obligations as your therapist

I rang her this earlier to leave a voice message saying that I sent her text yesterday and that I would like to cancel our last session as this is too hard for me right now! I never heard anything back again, it just seems pointless, I don't want to see her again! Depression is very hard and I don't need this too! You. Could at least acknowledge a call

I am sorry to hear you suffer from depression too rose! It's a horrible thing to have to feck with it makes everything so black and white and sad, I hope you have support and are not alone

As of today no reply from my voicemail! The go on about being emotionally unavailable and distant but sometimes it's as if they do it to us as punishment! If someone left you a voicemail in distress and cancelling their appointment I would certainly like to check in with them!

((((Button)))) I am sorry this is happening. It is a difficult situation, esp when we are in need / depressed and the one person we think we should be able to count on is mia.

I had it happen recently when I was between Ts...my T1 found me a T2 but T2 couldnt be bothered to return a simple phone call firming up our time / day. I waited but the call didnt come. I called T1 and explained what happened with T2 and T1 called her as well, to no avail. I felt really bad and slipping. I tried to remind myself that it was about T2s issues and had nothing to do with me...

I was able to find another T2 with the help of T1 and the practice's supervisor. Do you have the option of contacting whomever supervises your T , explain the situation and ask for assistance. If not, than can you reach deep down into your energy reserves and press on. Being proactive in caring for yourself and not let this situation slip through the cracks (leaving you feeling hung out to dry and fending on your own , and feeling alone) may bring some comfort and motivation! And a sense of empowerment!

Have you asked your T1 to please provide some referrals? If she continues to not respond to you, then you should definitely ask to speak with her Sup. If there isnt one at her practice for instance, you have a couple of options / resources...

contact the board / community that regulates and manages her and tell them what is happening.
Go to psych today online to the referrals section of site to see if you can drill down on the list to see if there are a few Ts that you feel could be a good fit and send them emails.

You may not get a response today or maybe this week because of the holiday but you can feel good about the fact that you are working hard to be your best advocate! That takes a lot of courage and says a lot about you and your desire to not only continue T but that you are really making the effort!

Please try not to let T1s actions affect how you are feeling about yourself. You are depressed but you are also lovely strong and capable. Sometimes we have to really stick up for ourselves and be our own best friend and advocate in the face of adversity.
Hugs to you. You may feel it right now but you are definitely not alone
Rose

T not responding to your cancelling a session is not a reportable offense. you can cancel a session. but if you WANT to talk to your T, you show up for your session.

Button - I am sorry you are having a rough time right now.

My t has discussed the possibility of both SAD and dysthymia for me. I go to work everyday and I get through life, but some days are very, very difficult - especially in winter. There are varying degrees of depression. If you see your t again, could you ask her discuss what type of depression she now thinks you might have and ask her specifically for coping skills? I know that I am horrible in asking t for what I need (such as coping skills) but sometimes I need to do that. My t can't read my mind and figure out what I need. Sometimes I need to be very upfront and advocate for what I need.

But that said, if you feel she is not helping you, maybe it is time to look for a different t.

I wouldn't report her for not responding! It's her prerogative but she is offering a service to her clients who are especially vulnerable! That said they have their own lives and issues I get that! But a simple acknowledge is all I ask! Before I have showed up to appointments for her to send me away because she has forgot about our session! I had to come back in twenty minutes and for her not to even acknowledge my depression! Which has gotten a hell of a lot worse.
As for coping skills she told me to by a book on coping with depression and did some angel card readings ! She advised me to go to the doctor and try anti depressants but I tried them and they made me worse! She is in total denial about my depression. I don't know if I can talk to her anymore. I cancelled our last session yesterday after a year and a half of working with her and she didn't even respond! So it's over between us

Sconnie,, I hear you about how hard it is in winter it's truly awful! I am sorry to hear you have such a hard time de it((hugs))
I also have fibromyalgia which can cause depression and t even told me I should ask for a second opinion from my doctor because according to her( she didn't even know what it was when I first visited her) I don't have that either.

Oooo sorry to learn about the fybromyalgia

I apologize if my idea to report (my perceived, purposeful acts of negligance on Ts behalf) was not acceptable. Or came off as disproportionate to the matter. Or worse offensive. Totally not my intention.

It was my experience however when a T that I was seeing was being neglectful and disrespectful (on a personal note** I thought she was lovely, but I wasnt there to make friends with her), I did talk to her Sup and I received support.

Nobody made me feel bad or ashamed at all for speaking up. I was assigned a new T without any drama).

Just trying to be supportive and now I feel a little silly. I will work on that.

Button wishing you all the best! Hope things work themselves out quickly and you feel better!

no, i'm sorry. the idea of going to supervisor scared me, cos I got in more trouble for it. i'm glad it worked for you, rose p.

What happened Hankster? Rose panache, thank you for the advice about speaking to the supervisor. You are absolutely right in that if there is negligence you are entitled to report it and well with in your rights! It's just that I would not do at this time but I admire anyone who does stick up for themselves:-):-) it's shows Gwyneth das you have come in your therapy that you have the confidence to do that:-)

((((Hank)))) i am sorry
((((Button))))

Rose(((hugs))) you don't have to apologise for doing nothing wrong only caring:-):-)
So update, I got a text from t yesterday simply saying hi, I got your voicemail and cancelled your appointment take care! After one and a half years of seeing her, no referrals, nothing! I think she is unable to deal with my depression and it scares her, no t wants to have a suicidal patient! The last time we talked about it and she said right I think you are ready for your closing appointment next time, I was like what???? She said before she was deeply affected by suicide and I think she gets triggered!

Actually, that's not true at all. Sure, they would rather we weren't feeling suicidal, but that's not the same as them not wanting to work with a suicidal patient. My depression and suicidality and repeated hospitalizations have never really phased my T. He hates to see me feeling so badly and genuinely worries for me at times, but he's really been a rock about working with me during the worst of times.

It does sound like this T just isn't terribly competent. Time to find someone who is; there really are many good ones out there.

Remember to have contact protocols clarified early on so you know what to do and what to expect. There are certainly reasonable expectations and boundaries surrounding these things and they vary and are actually fairly wide ranging, but if you clarify them early on that should help things go more smoothly next time around.

Thanks farm girl you are absolutely right! Things. Should be clarified early on! And actually I would never have ever text her only she text me twice after our first few sessions! I hope you are ok now and over the worst??? ((hugs))

Does she understand that it was your FINAL session?
BTW I agree with Rosa, this kind of behavior should be reported (though I totally understand you not wanting to do that) Forgetting your appointment date- it can happen but not on regular basis, same goes for not replying but the way she ended your therapy? Is she for real? That's not OK, not ever.

It's okay to contact her again and ask for referrals to other T's, if that's what you want. I think that the general T principle is to not give you referrals unless you ask for them, because it's your decision, not hers, whether you want to pursue additional therapy.

Anilam, she knows its our final session as it was her idea to end it, as soon as things started getting bad and I started feeling suicidal again she said that it was time to have our final session and that I think I knew that....I was like WFT, I am telling you I am suicidal here... she never wnated to admit that I wasn't okay, I kept telling her that I wasn't okay, nothing was okay and she would just smile and say you will get through this...its okay.
I really don't think she thinks she has done anything wrong here... she knows I have huge abandonment issues, so for to just leave when things are really bad is unacceptable