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Old May 28, 2012, 12:23 PM
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mixedup_emotions mixedup_emotions is offline
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*sigh*

Between all the things that my mind is creating related to the awfulness of my last session with T (that I posted on my last thread).....and the reality of my current financial situation....I am feeling SO down.



I just want to cry....but I don't want my daughter to see me in distress.

My ex-husband is outside cutting my lawn which he has been doing for the last month. I appreciate the help - and we get along very well - but it was the impetus that caused him to trap me in my house and attempt to sexually assault me a couple years ago - so I am super cautious. I believe he learned his lesson after it happened - being arrested, court, fines, lawyer fees. And I truly feel things have changed for the better between us, but it's still a bit uncomfortable for me.

...Add to that, knowing that my marriage and all of my close friendships were things that I ended as a result of my work in therapy....and being so angry and sad about what's going on in therapy right now....leaving me feeling so lost and alone and just plain yucky.

Just wanted to get this out, in the hopes that it wouldn't poison me inside....

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  #2  
Old May 28, 2012, 03:27 PM
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googley googley is offline
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((((((((((((MUE)))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are having such an awful day in the midst of a hard time. I can totally understand it is unsettling (and possibly triggering) to have your ex cutting your lawn.

Take care of yourself.

Thanks for this!
mixedup_emotions
  #3  
Old May 28, 2012, 03:29 PM
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rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
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Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
lots of safe hugs to you
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Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

Thanks for this!
mixedup_emotions
  #4  
Old May 28, 2012, 04:01 PM
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WikidPissah WikidPissah is offline
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I don't know what to say MUE...it just sux, all the way around...and i am sorry you're hurting
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never mind...
Thanks for this!
mixedup_emotions
  #5  
Old May 28, 2012, 05:21 PM
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mixedup_emotions mixedup_emotions is offline
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Thanks everyone.....just trying to get through the day, one minute at a time. I hate it when I feel like this....
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail...
Hugs from:
lostmyway21
Thanks for this!
rainbow_rose
  #6  
Old May 28, 2012, 06:23 PM
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Crescent Moon Crescent Moon is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,565
What a difficult situation.. please know that you aren't alone.
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Thanks for this!
mixedup_emotions
  #7  
Old May 28, 2012, 07:59 PM
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lostmyway21 lostmyway21 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 2,208
I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. That's a tough situation.
Thanks for this!
mixedup_emotions
  #8  
Old May 28, 2012, 10:30 PM
Anonymous37917
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MEU, please keep yourself safe. Please do something nice for yourself. I'll be thinking of you.
Thanks for this!
mixedup_emotions
  #9  
Old May 28, 2012, 11:34 PM
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mixedup_emotions mixedup_emotions is offline
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Thanks for the support....(( HUGS ))

I am hanging in there....

I've realized that during times like this, I tend to lean towards listening to music. I like a lot of different types of music. During a significant deep depression, I found myself listening to bands like "Suicidal Tendencies" and the like.

Now, I've been listening to Goyte's "Somebody that I used to know".....over and over and over again. I realize it's a popular song right now, but it dawned on me how much this song relates to how I'm feeling....

Some key lyrics:

But felt so lonely in your company

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
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Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail...
  #10  
Old May 28, 2012, 11:39 PM
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shipping shipping is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 264
First, I'm sorry you are so down right now.

Second, how old is your daughter? You know, it's not a bad thing for our children to see us cry. It makes them become more compassionate people. So unless you've been specifically advised by your daughter's therapist or something, I suggest letting her see your distress or sadness. Let me know if I just don't get it. Peace to you.
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My life resembles something that has not occurred. I am a birdcage without any bird.
E.E. Cummings
Thanks for this!
mixedup_emotions
  #11  
Old May 28, 2012, 11:45 PM
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mixedup_emotions mixedup_emotions is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shipping View Post
First, I'm sorry you are so down right now.

Second, how old is your daughter? You know, it's not a bad thing for our children to see us cry. It makes them become more compassionate people. So unless you've been specifically advised by your daughter's therapist or something, I suggest letting her see your distress or sadness. Let me know if I just don't get it. Peace to you.
My daughter is 11 years old. This surely is one thing that I struggle with, not wanting my daughter to see me upset.

** MAY TRIGGER **

When my daughter was 5 years old, she witnessed my dad dropped dead from a massive heart attack - about an hour after attending a grandparent visitation at my daughter's school. Every time she talked to me about him, I would cry - and even though I tried to tell her that it was ok, she said that she didn't like talking to me about him because my crying always made her cry.

Since then, I've struggled with putting on a brave face for her....It's more my issue than hers, I suppose.
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Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail...
  #12  
Old May 29, 2012, 12:00 AM
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shipping shipping is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2012
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O, I see. I am sorry that happened. Maybe you could talk to her about how people are sometimes sad and need to cry, even adults and parents. I wish you the best in this.
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My life resembles something that has not occurred. I am a birdcage without any bird.
E.E. Cummings
Thanks for this!
mixedup_emotions
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