used to say at work. What do they expect of me? I don't even have a car! I have to keep my CPAP connected at and transmitting from home this weekend to fulfill my contract. I was never a part of the "going up north" crowd, mother wouldn't let me, so I have no dog in this race. i'm trying to live right JUST A LITTLE before I frickin die of old age.

ETA: thanks, rain, sky and dog, & lills. & can't!

[pbutton]

Impressive work! Sorry about the crappy fam stuff, but I'm inspired by your healthy eating!

[Wren_]

That stuff you wrote about setbacks just as you get on the wagon is so familar to me ... so knowing you stayed clinging on to the wagon even while the crazyness of that phonecall was going on is totally impressive! good job hankster .... ugh on that call though

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

That stuff you wrote about setbacks just as you get on the wagon is so familar to me ... so knowing you stayed clinging on to the wagon...

LOL you know i've been watching The Rifleman? and he didn't have a covered wagon for carrying supplies from town, just what they called a "buckboard" which was a seat mounted on just a platform, no sides or back or anything! so yeah that's me, hangin on to the buckboard with the Rifleman driving the horses! Yee-haw! Still good tonite, thanks for staying with me, guys!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by pbutton

Impressive work! Sorry about the crappy fam stuff, but I'm inspired by your healthy eating!

There's this guac in a bucket that is supposed to be 95% avocado, I figure it counts as an avocado! And much easier to peel! When i'm good, i'm very very good, but when i'm bad, hoo-ha!

[Wren_]

yee-haw!
i was just reading a book about buckboards the other day and didn't know what it was; now i do... weird! keep hanging on

avocado ..... yum

[unaluna]

And this morning, a call from my mother, while I was with T. i didn't see it tho until I was on the bus home. She left a msg asking if I would come keep her company. She is probably seeing and hearing ghosts at night, she believes in that stuff. She sounded fine, btw. So I called T and asked if he thought if it would be okay if I called her and told her she could call me over the weekend, and maybe I would visit if I can find a car (not likely tho, holiday wkend). He said better to put off calling her until I see T tomorrow and we talk about it. I said I hate to leave her call unanswered, maybe i'll ask my brother to let her know what i'm thinking. T said yeah. After T and I hang up, I pull up mum's number, hit call, it doesn't call, but I start feeling sick, and I understand why T said not to call. There are so many feelings! And she doesn't realize or recognize or have space for ANY of them, for any of ME. I'm just obliterated. Always have been. And I also realized, last time I was around the FOO, I was taking 300 mg of Wellbutrin, i'm off that since I stopped seeing them! I can't go back there unless i'm heavily anaesthetized! Always with the jokes...

[skysblue]

Hankster - your life is tooooo exciting. Isn't that a Chinese curse or something ?

[Snuffleupagus]

Originally Posted by hankster

He said better to put off calling her until I see T tomorrow and we talk about it. I said I hate to leave her call unanswered, maybe i'll ask my brother to let her know what i'm thinking. T said yeah. After T and I hang up, I pull up mum's number, hit call, it doesn't call, but I start feeling sick, and I understand why T said not to call. There are so many feelings! And she doesn't realize or recognize or have space for ANY of them, for any of ME. I'm just obliterated. Always have been.

Guess what, Hankster? She'll live if she doesn't know what you're thinking about doing right this minute. And if she doesn't live, it's not because you didn't call. Sometimes inaction is the best action especially when that crazy feeling of urgency possesses us.

If your parents were anything like mine, all demands had to be met IMMEDIATELY. Failing to do so had dire consequences. So much so that my DW has to begin and end requests with, "I'm not saying you have to do this right now." to ward off my defensive explanation of why I can't.

Maybe write down exactly what feelings you're having. Could be useful.

Yeah, my parents had that same demand of having to not just get complete compliance, but complete and INSTANT compliance. Try not to get sucked in, hankster.