[yang0868]

So what is it?

[WikidPissah]

ick.

Sometimes I wanted to call just to know he's there. I refrained from that, but I'd think about it.

I felt a let down after sessions, because I knew it'd be a week before I could talk to him again.

I cared more about what he thought of me then I cared about relieving my mind of dark secrets and thoughts.

5 min on the phone with him would relieve the biggest crisis'

Important Edit: In no way have I ever thought of him as more than a T. No sexual attraction whatsoever...never. Just a strong desire to talk to him.

What do you mean by attachment here?

[roads]

Uh, not a clue why you're asking.
So, no clue whether this answer will be anything near what you're looking for.

Attached ... as in romantically? I'm not. I'm a she & he's a he & we acknowledge that, but there's no sexual attraction. No, we've not discussed it--but he's been doing this 16+ yrs, I'm over 20yrs in therapy & it's not an issue in our work.

Attached ... as in absolutely resolved to continuing to work with him ... as in would be devastated were the relationship to end. I am.

What is it? It's commitment. It's knowing the relationship is a healthy one, based on mutual respect. I have placed before him goals for myself, and he has affirmed them as (1) goals he believes I am capable of achieving in the near future, and (2) goals he has the professional skills to teach me ways to obtain and incorporate into my life.

Roadie

[stopdog]

It is not good.

[unaluna]

http://www.psych-it.com.au/Psychlope...icle.asp?id=70

This is a long but totally gruesome er I mean awesome article about attachment styles. It explains the 4 attachment styles - the finally figured out it was a binary configuration! - and give a ton of different life situations. I read it just last night, so I can't remember if it gave any therapy situations, seriously. my brain is burnt.

[yang0868]

Answer how you would interpret the meaning of "being or feeling attached" to your T. Whether it is romantic, plantonic, or whatever is out there. So how do you guys/gals know that you're "attached" to your T? What tells you that you're attached to them? Could it just be "transference?" I guess I'm just trying to get an idea of how you guys recognize that you're "attached" to your T.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by yang0868

So what is it?

Most attachment theory centers on the way children form secure bonds with one or more of their caregivers. Later theories extrapolate that pattern to adults and the way in which we interact with peers, etc...

So, if you view your therapist as a caregiver (which some therapist encourage I think) then attachment could be desribed as less anxiety present when the caregiver is absent.

It's almost like knowing that you are okay without them, because they are there, even when they aren't.

[Mike_J]

My heart tells me I'm attached to my therapist.. and I don't view it as a bad thing... Sort of hard to really trust someone you aren't at least a bit attached to ..

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by yang0868

Answer how you would interpret the meaning of "being or feeling attached" to your T. Whether it is romantic, plantonic, or whatever is out there. So how do you guys/gals know that you're "attached" to your T? What tells you that you're attached to them? Could it just be "transference?" I guess I'm just trying to get an idea of how you guys recognize that you're "attached" to your T.

Don't discount transference. It's an important, and very powerful, phenomenon that can be critical to therapeutic success. Not for everyone, of course, but for those of us with relationship issues in the past or present, it's amazing how much you can learn from it.

I knew I was attached to my T when I realized that he was someone who was going to be in my life for a fairly long time and I was happy about that. It came from the beginning of trust and respect for him and his skills. It came from his empathy and how he responds to me.

[roads]

Mike_J:

My heart tells me I'm attached to my therapist.. and I don't view it as a bad thing... Sort of hard to really trust someone you aren't at least a bit attached to ..

So you have the gift of short-speak!
Yes, Mike_J, you put it well. Exactly the way I feel.
We are blessed,
yes?

So ... yang, are you figuring anything out?

Roadie

[WikidPissah]

Attachment is my desire to connect with him on a regular basis.

Transference is my desire to back up because I believe he will use my attachment to take advantage of me.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Attachment is my desire to connect with him on a regular basis.

Transference is my desire to back up because I believe he will use my attachment to take advantage of me.

nice! i like this....only thing i would change for me is, "transference is my defense mechanism to back up because I believe the attachment is going to hurt. Not in a way that T will use it to take advantage of me, but just in....letting myself be attaached to someone who is only in my life for 45min a week is not a good idea....that is going to hurt and cause pain."

[yang0868]

Originally Posted by Roadie

Mike_J:So you have the gift of short-speak!
Yes, Mike_J, you put it well. Exactly the way I feel.
We are blessed,
yes?

So ... yang, are you figuring anything out?

Roadie

Hm......maybe. T makes the "heart" sound/seem like it doesn't have any feelings. she makes it sound like it's our "mind/brain." It has a logical and emotional side to it. We all store those emotions in different parts of our body. So from that I guess some of us store it in our hearts? At least I do but I always say it's my chest that hurts which leads to shortness of breath.

I guess the reason why I'm asking this question is I "feel" attached to T but not my PT or OT and it frustrates me to no end. I can sense the woman's presence and it makes me super anxious. Why is it just T and not my PT or OT? I feel like I need an answer.

[with or without you]

You start wondering what they're doing at the moment, what their life story is, what they like to do for fun...that was my experience, anyway.

