[Dani]

I've been with my T for over 4 years and although things have been rocky at times and I've wanted to quit, I'm glad I stayed because I feel like I have made some great improvements in therapy. But there is one thing that has bothered me a lot with my T that I have been too afraid to speak up about because I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Sometimes I feel like she doesn't listen to what I'm saying because many times I'll bring up something, and her response is usually something like "yeah I knew someone that did that" or "that happened to my husband, son, co-worker, etc", and she continues to tell me the story about the other person's experience. It feels like she's not really listening to me but waiting for a moment to talk about someone she heard about, knew, or whatever. I can see how it might be occasionally helpful to let me know that others have had the same experiences or felt the same way so I don't feel so alone, but this is getting to be too much. I'm tired of hearing stories about other people because I want the focus in therapy to be about me and my life. Sometimes I want to jump up and yell at her that this is my time and is not about her!

I don't know what do about this because I'm scared that if I bring it up it might hurt her feelings or make her not want to work with me anymore. But I feel like if I don't say anything, it's going to continue and she's going to believe that responding like that is helping, when it's not at all. Any suggestions on how to approach this?

[Sunne]

It seems like T is meeting some of her own needs through you. That is unhealthy. Therapy should be focused on you! You should be heard and not have a T that try's to 'one up' your stories. That's just plain wrong!

I hope you get some good advice. I would say bring it up with your T and tell her how you feel. If she is a decent T then you both should be able to work this out. She might not realize she is doing it so much.

[gelfling]

Dani - the therapy IS about you......

I guess I would start with I statements -- I feel "feeling" - ignored, worthless, disgruntled, absent, disconnected, etc when you do "action" - start off on tangents about other people and their stories. I need you to focus on my experiences and how it will help me understand myself better and (whatever else you need)

The I statement is very empowering. Your therapist will see it for what it is, a communication tool. A very assertive and non confrontational communication tool. You could also print off your post and read it to her or give it to her to read saying something like "I'd like to talk to you about this but I'm too afraid" and then together you can deal with your issues and your fear of discussing it with her.....

Let us know how it goes for you

[Dani]

Originally Posted by Sunne

It seems like T is meeting some of her own needs through you. That is unhealthy. Therapy should be focused on you! You should be heard and not have a T that try's to 'one up' your stories. That's just plain wrong!

I hope you get some good advice. I would say bring it up with your T and tell her how you feel. If she is a decent T then you both should be able to work this out. She might not realize she is doing it so much.

Thanks for your reply. I think she may not realize she's doing it so much either. I'm hoping I can work up the courage to talk to her about it next week so we can work it out.

Originally Posted by gelfling

Dani - the therapy IS about you......

I guess I would start with I statements -- I feel "feeling" - ignored, worthless, disgruntled, absent, disconnected, etc when you do "action" - start off on tangents about other people and their stories. I need you to focus on my experiences and how it will help me understand myself better and (whatever else you need)

The I statement is very empowering. Your therapist will see it for what it is, a communication tool. A very assertive and non confrontational communication tool. You could also print off your post and read it to her or give it to her to read saying something like "I'd like to talk to you about this but I'm too afraid" and then together you can deal with your issues and your fear of discussing it with her.....

Let us know how it goes for you

Thanks for the suggestions!

[autotelica]

My therapist does this too. The worse is when she recycles the same anecdotes, starting off with "Did I ever tell you the story about about my daughter's next-door neighbor's best friend?"

When it happens, I tell myself that I need to practice listening and being aware of another person's feelings.

It's what I do in real life too, though. So maybe I don't need to practice anymore.

[Dani]

Originally Posted by autotelica

My therapist does this too. The worse is when she recycles the same anecdotes, starting off with "Did I ever tell you the story about about my daughter's next-door neighbor's best friend?"

When it happens, I tell myself that I need to practice listening and being aware of another person's feelings.

It's what I do in real life too, though. So maybe I don't need to practice anymore.

I know, that is the worst! There's so many things I've heard over and over! Sometimes I feel like talking to my T is like talking to my mom. My mom does the same thing.