[sconnie892]

Wanted to share my experience and see what others experiences are with this too.

Lately I've been very aware of the physical distance between t and myself during sessions. Usually we meet in t's office. T sits on a small couch and I sit across the office in a chair. There's probably 6 or 7 feet between us. But two sessions ago it was nice outside and we sat at a picnic table behind the building.

I found it much easier to share sitting at the picnic table than in t's office. I stayed more present and felt I could answer questions with less hesitation. With less distance I felt like my words weren't going to get lost between me and t. But, I also appreciated the barrier the table created between us. Our spaces were still defined. I don't want t to touch me or hold me. I still want my own space. I just feel like less distance between us makes me feel more secure in sharing. I am thinking of bringing this up next session, but I am a bit nervous about doing so.

I am curious how others experience physical distance in sessions.

[lostmyway21]

Well I go for walks in sessions with my T. We walk right next to each other so our distance is pretty close. Sometimes im not paying attention and I even walk into him. I open up and talk a lot more on walks. He noticed that and has made it an every session thing for me. In session we are about 5-6 feet away with a coffee table in between us and I talk less. I guess the physical closeness has attributed to my opening up in session.

[unaluna]

my T used to have us katy-corner across a 5 x 8 rug and I HATED it!!! I felt like I was shouting across the Grand Canyon to him. We both had our feet up on footstools and there was like a couple feet distance between the footstools! HELLOOO OUT THERE! I told him almost immediately to buy one of those old old-fashioned love seats that are double intertwined chairs, seats facing each other! Finally he brought in another chair for his couples therapy, and I started sitting in the couples chair which was at the short end of the rug near him. Now sometimes we end up sharing the same footstool, or he will bring his footstool next to my chair and put his arm around me for a few minutes. Physically we're very buddy-buddy, but emotionally i'm not there yet, there's a wall.

[jenluv]

This is why I ask T to sit on the floor with me. One, because it's more comfortable for me (the couch always seems to eat me) and two, it makes us sit closer together. It's more intimate for me and helps me open up and really communicate.

I know what you mean, T and I have always sat about 6 ft away from each other, facing, but sometimes now she'll drag her chair over and sit at right angles to me while we look at my art journal.. I feel like her being physically closer (even if only for about 5 minutes out of a session) brings us 'closer' and makes it easier to talk. Maybe it's because now I know I can trust her 'in my space' or something, I don't know..

[critterlady]

We sit in chairs that are about 4 or 5 feet from each other. It's a little far for me. Plus, his chair is higher than mine and he's taller, so I'm always looking up at him. I don't like that much.

My previous T had chairs set up in a corner and the front edges of the chair were about 3 feet apart - when we sat down, we had to organize how our legs were crossed so we weren't kicking each other. I actually liked that distance a lot - it made the session more intimate. That T did say once, though, that he liked the chairs a little farther apart, but his office setup didn't allow it.

[WikidPissah]

XXXXXXXXX sorry.

[Towanda]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Ok...I am going to admit something that is very difficult for me to admit. Don't jump to conclusions I am NOT attaching (and even if I am don't tell me it). T sits in a wheely office chair usually about 5 ft away. Several sessions when I have opened up a little he wheeled the chair in closer...like a foot away...and er, um, ahem...I kind of liked it.

[quote=WikidPissah;2372860]

I know how you feel. My T usually sits about 5-6 feet away in his chair in front of his desk and I sit on a couch - nothing in between us. He seems SO far away, especially when I'm sharing something difficult or emotional. Recently he wanted to explain something in a book and sat in a chair right next to me. It was so nice having him close by, not feeling like I was shouting across the room. And no, there was nothing sexual or touchy/feeley about having him close to me. But then he's always had these very strictly defined personal boundaries - space, touch. I've always assumed it's because he treats a lot of SA clients and he has to be very careful. And as a therapist in training, I understand why keeping a certain distance is necessary. Still, I think he could move a LITTLE closer and not put either one of us in jeopardy.

[stopdog]

I like the distance and derive great comfort from the coffee table between the therapist and myself. I would move her further away from me if I could. In my memory it is further away than it is for real. So about the distance in a coffee table. I doubt if it is 6 feet but it might be. I have trouble remembering the office from week to week. I remember it as dark and each week I am kind of surprised that it is sort of light.