[stopdog]

Seriously the only thing that would indicate it to me, if it has happened, is that I keep going back and giving her money to torture myself because the whole thing makes me feel really intensely bad for a few days every week. And for me it has not ever been good. Once or twice it has been sort of neutral, but never all "i feel better, relief, not as whatever" because I went and told the woman stuff.

[ECHOES]

I trust her, I can't wait to see her and wish I could see her more than twice a week, I feel sure that she is someone I can rely on, I can tell her anything (no matter how hard it may be to do that, I know that I can), I can 'be' who I am and she will not turn me away or leave me or punish me.

There's probably more, but that comes to mind right now.

[Hope-Full]

I knew I was attached to my T when I finally started to trust her. I knew that I was really attached when she acknowledged that it was ok for me to miss her when she was out of town. I knew I was ok with being so attached to T when I was able to tell her hard stuff because I knew she wouldn't change - that she'd still be there for me.

It took a long time for me to accept that I was attached to T, that I had come to rely on T as someone who was there for me, who's sole role in my life was to help me. It was a painful journey, but it's a really good feeling knowing T is there for me. I'm not used to having someone to rely on like that.

[rainboots87]

I'm attached. and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I'm a bit more secure in the attachment now, but for awhile I would call her once or twice between our weekly sessions when I'd get upset, looking to her to make me feel better and did some emotional texting. I also got very upset when she had to cancel once and couldn't find a slot to fit me in later in the week. It was a pretty big melt down on my part. I also felt jealous of the new client before me for a bit. All of these situations are really more of a clue about my general attachment style and issues, and it just gets acted out with my T. It's actually been very helpful working through these issues with her. In a more positive way, I also have felt comfortable sharing things with her that I haven't spoken to anyone about ever and even something that I hadn't acknowledged to myself. I've actually been able to open up to her early on because something about her makes me feel safe and comfortable.

Attachment is one of my major issues that I'll continue to work on in therapy because I tend to alternate between being overly attached/needy and pushing people away at any sign of impending rejection.

Also, sometimes the attachment helps me follow her advice more because I trust her and look up to her very much. I really wish she could be my friend and have talked about that in session, with great embarrassment. I completely understand the reasons that isn't possible and that the boundaries are there for both of our benefits, which I think helps me keep some distance myself. I am glad my T has handled my attachment in an excellent manner- she validates and normalizes my feelings, has thanked me for holding her in "such high regard" (or something like that), and even shared her own past experience of attachment to one of her supervisors. She is also careful about how she responds to my emotionality, like when she realized that the twice a week sessions that we began for extra help ended up causing extra emotional "activation" and recommended cutting back down. The way she handles it has actually encouraged me to try to seek other means of calming myself in crisis and even of preventing the emotions from spiraling out of control, which helps me rely on her less and helps my attachment feel more secure.

I am a little nervous though, since I'm moving away soon and I'm not sure how it will feel to end this therapeutic relationship :/

I don't even know if I'm attached to my T!! I asked him once what my attachment style was, because people here were talking about it . He said my attachment style was:

anxious, avoidant, insecure

So apparently I'm having some problems in this area
The responses are really interesting, so I think I'm probably getting attached but fighting it.

[yang0868]

Thanks so much for the replies. It's really helping me. I've gone back and forth with my attachment to my T as well. Sigh..

[pbutton]

I fought the attachment for a long time. Finally decided that I needed to do something different in order to FEEL something different. I decided to cave in and let him deal with the attachment. It felt pretty good, I posted a goofy thread about it.

Now I'm being forced to terminate because he has to drop his entire caseload.

I'm pretty sure the lesson that I am learning from this is not a lesson that therapy tries to teach people.

[purplelephant]

I've got child-like attachment to my T soooo:

I want to contact her regularly (not obsessively, but more than is appropriate)
I want to show her things to make her proud of me (instruments, writing, etc)
I miss her between sessions
I want to just hang out with her (movies, games, whatever)
I don't think her type of therapy is best for me but I'm somewhat clinging to it

Disclaimer: I don't expect any of this or long for it on a rational level. I appreciate boundaries. These are just involuntary attachment things for me.

I have a secure attachment to my T. I am able to feel a closeness to him without fearing losing that therapy relationship we have and without feeling a need to make it more or different than what it really is. I like what it is, accept it for what it is, and don't really want or need it to be anything different. We are close and bonded, have healthy boundaries, a mutual respect for each other, and we really do get along quite well.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Seriously the only thing that would indicate it to me, if it has happened, is that I keep going back and giving her money to torture myself because the whole thing makes me feel really intensely bad for a few days every week. And for me it has not ever been good. Once or twice it has been sort of neutral, but never all "i feel better, relief, not as whatever" because I went and told the woman stuff.

There`s something wrong with that, Stopdog. It wouldn`t be unusual to occasionally walk out of therapy feeling bad.. but there is no legitimate reason for it to always feel bad. You should usually walk out feeling understood.. cared for.. like a lead has been lifted.. like your problems are not as big as they were when you walked in.. you should feel empowered, like you have what it takes to make thing in your life work better.

I really hate to hear that therapy is perpetually miserable for you.. and I think you should think about maybe looking for another one?