[sittingatwatersedge]

someone else posted about how the T would trigger them a bit, and then ask them questions. To hold on tight enough to be able to answer is such HARD going, and it really rang a bell with me.

somewhere 2-3 months into working with this new T she told me how she saw me - a very high opinion - and I burst into tears and shouted that she had no idea who she was talking to.

maybe not the response she had anticipated, but informative, no doubt.

yesterday she started telling me something that I would consider a huge compliment. Tears came and I growled, "don't start with me."

Now there's a useful comment to hand your therapist. It's practically like, don't work with me. How can she get anything done in the face of an attitude like that?

[karebear1]

Maybe she's doing exposure therapy with you and you'll soften and begin to believe as time goes by and she says more??

I know how you feel on this one sawe. I can't stand hearing my T compliment me in any way. BUT, I think T sees beyond the growling and tears and knows who, what you really are, so, try to take it in- ok???

[unaluna]

Your reactions sound like what I just read in the Inner Child Work chapter of the book The Emotionally Absent Mother. "Just as a child who has been hurt or abandoned too many times by mother will not open his arms to her, the inner child may react similarly." This chapter struck me because it stated, how can I nurture others when I feel so empty, when I don't have enough for myself? So it sounds like you are really in touch with your feelings and able to express them to your T - well done, sawe!

[athena.agathon]

I think that people who can't accept compliments because they don't believe them are pretty common in therapy. And I don't think your reaction is not useful...she's seeing what you really think about yourself and how it's hard for you to take in positive information about yourself.

And I second what Hankster said about you being able to tell your therapist what you're feeling...good job! I react the same way but instead of saying "back off, you liar!", I look at the floor and feel uncomfortable when t says nice things about me...

[stopdog]

I tell mine to stop or back off. SSometimes if she does not listen, I attack back. Some of us just need to go slow. It is okay as far as I can tell.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Now there's a useful comment to hand your therapist. It's practically like, don't work with me. How can she get anything done in the face of an attitude like that?

oh (((((((sawe))))))))

Of course it's a useful comment. And to me, it says "PLEASE work with me". When it's so so so painful to hear good things about ourselves, there are deep wounds that need healed. Your T needs to know that.

You are allowed to react however you want to/need to in session. You are doing fine.
to you. I miss you

[kiki86]

i think when my t compliments me i really want to say "you're wrong, i'm terrible" i don't though cos i know he'd have a field day with that. i also secretly love it but i don't let him know that either.

[mcl6136]

I am paranoid enough to think that when my T recently said "you're authentic," she was testing me because I lie (mostly omission) a LOT in therapy.

I always think I'm being tested.

Sigh.....But I agree with Kiki....I don't do it....she would have a field day.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I don't secretly love it; I wish it were true but everything in me rises up to say no.

About the idea that it's a kind of exposure therapy, and maybe will sink in after a while - karebear - she has told me that in time I will believe it. from here it looks unlikely. but hey, if she is OK with hanging in there, I will too.

[karebear1]

I do think that the more we hear things (negative or positive) the more we can attach them and believe them. I am not as sensitive to compliments as I was when I started, I can hear something I might think about myself to be true and not cover my ears and sing la-la-la, but I still squirm when I do hear those things I think could be good about me come from someone else's mouth.

It takes time- like everything else.

[Wren_]

to me your response seems much more real than if you'd pretended to accept the compliment while inwardly seething ...... you've been honest in your reactions; shown your T how you respond to praise and have given you both things to work with .... i think any T should be really pleased with you for that actually even though it feels horrible for you

[unaluna]

my T thought it was awesome. I told him about my trying to be kind to myself yesterday, as the book advises, and what I said, and he was like, "I've never heard you talk in that tone of voice before, it's so sweet!" yeah. wow. it's because no one ever talked to me that way, or let me talk to them. the sweet innocent endearing child. it's painful.

[WikidPissah]

Hate hate hate T compliments. Hate them.

[autumnleaves]

This reminds of a Jewel (the singer) lyric:
"I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see"

I've thought about this many, many, many times throughout my life.

[unaluna]

wow. jewel. really? pretty cool. spoken as an old person who knows none of her music.

[KazzaX]

From what I've seen (which isn't much in this arena, lol) they sort of look behind the words, not at the words. Like for example when you said "don't start with me" and got all teary in response to her compliments, the first thing they think is "ohh she is triggered". And then they ask questions to find out information about this emotional trigger. Eg say if they told you they thought you were authentic and you triggered, they would ask questions along the lines of "why don't you believe you are authentic?" and they press you on the details until in the end you come out with some deep seated fear that has caused you to react this way. This is what she does in my sessions anyways, from what i can tell!

Like one time I was triggered and we were talking and I told her (fury POURING out of me, lol) that feelings are like Cancer - they are unneccessary, unacceptable and need to be chopped off as soon as they are noticed if you want to live life for a long duration. If you listened to the words you would think "This person has a bad attitude towards feelings and thus therapy and will not benefit from seeing me". But instead she looked behind the words and asked me things such as "what similarities do feelings and cancer have?" and sort of homed in on the details, so she could get an idea of my fears (I think).

[Thornsandroses]

When my T tries to comliment me, I hold my hands over my ears, and say quit saying that, it's not true. (that's the teenager in me when I am in therapy.)

But she lets me record our sessions, so she continues to compliment me, knowing when I am at home listening to the session, I will hear the compliment. (I wear head phones at home, so no one can hear the recording,) It is kinda hard to rip the headphones off my head when I hear the compliment) She loves that I will hear the compliment again, sometimes more then once, if I listen to the session a number of times. This is what she looks like every time I tell her it's not fair that I have to hear her compiment me over and over......

[tstrong23]

Originally Posted by karebear1

Maybe she's doing exposure therapy with you and you'll soften and begin to believe as time goes by and she says more??

I know how you feel on this one sawe. I can't stand hearing my T compliment me in any way. BUT, I think T sees beyond the growling and tears and knows who, what you really are, so, try to take it in- ok???

This is a very interesting comment!

[learning1]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I am paranoid enough to think that when my T recently said "you're authentic," she was testing me because I lie (mostly omission) a LOT in therapy.

I always think I'm being tested.

Sigh.....But I agree with Kiki....I don't do it....she would have a field day.

I think you're authentic too. Not perfect (I believe you about the omissions), just more authentic than average. And I hope there's no reason to suspect me of doing any testing.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

someone else posted about how the T would trigger them a bit, and then ask them questions. To hold on tight enough to be able to answer is such HARD going, and it really rang a bell with me.

somewhere 2-3 months into working with this new T she told me how she saw me - a very high opinion - and I burst into tears and shouted that she had no idea who she was talking to.

maybe not the response she had anticipated, but informative, no doubt.

yesterday she started telling me something that I would consider a huge compliment. Tears came and I growled, "don't start with me."

Now there's a useful comment to hand your therapist. It's practically like, don't work with me. How can she get anything done in the face of an attitude like that?

My therapist has made several comments along the way characterizing me in positive ways, and it's always been hard for me to hear, too.

[sittingatwatersedge]

OK so here's how it went.

T2: I notice that you have moved your chair back today, not forward.
SAWE: Yes, and I could move it even farther back, against the wall, or all the way back into that corner.

Folks,....... I know many of you think yr T is the best.
I know today that mine is; at any rate, she is the best one for me.

Giving thanks !!
SAWE