A Loss for words and mourning....

Perhaps just realize that therapy being what it is, sometimes a therapist has to take a bit a extra time with a client. Perhaps that client was not calm and need a few minutes. Perhaps that client is in crisis. Perhaps . . . lots of scenarios really. It happens sometimes and we may not like it, but if the tables were turned and it was us that the T took a few minutes extra time with, we'd be appreciative for that.

I kind of find it an averaging act sometimes. Yes, my T might start my session late, but generally he is able to make up for the time at the end of the session. If not, then I remember other times he has, all those times he's given me free time on the phone at nights or on weekends. I try not to let one small thing overpower all the positives. On average, I've still been getting way more than my money's worth.

Thank you Chris for your positive outlook and spin on things. Generally I am pretty easy going and somewhat of a 'push over' and yet this has really 'got me going'. As Sannah said I'm sure there more to this than meets the eye or as my T1 and T2 would say it's never really about the surface issue. There is always something underneath it.

Geez, hopefully you will see the connections between this and the favorites that were played in your family.

I'm thinking again about why you didn't want to talk during your session. Were you upset with your T?

You must be looking at that client if you are noticing that she is looking at you? Maybe she is saying "why is that client always looking at me?"

I'm not going to 'go there' right now.

I was upset with T but didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to show/tell her I was angry with her to then have her reject me. In addition I was hurt by the 'time'. My appointment was for 10 am and my session didn't start until 10:10. I felt like my feelings didn't matter/I didn't matter and because of that 'truth' that I hold onto about myself (and felt like she would think the same about me) it would have been pointless to tell her I was angry/upset with her.

It would just be an experience that would end in me being humiliated.

I feel like whatever I say about this to her is going to 'count against me'. - have no idea why but the feeling is there.

I 'looked' at her once many weeks ago. Now I keep my head down looking at my smart phone or pre writing out a check to T for my copay. I can 'see her' looking at me in my peripheral vision and it definitely is a purposeful 'look' - not a glance.

Thank you all so much for reading and responding to my emotional puke. It will make things a little bit easier for when I have to talk about this at my next session.

maybe the other client has a crush on you! maybe he/she likes your hair or your outfits or thinks you look like someone she knows.

i think maybe because you're fixated on her being your T's favourite you're imagining she's fixated on you for some negative reason but it might be a nice reason?

Thank you ((kiki)) I do try to dress nice for T I do get what you are saying and I'm going to try to hold onto that thought if she looks at me again.

Well, Ts don't become Ts because all they want to do is meet sunny cheerful people without a care in the world. They are prepared for the broken, and they want to see it, even when it's a pain in the sit-upon. (Incidentally, one of my favourite linguists has blogged about words for "bottom" from various times - http://david-crystal.blogspot.se/2011/06/on-bottom.html )

In fact, I bet that a pain-in-the-catastrophe client is often someone who the T feels stronger for, and feels better about being able to help.

(((Apteryx))) thank you so much. It makes me feel a little bit more OK with these uncomfortable feelings. I can start to actually envision myself being able to talk to T about this at my next appointment

When you are ready this area will bring a lot of healing if you can work through it.

This sounds like this has happened to you in the past. Really good stuff to talk with T about.

I do hope that you will talk to T about this.

People in your past might have done this but T's don't do this and you need to give her a chance so that she can show you that she won't behave like this.

my brother was the favorite between me and him, to where my mother just plain didn't talk to me, didn't look at me, didn't even call me by my NAME. all this waiting room drama was AGONY for me for literally DECADES until the morning my T double-booked me with a new couple - and sent THEM away!!! it changed everything. I mean, for the past few years that I was still seeing my family, I didn't even get my birthday choice of dinner cos my SIL didn't like it and I didn't want to overwork my poor old mother. So mom would make SIL's choice on my birthday. so don't talk to ME about favorites! (just kidding - but really, what a b!tch!) anyway, there is hope, and I encourage you to talk to your T about this. Laughing just means trying to send the client off in a good mood, instead of a gloomy one - otherwise I know I can't lift myself up. If I leave quiet and depressed, I become even more depressed. And I think that is something I TAUGHT my T.