[struggling2]

the last month or so has been rough with T. for awhile she's known of my fear of getting too attached to her and she had concerns that it would hinder my work with her and then a few weeks ago after months of fighting within myself i more or less embarassingly told her i look at her as a mother figure. well, i didnt out right tell her.....i wrote it in a letter that she read at one of our sessions. it was a big step for me. i have a huge void in my life that my mom left and i have an extreme fear of intimacy and emotional closensess. T evokes that void and that fear. once i realized how close she was getting and how important she was becoming to me....i tried to bail. i put up my guard. i tried to cancel appts. i beat around the bush at sessions. etc etc. yesterday she proved once again how great she is. she said :

"your mom wasnt there for you emotionally. you didnt get what you needed from her. i cant be your mom but i am here and you have me every week and im not going anywhere. like training wheels, im holding you up right now, and eventually you're going to kick me off. we have a healthy relationship from which you can grow from. i understand the fear. but why dont you try and stop fighting it and view it as a gift. that you are lucky to have this and me right now. and im lucky to have this relationship with you. i know how hard it is for you to let people in and you've been able to open up and let me in. im honored and privileged. i can tell when you put up your wall. you dont even have to say anything...i can tell by the way you walk and the look in your eye. everything you're feeling is ok. why dont you stop fighting it, stop standing in the way and just let this naturally progress and let it happen. and when i start to see you put up your wall im going to call you on it and we are going to talk about it. deal?"

then she gave me a hug and i left. i may be one of many clients and our relationship may have its limits but in that time she is mine and i am hers. a small replication of a mother-child relationship. its sessions like that where i leave feeling a little more whole. if i can swallow this fear and tame my defenses...little by little she's going to help piece me back together with pieces i didnt even know were missing. she's going to help me be a happier person and live a happier fuller life. for that, i will be forever grateful. thank you T.

[carly011]

That is so true!! My T can also read me like book, she knows when im hiding something, when im lying, when something is wrong hahahaha. Some how she can tell just by looking at me!! which is good because i just dont try to lie as much anymore

Doesn't it feel great to have someone to count on, someone who you have a healthy relationship with? When i am in my T's office i feel great, and she is helping me bring those feelings outside the office also

Struggling. That sounds like a wonderful session.

[rainbow_rose]

thanks so much for sharing this. I love hearing stuff like this from a therapists point of view. it's so hard to understand and see this from the client's side of things.

[kirbydog156]

Sounds like you have a wonderful T!

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by kirbydog156

Sounds like you have a wonderful T!

i have a fabulous T. very lucky to have found her.