[Sunne]

Has anyone had a therapist say this to them? I'm wondering if it's a good thing for them to say. No one can keep that promise, can they? you don't know what the future holds.

My new T just said this during our last session. He said we have a lot of work to do and that he won't leave me. More or less committed to me.

I don't know how to take it. I've been left by Dr's in the past. He's a wonderful T so far, I just get scared when people make these types of promises.

we would really like to see what others have to say before we comment.♥

I am wary of anyone who says anything like that because of what you said about the future. No one can really know what the future holds.

Mine said he was not giving up on me just because I need to hear things repeatedly. He said he was committed to helping me and would not refer to me to someone else, barring any unforeseen circumstances.

[critterlady]

I once asked T if he was going to stick with me through this. His answer was "I'm in." He has since said, repeatedly, that he has no plans to go anywhere and won't ever terminate me against my wishes. He's also promised that I cannot push him away, no matter what I do (short of physically harming him).

I like how he put that, because, as you say, he really can't promise that he always be there. Too many things could happen that he can't control. All he can promise is to behave a certain way.

Oh, mine also said he MIGHT make me leave a session, if my behavior was really inappropriate - like I threw stuff at him [pbutton] - but I could come back for my next session.

we will say this-our ex-counselor of 7+ years promised,swore repeatedly over and over never to reject abandon or leave. she did. we hope that you never experience this. but we wont ever trust anyone again who says that to us.

[Perna]

I have no problem with someone else saying they won't leave me; that's their problem. I might push them away, I might feel they have left me; I just take it to mean the other person is interested in working with me as long as I'm interested in working with them.

[BonnieJean]

My t did once and I called her on it. No one can promise something like that. She saw my point. I guess i liked the sentiment behind it even if life has taught me otherwise.

[carly011]

Im a bit wary at first. But i gives me a sense of safety. To know that someone isnt going to just turn their backs on me.

But i also know, that in situations like if i move, or she moves that cant be helped, i think she means as long as she can help it.

[shoez]

my T said that but I keep waiting for her to lock her door on me one day.

[eskielover]

When I first started in therapy, my depression was so bad & I was totally suicidal......I had one psychologist in the area that my insurance made me go to. I finally got a pdoc in the area & then he thought it would be good for me to go to this other psychologist who did some sensing stuff with the computer. Can't even remember what it really was that he was doing, but he was holding down 2 places where he was doing his psychology practice. His big thing he kept saying for the few times I went to him was that he would see me through until I got better & he wouldn't leave me......within a month, he was no longer having his practice in my location & the drive was far to get to where his other practice was & he never answered his phone.....just was never available to make an appointment with. I had been in & out of the hospital so much at that time, I have no idea where it fell in the whole scheme of my therapy treatment......but what did stick with me was that I hated when people made false promises when they know in the back of their mind that they have something else going on even if it may or may not work out....you don't go around making promises when other possibilities you know about are there that will take you away.

Those words, "I'll never leave you" are words I just let blow away anytime I hear them now.....I know it's not true & things happen.....no guarantees in life.

[pbutton]

Mine has never said this. Which is a good thing, considering we're now moving towards termination that has been decided by a third party.

I would be so wary of that kind of blanket promise. Things happen. It is a promise that cannot be guaranteed. I would hope T's would at least add the caveat about unforeseen circumstances or something to that effect. Better yet, I much rather they tell me how they can be there for me right now in the present and how they plan to work with me/support me as we work together. That's realistic and is really more action based it seems.

[crazylife]

My T told me he would not leave me or refer me until we made enough progress for me to survive day to day easier but then he told me he was referring me to someone else before we started making any progress and then he changed his mind! Not fair he sent me through hell and then made it ok again.

[possum220]

It may never be their intent but life can get in the way.

My T has said "I'm not going anywhere" and then she'll sometimes qualify this with "that I know of" or kind of jokingly say that she could have a heart attack or something tomorrow, but then reassure me that she is in good health. I've needed this after people have left me and she knows that. It comforts me and I don't see anything wrong with it because she does say that something could happen to her that would be out of her control. I know that she is firmly rooted where we live - has lived there all her life, her husband is retired and he too has family there, and she is in her late 50s so not planning some sort of job change.

