So there's a work colleague that has lots of issues and I always find myself feeling unable to be how I want too be in her presence. Today she was doing her normal stuff, moaning about this person and that person and normally I feel unable? Scared? To not get involved, too not have to give her any reaction. Normally I say things like "oh dear" or tutting as if in a agreement with her WHEN I just don't want too agree with her, intact she is a racist bigot, just-like-my-mother. And I hate, hate not being able to stand up too her ignorance

Well this morning she was moaning again and I didn't say or do anything. I waited for her to finish and talked about something completely different when she finished her rant. When I walked away I felt I had honoured my values and didn't feel that normal feeling of having been swamped by her neurosis.

This is who I want too be. This is who I always have been but it was in hiding because of my mothers over powering ignorance and cruelty. Too survive I couldn't stand up for myself, my values I had to partake in my mothers "madness". I felt the same with this colleague and today I realised what lesson I was meant too learn from her.

These are the things I want from working in therapy these effect my daily living, my happiness.

Originally Posted by earthmamma

So there's a work colleague that has lots of issues and I always find myself feeling unable to be how I want too be in her presence. Today she was doing her normal stuff, moaning about this person and that person and normally I feel unable? Scared? To not get involved, too not have to give her any reaction. Normally I say things like "oh dear" or tutting as if in a agreement with her WHEN I just don't want too agree with her, intact she is a racist bigot, just-like-my-mother. And I hate, hate not being able to stand up too her ignorance

Well this morning she was moaning again and I didn't say or do anything. I waited for her to finish and talked about something completely different when she finished her rant. When I walked away I felt I had honoured my values and didn't feel that normal feeling of having been swamped by her neurosis.

This is who I want too be. This is who I always have been but it was in hiding because of my mothers over powering ignorance and cruelty. Too survive I couldn't stand up for myself, my values I had to partake in my mothers "madness". I felt the same with this colleague and today I realised what lesson I was meant too learn from her.

These are the things I want from working in therapy these effect my daily living, my happiness.

Great insight, great post. I completely understand the "I want to stand up for what I believe to be right but I can't in this person's presence" feeling. You give me hope that it is possible to reach that point

[WikidPissah]

I totally get the feeling. H's best friend has a wife, so we go out together as couples quite frequently. Problem is, H's friend's wife is a critical gossip. Because women intimidate me so much, I sit there and shrink back. i want to tell her off, stop her, I don't want to hear these things about others. I never join in, but I never stop it either.

[Perna]

I love when that happens! I was fortunate and had the opposite situation at work; my co-worker would talk on the phone to her mother like I wanted to learn to talk to my stepmother; was a good role model for me. It did not hurt that my husband would listen to my struggles with my senile stepmother and, afterwards, when I was upset and processing it, would tell me how well he thought I had done, etc. Having the "space" in therapy to learn and understand and practice these things with one's therapist is great. I was able to start dating my husband 30 years ago because of therapy and things I was learning there

That is so great, earthmamma! I am so impressed. Good for you.