T and I sit around 5 feet-ish away from each other. He sits in his rolling office chair, so sometimes he moves closer. The distances seem fine to me. He has a really cozy feeling office, so the overall environment is pretty comfortable.

[northgirl]

With me too, it's about 5-6 feet. One thing I hate is that while I sit on the loveseat, he sits in one of 2 nice plush swivel chairs situated across from the couch. Not only do I hate that it ends up that I am taller than him because the couch is more firm and I'm so tall, so I'm sort of looking down, but it seems like he is so nice and protected, almost enveloped by the chair, with two armrests and everything, while I am uncomfortably exposed, usually in the center of the couch, desperately wanting to be more comfortable. So many times I wish I could just sort of stretch out and sit like I would at home, but that probably wouldn't make for a good conversation angle, let alone a way for me to make sure I stay involved and don't let myself drift off.

[stopdog]

The one I see only has a horrible couch too. She sits in a chair, but the only other furniture is the couch. And it is not good. I would feel better in a chair. There is enough room in the office so I go with it is a power thing on the part of the therapist. Walking would be good I think. I might like that.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The one I see only has a horrible couch too. She sits in a chair, but the only other furniture is the couch. And it is not good. I would feel better in a chair. There is enough room in the office so I go with it is a power thing on the part of the therapist. Walking would be good I think. I might like that.

Have you considered that would put you at a VERY close distance to your T? I walk with my T and were not even 2ft away from each other. Maybe that's cause I'm in the city and there isnt a lot of room. Maybe it's cause we're comfortable with our no touch boundaries, therefore aren't afraid of closeness?

[stopdog]

When walking the slightly closer to strangers does not bother me as much.

I sit on a love seat and my therapist sits at a 90 degree angle from me to the left. She has a cusioned chair directly opposite to her and a loooong couch directly across from me.. . .I've tried both: the chair is too short. My therapist is about 5'1" and I'm 5'9". The couch is too stiff and uncomfortable. Soooo, I settle for the "overused" love seat that makes me feel as though I'm sinking into oblivion!

I do like that she's at an angle to me and not directly across from me. I like the option to look out the window and lose myself in the clouds or the swaying trees. Space is a good thing!

I sit on the couch and my t sits in her chair, maybe 4-5 feet between us with a small round table in between. I'm not good at guessing distances but it's a comfortable distance. not too close, not grand-canyonish. the only exception is when I'm doing a sandplay thingy then she's usually standing nearby watching what I'm creating. I like the more informal feel of that; makes me think I'd like the going for walks too. Haven't done it, but I think it would be comfortable.

[Gently1]

distance is very important to me - i did not know that- as I am fairly blocked from my emotions but one day
when I noticed space was important to me,
and shared my reaction the next week with the T,
that I need space
then after that discussion, without a word he has quietly kept his distance
the T created a safe space and really showed me that he heard me
now I feel some trust, there will be time when I may feel emotional safety.

I do not know if he has a no touch rule, cause i have that rule, I will bring it up next time-

my new Pdoc sits behind a desk and I find that much more comfortable for taking notes and I not having to balance a coffe cup at the same time

[struggling2]

id say we are about 6-8 ft away directly across from each other. i dont know how id feel if she was closer. i think id like it but be uncomfortable at the same time. she has made comments before about "we should have session outside today"...and i always thought it was a small talk comment referring to how nice the weather is that day but then last week i showed up for EMDR T and regular T came out to get another client and they went outside......i dont know how id feel about that.

[crazycanbegood]

This is no distance between us usually. Sometimes about a foot.

[shipping]

How interesting to sit on the floor with one's T.

i must be the only one, i do not like sitting close and i don't ever want him to touch me, i sit on the floor and t sits in a chair about 8ft away. i get as far away as possible. i stare at my feet or the wall, t just gets to see the side of me. profile only.

[lrt1978]

We use different rooms nearly each session, but I sit in a chair, and the t sits in a chair opposite me, there is usually a table in between, sometimes there isn't depending on what room we are in. Depending on what we are doing sometimes we stand close if we are doing an activity on body image but no one is allowed to touch me, I mean no one, T doesn't know that but touch has never been an issue as there has never been a need to touch

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by jbmomg

i must be the only one, i do not like sitting close and i don't ever want him to touch me, i sit on the floor and t sits in a chair about 8ft away. i get as far away as possible. i stare at my feet or the wall, t just gets to see the side of me. profile only.

No, you are not the only one. Several of us are on the sit far away non touch side of things.