[kiki86]

background: my therapist is moving on to a new placement in 3 sessions time and i am going to miss him a lot! it's not his choice but i won't see him regardless so it's still very painful. i will be getting a new T provided by the same service i'm with now.

ok so i'm wondering if any of you have had to leave a T or had a T leave you before the therapy was complete? Or even just finished therapy. Any advice for having a last session that will leave me with good feelings? I know i will miss him but i suppose i wonder if there are any tips for terminating with a T so that i don't have any regrets?

thanks

I just ended therapy a few weeks ago, definitely before my T or I expected it to end.

I asked him for help in ending it. I told him that I wanted to be able to hold onto all of the "good" in our years of work together.

I think in the end, we both made sure we said what we wanted/needed to say, about how we felt about each other, our relationship, and the work. We reminisced a little about how things were when I started. I told him what I learned from him and he told me what he learned from me.

How long have you been with T?? We were together a long time, so we had a pretty intense/intimate last session. If it weren't such a long-term relationship, I think I would have made sure to thank him and to tell him what I learned that I was leaving with.

Ending therapy is hard!!!

[kiki86]

thanks for your reply. Well he said we would work through it. i don't know what i want exactly i suppose. i just want to be as happy as i can be with how things end. i've had a few T's that i've liked before but no one i've connected with the way i do with this T. I'm very attached to him.

[kiki86]

Ps. I got this cartoon in poster form for my T for when I leave. We've talked a lot about how it's difficult for me to hang on to how i feel for people once they're out of my life. It's like they cease to exist once i don't see them anymore. i really don't want to feel that way about T and this poster is kind of how i'd like to feel. that he's still out there even when i don't get to see him.

[adel34]

Hi Kiky,
This is so hard! I'm going through this with my voice movement therapist. I think I've posted about this before, but our relationship means so much to me. We worked together for a little over a year and a half, and only stoppedbecause of my move.
I've had such strong feelings of anger and sadness about having to leave her. And she's been amazing about being able to consistently contain and help me process what I'm feeling, and I'm so grateful to her for that. It makes me wish I could just accept that it's over and still not feel so terrible about it. She says it's ok that I have these feelings and not to pretend otherwise, which is hard for me.
What's worked for me because of how good she is at handling this stuff is to be as honest as possible with her. Just say everything that's on my mind about her, and our work together and our relationship. We're having phone sessions as a transition, (I only have two more left, ah!) and I find myself using them mostly to just say every little thing I can think of so there's nothing left unsaid. Not that I won't be able to e-mail her again, or call quickly which she said I can. And I know I'll probably come for a session or two if I visit MA sometime.
Our last session was great. We did some singing/ voicework, I cried some and we talked some and had fruit and candy. Just use the session to really make sure you say what's on your mind about it all.
Having to change therapists at the end of someone's training year is what scares me about possibly working with an intern, by the way.
Hope that helps!

[geez]

kiki I had to say goodbye to T1 and I was very attached to her. I loved/love her. I looked up to her like I would a cherished grandmother or a mom that anyone would love to have. She was my T for 3 1/2 years and I saw her just about every week for those three years. I moved on from her because I needed a T that could bring things to the next level and I needed some one who specialized in trauma. At my second to last session I brought a letter I wrote to her and read it out loud to her. I told her the things I wanted to say to her but never did (I liked her office decorations etc..). I also told her how much she meant to me (something she knew already because I told her the L word before). I told her what I learned and what I would reflect on when I'm no longer seeing her (ironically we live in a small town and I see her around town a lot but never speak). I feel like she liked me and respected me as much as I did her and the last session was hard. I 'lost it' during the last few minutes of the session and she read me a quote from a book and gave me a goodbye hug at the end (the hug I always wanted). My T1 will always have a special place in my heart. She even helped me in my quest to find a new T and now I'm with T2 who is amazingly gifted, smart and experienced.

Many hugs and as one door closes another door opens. Give yourself some time to grieve. For me it was a true loss.

[kiki86]

Thanks guys. it is really painful. i hate it. i think i will write a letter, even if i don't read it or give it to him i can keep it on hand to remind myself of things i want to say.

it feels like a death.

[pbutton]

Kiki I am terminating right now too. It DOES feel like a death. Right now I am struggling with how BIG this feels to me and how I know it is not having the same effect on him. It sucks.

[kiki86]

pbutton: I know, you want to be as important to them as they are to you. but it's not like that. it's like unrequited love. if you ever want to chat about it you can pm me!

[critterlady]

My T1 moved to another state. He told me he was leaving about 2 weeks after I'd disclosed something really big and old, which I had really hesitated to share. We had a couple of months after he told me to wind things up, but it still felt just awful. I cried every time we talked about him leaving.

Before he left, he made sure I had a good list of referrals and he wanted me to get established with someone before our last session. I did, but decided after he left that she wasn't right for me and moved on to another referral of his.

Our last session was actually pretty wonderful. We reviewed the progress I'd made and the things I'd taken to heart. We talked about how we felt about each other and how the termination felt (we both agreed it sucked and he jokingly suggested I move to his new state). We thanked each other for all we appreciated about the other.

Then we hugged for a really long time and it was over. I cried all the way home and off and on for weeks.

[kiki86]

that sounds really sweet critterlady. i can only hope my final session is as nice as yours. i just wish i didn't have to fixate on this for the next 3 weeks! i've already been obsessing about it for the last month.