Sorry this is long. But I need to vent and get this outta my system.

OK my almost 14 year old son is visiting with his grandparents and aunt in the midwest for the summer. I just had this huge argument with my sister (said aunt) via text messages that she started by saying "Why do you let your son drink mt dew??????!!!!!" I reacted in a much different way this time than I usually would to her butting into my life/family. I stood up for myself and answered her honestly "We pick our battles. He is a great kid. We let him drink soda sometimes. We're not naive enough to think that kids his age aren't out there drinking beer and trying drugs. In fact we know they are. So just like when he was little we continue to choose our battles." She responded by insinuating that I am a bad parent. She said "You might as well be letting him drink alcohol. It's called parenting. You shouldn't let him do things that are not good for him."

Well then I sorta let my anger out a little, and I replied "I don't want to be hurtful. I say this as politely as I can. He is MY son. YOU are not a parent at all. So please butt out on this one, ok?"

She responded "I will not butt out on this one. You should not let him drink soda ever. Especially not mountain dew. You should not drink soda yourself either. You are ruining your child's health."

At this point, I turned off my cell phone. I just felt like she was being very hurtful to me and in a situation that isn't really any of her business. It's not like I mainline him soda for heaven's sake. He drinks it sometimes. He also drinks water, milk, orange juice, gatorade, apple juice, etc. He is a healthy boy, 6'2" tall, an honor roll student every semester, plays baritone sax in band, etc. I am SO proud of my son. He is the one thing in my life that I have never doubted that I have done a good job with. We have raised and continue to raise him up right.

ANYway. As I was talking about it with my husband, I was so upset and crying because she really hurt my feelings. And I realized something. I told hubby that this is the kind of thing that makes me want to go eat a huge bowl of ice cream. I think I would eat at a time like this so I wouldn't have to feel what I was feeling. I told him I'm not going to eat this time. I'm going to let myself feel this, and let myself cry it out, and then let it go. I don't need to eat this time.

This was a MAJOR thing for me to realize. I'll be telling t when I see her Tuesday for sure. I mean I've read it before, where people say they eat to push down their feelings, but I never really 'got' it. Until today. This is huge. It was also a major thing for me to stand up for myself to her in the first place. So, a couple big things today resulting from her text.

Whew, I feel better already putting it all down here. I guess I won't call my parents and tell them to put my son on an airplane home immediately after all. (That was my gut response to the whole argument!)

Thanks for listening if anybody made it this far!

Good for you. I have no idea why some people think they can tell us how to parent. Just meanness I think. You did a good job in turning off the phone and not engaging in the argument since that is what she was after anyway. It really had nothing to do with your son. It was just a mean, power trip she was on. Don't engage. Don't engage. Don't engage. Good work.

Great job seeing the connection to eating and choosing to handle it a different way.

[Chopin99]

That's why I, not being a parent, don't give people parenting advice; it is simply not my place.

Good for you for recognizing a situation in which you would stress-eat and following through on not eating!

that was awesome♥♥♥ we are doing the same exact thing right now with our eating as well as doing a food detox. you should be very proud of yourself!

I think you handled the conversation PERFECTLY. Like an adult. You stood up for yourself, when another person was being openly hostile and critical to you. I could feel my blood pressure rising as I read the conversation, and doubt that I could have handled it as well as you did. I bet your T is going to be proud of you! And you should be proud of yourself!! Crying afterward is a good way to release those emotions and frustration. It was a difficult situation and of course it upset you. It would anyone.

And it's great news that you saw (felt!) the connection between the eating. And I just want to say that it IS possible to overcome this, because I did. It took years and years, but once I actually GOT the connection, I was gradually able to not use food as an emotion blocker. I lost 60 pounds, and have kept it off for over 2 years. Just wish I had learned this lesson sooner. I just wanted to share that because I think you've taken a huge step forward. Thanks for sharing!

[Sannah]

Excellent insight into your behaviors!!

[WikidPissah]

good job. I do the same thing, my brother's pissed at me so hand over the chocolate tofutti.

[SoupDragon]

Wow - that is so great that you recognised this in yourself - well done to you! Soup

Originally Posted by Chopin99

That's why I, not being a parent, don't give people parenting advice; it is simply not my place.

Yeah, same here - I'm not a mother and don't want to be a mother, so it would never even occur to me that I could or should give that kind of advice. I know it sometimes drove Mum bonkers when my dad's sisters, who were unmarried and had no children, kept telling her how to raise us.

Aunting advice I can give, though (i.e. advice to aunts). I'm a pretty good aunt. And high up on the list comes: You're an aunt, not a mother, so while it's obviously OK to have different house rules for your niece or nephew compared to how they do things at home, you shouldn't ever try to imply that their parents' way is inferior to yours. Because it probably isn't, just different.