I'm seeing a new T. I've met with him four times - the first two times mainly as a psychiatrist, but now he's taken me on as a therapy client and Iäll hopefully get a weekly appointment with him after the summer.

So I'm thinking a lot about how to make this work, because I really want it to. I will have to learn to deal with a bunch of negative emotions, that's one of the things I must do to get better. And then one of the main issues becomes that of respect. How can I expect somebody to respect me if I display emotion in front of them at a regular basis? Not to mention when I tell him all the shameful stuff I think I will have to tell him? And if he doesn't respect me I don't see how I could tell him things. I'm not sure if that's another sign of weakness in me, but there it is at any rate. I don't expect that he'll like me, and by "respect" I don't mean that I expect him to think particularly highly of me, but I want to be seen as a potentially well-functioning adult, capable of making good decisions and able to deal with my emotions. Simply put, I don't want him to despise me.

Is this something that anybody else can recognise? How do you deal with it? Just jump in and trust blindly that the respect will be there, and if it isn't deal with it then?

Oh, and I know all about how you can't expect anybody else to respect you if you don't respect yourself, but if I have to start by getting self-respect there's no use in me even trying, because I've had none for 39 years - and still there are people around me who do, to some extent, respect me (I think).

[sittingatwatersedge]

Apteryx these are all normal questions i think! And questions that you need to address with yr T. Keep on asking them until you are comfortable with the responses you get. Yr T needs to know that you are sensitive in this area, and talking about it now before you get into yr story can help to avoid ruptures in future (may not PREVENT ruptures to be sure, but help avoid)

this is not easy work, but you can do it. keep going

maybe it would help if you imagine a friend coming to you, and pouring out a personal event in confidence. you would probably be honored that they trusted you enough to open up to you; you would probably not feel rejecting, but would want to help them where possible. yes?

[WikidPissah]

Hey Apt...
One thing I have learned (and I haven't learned much) is that the things we consider dark and shameful are really not. T's have a way of maintaining that respect in the T-room. I have never had a t roll their eyes or sigh when I spoke about shameful things.

Plus, you seem a very easy going and likable person to me, so i am sure your T will not despise you.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Apteryx these are all normal questions i think! And questions that you need to address with yr T. Keep on asking them until you are comfortable with the responses you get. Yr T needs to know that you are sensitive in this area, and talking about it now before you get into yr story can help to avoid ruptures in future (may not PREVENT ruptures to be sure, but help avoid)

Say this to the T??

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

maybe it would help if you imagine a friend coming to you, and pouring out a personal event in confidence. you would probably be honored that they trusted you enough to open up to you; you would probably not feel rejecting, but would want to help them where possible. yes?

Well, yes, that is true. I shall have to try and process this line of thought. Thanks!

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Hey Apt...
One thing I have learned (and I haven't learned much) is that the things we consider dark and shameful are really not. T's have a way of maintaining that respect in the T-room. I have never had a t roll their eyes or sigh when I spoke about shameful things.

Plus, you seem a very easy going and likable person to me, so i am sure your T will not despise you.

Thank you. It's my online persona, you know, but it's still very nice to hear that.

And yes, I'm sure Ts have heard it all, and worse, before. But that's the intellectual response. If I were ruled by my intellect, all would be fine.

I suspect that the only way I'll be able to know is by talking, and seeing his response.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

Say this to the T??

sure, no problem. "Say, T, I met someone who calls herself Sittingatwatersedge, and she's really concerned about possible backlash from her T if she opens up and tells dark, ugly things about herself. How do therapists receive such things? Should she be concerned about losing her T's respect? If not, why ever not? How can she get her courage up to show herself as she really is?"

howzat......... ?

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

howzat......... ?

love it.

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

How can I expect somebody to respect me if I display emotion in front of them at a regular basis? Not to mention when I tell him all the shameful stuff I think I will have to tell him? And if he doesn't respect me I don't see how I could tell him things. I'm not sure if that's another sign of weakness in me, but there it is at any rate. I don't expect that he'll like me, and by "respect" I don't mean that I expect him to think particularly highly of me, but I want to be seen as a potentially well-functioning adult, capable of making good decisions and able to deal with my emotions. Simply put, I don't want him to despise me.

Absolutely, I recognize that in myself. In one of my very first sessions, I talked to T about it. He assured me (and has repeatedly shown with his actions) that his respect can't be diminished one tiny bit by any display of my emotions. In fact, I think he respects me more now than he did in the beginning, in part because I have been willing to let my guard down with him and he knows that happens with very few people.

Really, talking to him about is the way to go. I know it's hard. Almost everything about therapy is hard. But I think you'll find it very reassuring if you do.

[stopdog]

It helps me to keep reminding myself that I am in no way the most difficulty symptom -wise person the therapists has as a client. I figure I am fairly boring and so no matter what I tell the woman, it is just not that big of a deal because it is so very ordinary. I want the therapist to know I know stuff is not real. But other than that, I figure I am the most garden variety neurotic around.