Maybe your T is trying to show you that you can have the experience of not being left to counter previous relationships that you've had in the past. And I can totally understand how this statement could make you uncomfortable (and maybe too that he said it early on in your work), but maybe you can see it as a gift that he keeps giving you? Also, it can be interpreted as saying "I believe in you," "I want to help you," etc.

[Dreamy01]

I think it's dangerous for anyone to make promises like that. Former T told me it was always, always within my control when we finished our work together. Then her circumstances unexpectedly changed and she was forced to leave the agency.

Ts certainly mean well by making such a promise but no one knows what's around the corner and promises that get broken cause long term damage. I would prefer it if my current T said something like 'My intention is to see you for as long as you need me but neither of us can be certain what the future holds.' It hurts to not have that security but life itself isn't secure and I don't feel it's fair to pretend otherwise to a client. If I was a t I'd probably prefer to work with a client on their feelings about not being able to fully promise anything while making clear my intention is to commit to them. But that's just me based on past experiences.

[Sunne]

I guess my automatic reaction was to be reminded of a Dr who made this promise to me and more, then completely left me when things got rough on my end (and his I'm assuming).

I can understand there are things that can get in the way... Death, moving, illness, ect. I'm just worried about showing myself to him then him being overwhelmed and breaking his promise. He is a trauma specialist though, and he has told me I'm interesting. So I need to take it how he meant it which was out of kindness.

A few sessions in and already transference. Yay? 0_o

[granite1]

i always ask my T if she is going to be there for our next session as i leave and she will say that she has no plans on going anyplace and that she will be here. i think saying she has no plans on going anyplace kind of covers her but and at the same time tells me as far as she knows she will be here but who knows

[SpiritRunner]

My first T said, I won't leave you (she did mention things that might be beyond her control, such as death, though!); I won't terminate you (but then she also did mention things, such as ethical concerns, or me being non-compliant over an extended period of time that would be circumstances under which she would); I won't abandon you. So technically she did qualify some of those statements - but not on every occasion.
She did terminate me, using ethical grounds as the reason (I became unrelentingly suicidal and she felt like she was no longer helping, and was actually hurting me more). I did feel abandoned, and still think the way in which she actually handled the situation was akin to abandonment (because it was abrupt and happened while I was in the hospital over the phone), and yet I see clearly at this point that she really made no unqualified promises and also did the right thing considering the whole situation. I felt for a long time she should have or could have stuck with me .... but what if the change was necessary to help me truly get better?
And I think it was.
If I were ever to be a T, I wouldn't say, I won't leave you. But I would say, I am committed to working with you, committed to helping you, as long as it's needed/possible/helpful to you ....

T said no one can ever keep that promise definately because of Ill health or death. She has said that whilst she feels able to do the job she will. She has no plans to retire yet.

[lostmyway21]

My T has promised to be there and never abandon me. He's went as far as promising to continue to treat me if my insurance didn't cover our biweekly sessions. I know he's commuted to my treatment and our relationship. I know he will keep his promise. BUT I know if some crazy extreme circumstances came up, life does happen and something's cannot be prevented. Even then I know he would do his very best to keep his promise not to abandon me.

My 1st T said it alot and dumped me anyway.

New T says it and goes out of her way to show me she means it.

[SeaSalt]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

My T has promised to be there and never abandon me. He's went as far as promising to continue to treat me if my insurance didn't cover our biweekly sessions. I know he's commuted to my treatment and our relationship. I know he will keep his promise. BUT I know if some crazy extreme circumstances came up, life does happen and something's cannot be prevented. Even then I know he would do his very best to keep his promise not to abandon me.

This must have been very comforting to hear, even if you never do it.

I have to admit, in the few sessions I've had with T money has been mentioned a few times. I asked about a sliding-fee scale for weekly sessions. She said they didnt do they, she had bills to pay. OK, I get it. We all have bills to pay. I dunno, maybe I just took it too harshly. Later on when she mentioned I could begin coming weekly if I wanted she said, "if you can afford it." Again, it hit me kinda hard. I absolutely would never ask for anything free from her or anyone. Never. I got the feeling she thought I could be one of those clients who whined about money constantly and expected some free sessions. I think my whole problem with her is, I expected more warmth than I got and I cant seem to recover.