When is it time to leave her?

***LONG and slight trigger for SI***

I'm already starting to tear up just by writing this. I'm almost afraid that creating this thread will convince me that it's time to terminate therapy...

I know this has been discussed before, but I just need answers in regards to my situation.. How do you know - really know - when it's time to leave T?

I first started therapy in April 2009 with, we'll call her T#1. I was already having severe social anxiety at school during the three years before I sought help. I went to her for nearly two years, and it didn't really end like I'd hoped.
T#1 had gotten a new job in addition to the one at the agency where I saw her. This meant that she would only schedule our sessions on weekends. At one point she told me that I was one of two or three clients she had chosen to keep working with. Even so, I feared for our relationship and did not like going on the weekend - it just didn't feel right. After a couple months of this, I had had to cancel a Saturday appointment for some reason. I called early the next week to reschedule but could not reach her. My parents called the agency and talked to the director there, and even he didn't know where she was. Some context here: I had become so very attached to this woman that I didn't know what to do in her absence. I worried that something had happened to her. I wondered if I would even see her again. One night, in early February 2011, I relapsed very badly (SI) and went to the hospital. I was stupid, but I just didn't know what to do at all. Now my dad was really pissed off about the whole thing and was able to track down the phone number at her new job. I talked to her on the phone the following evening, and an appointment was made for that Friday. At this session, she basically told me without really saying so that she needed to leave the agency for her own benefit and thought that I should see someone who could give me more help than she could. Up until now I had had no clue whatsoever that this would be my last session - or that we were even close to ending. I probably don't need to describe my subsequent reaction here

Anyway, after this she gave me a big hug and told me that she "wasn't going to let me see just anybody". I met T#2 in March. I was immediately taken with her. She was the most adorable, tiny Asian woman with the biggest personality you'd ever seen. I knew immediately that we were a good match. In the time that I've known her, so much has been brought to my attention that had never even occurred to T#1. We've done EMDR for the trauma that sparked my social anxiety (I really do believe this helped a lot) and she strongly believes that many of my feelings and behaviors, both currently and in my childhood, can be attributed to mild Aspergers disorder. I have not yet been "officially" diagnosed by a pdoc but plan to do so this fall - simply for my own curiosity, and probably for some validation as well. In the beginning of our therapy, I was a big crier. At first I didn't mind, but now when I do it I feel almost embarrassed. You'd think I'd become more comfortable with it, right? Strange. One thing we've touched on and that she really is pushing me to bring out is my body issues. I am about 50lbs overweight, always have been "on the chubby side" and am severely self-conscious of it. I know we need to get into that, but I'm so uncomfortable talking about my Fat Issues with someone who is so gorgeously thin and attractive.

Really...other than this and a few things related to my possible Aspergers, I don't have that much that bothers me as much as it used to. My anxiety is still present as usual, but nothing I can't handle now. It still freaks me out when I walk down the hall at school, though, and I start sweating and worrying that someone is judging me as I'm walking. This makes me sort of panic, but it used to be a lot worse. Lately we've been talking a lot about college. I plan on going away to college right after high school, to a university about 100 miles from my hometown. I would have to leave her then - I know this, fear it, dread it completely, but there's nothing I can do about it and it's just going to have to be. I'd planned on staying in therapy until I leave next fall (I'm going into my senior year of high school this fall). Lately, though, I've had the slightest nagging feeling that maybe I should leave sooner. I don't know, it just feels that the stuff I have left to work on isn't as "big" as my anxiety issue and therefore doesn't really need to be addressed. I feel like I need a good, big, intimate, "crying" session to convince me otherwise.

I know this post is LONG and most of you have probably stopped reading , but what do you guys think? Does it sound like I should stay in therapy or leave earlier? I don't want to leave, though - that's the thing. It feels like I almost should, but I still have some things left and don't want to go yet. I'm battling what I should do versus what I actually want to do.

Please and thank you.
Indie

((((((Indie))))))

Senior year of high school is a big deal...so many endings, and so many beginnings to look forward to.

I wonder why you feel like you "should" quit therapy? Do you think you're trying to circumvent the pain that will come when the ending that is out of your control (going away to college) comes at the end of the school year? I know that there were times in my therapy when I had an urge to quit to give myself a sense of control.

I've taken therapy breaks before, and they helped me see that I wasn't really ready to be done, and I went back. If you're really undecided, is a break a possibility?

I just finished my therapy, and I honestly just *knew* it was time. I'd always heard people say that you know when it's time, but I couldn't imagine what that would feel like, until it happened.

It sounds like you and your therapist have a great connection - that's a wonderful thing. Have you talked to her about how you're feeling about continuing/not continuing??
to you!

Thank you so much nightsky...I honestly hadn't considered the fact that I might just be trying to take control of a situation I'm trying so hard to ignore. The thing that scares me about taking a break is that I might not get around to going back. I go to therapy biweekly - a sort of mini-break in itself! Even during these weeks in between sessions, I still feel connected to her because I know that I have an appointment set up to look forward to...I'm still technically "seeing" her, and that comforts me. If I were to take a break, would I lose that sense of being connected? It seems like I would feel distanced from her and that she would eventually give up and move on if the break lasted that long. Maybe that loss of connection - that not having an appointment to look forward to - is the whole point of the break?

Hi Indie'sOK

I am in a place of ambivalence at the moment - should I stop or not - I finally got the courage to bring it up with T and we are working through it. How would it be for you to bring it up with your T?

I definitely plan on bringing it up with her. I'm going to write down a lot of what I wrote in the original post and read it to her.

I think senior year can be hard with its many events and social occasions, plus the good-byes. But also there are accomplishments and achievements. Lots going on! It might be helpful to keep your T on board for all of this. My daughter, who is graduating today, kept seeing her T this year, and I am glad. The frequency varied, due to the busy senior schedule, but her T has been a constant presence who is there if needed, and it worked out well. (They will say good-bye this summer.) When my daughter wondered whether she should keep seeing her T, her T had a definite opinion on that (yes!), so this might be a good topic to bring up in therapy.