[geez]

In my previous appointment my husband came with me and told T that "I liked therapy" I was really pissed about that all week and didn't talk about it (it kind of slipped my mind as I received an upsetting phone call this morning about my dad etc..). I did manage to tell T that I was pissed at my husband for taking up 50 of the 60 minutes to quell his anxiety and we talked about that.

I didn't really say much in my session other than:
I don't feel like talking.
How do you do this every day?
I don't want to waste my time talking about my father.

At the end of the appointment she commented on how she usually has to fish around during the appointment as to what's bothering me and asked if it would be easier for me to preplan what I want to talk about. I told her I used to do that with my old T. I would write a list either in the office or bring it with me from home. Today she asked if I would write it down now in that moment so I did. She then asked me what I wrote I told her boundaries and relationships.

I couldn't talk to my T about what I wanted to today. Why? Because I was embarrassed. I feel like I'm looking for her to replace my old T - in a way that could never be replaced. This T has great skills and is great for me in that sense but I feel like I will never be her favorite and that hurts. She went over with the client before me and it ate into my time and I left my appointment right at the end and there was another client waiting. I ALSO HATE THAT THE CLIENT BEFORE ME ALWAYS LOOKS BACK AT ME (sorry for yelling but I'm PISSED!)

[WikidPissah]

geez, it isn't wrong to like therapy.

Sorry you session feels like a waste, I know what it's like to want a do-over. Being the favorite is over rated. It is a lot of pressure. Just being average, liked and cared for seems like enough of a challenge.

[geez]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

geez, it isn't wrong to like therapy.

Sorry you session feels like a waste, I know what it's like to want a do-over. Being the favorite is over rated. It is a lot of pressure. Just being average, liked and cared for seems like enough of a challenge.

Thank you (((Wikid))) There's a client before me and she had that appointment time for a while except for the span of about three weeks when I didn't see her. I think perhaps she left therapy for a break or thought she was done and came back. I envision her being T's favorite. Just my imagination or whatever. My T seemed a little distant in today's session.

I have a feeling I'm going to be the pain in a s s client.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by geez

I have a feeling I'm going to be the pain in a s s client.

I think we're all the pain in the a s s client. Each in our own special way.

[bluemountains]

Hi Geez,
I always wait until I see the last client leave, or the exact appt. time to go in. My t is very time conscious so I know that I won't have to see any of her clients. Of course, there are sometimes other clients for other t's which bother me because I don't like to have to sit with anyone.
I take a list, but I don't always discuss what is on it-I get embarrassed, too. With your old t I am sure that it took time to develop the great relationship that you had. It will probably take you some time to feel comfortable enough to share all that you want to discuss.
Bluemountains

[rainbow8]

geez: Many, many for you. My H says I don't want to get better. I just want to be in therapy. I'm sorry you couldn't talk much. I needed to talk about my parents and found it hard and still do, when I should be mourning them.

I get it that you want to shout about the client before you who looks back at you. It's so hard to be in therapy when we want to be special (which we are, in our own ways) and when you wish you had what you had with your former T. I don't know what else to say except that I understand.

[geez]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I get it that you want to shout about the client before you who looks back at you.

I just had a thought. Next time she looks at me I should say: " Hi "

[critterlady]

I was annoyed at my T's previous client today, too. They were laughing and talking well past the start of my appointment time. When she finally came out of his office, I didn't even look up. I didn't want to see her happy, smiling face. I knew today's session was going to be tough and I was envious of her.

Originally Posted by geez

I just had a thought. Next time she looks at me I should say: " Hi "

Might actually be a good idea, might demystify her a bit in your head. These other clients are just other people struggling too and in need of help just like us. My T's waiting room is really, really busy since it is a large practice -- everything from 4 year olds going through play therapy for no telling what would take a 4 year old into therapy, to kids with ADHD, to teenagers struggling with addictions, to couples trying to maybe save their marriages, to a whole lot of people like me just trying to get through. I think of us all as fellow travelers through the maze of life (and therapy). They aren't the enemy. They probably have enough real "enemies" in their own personal lives to really worry about me, a complete stranger in the room. So I silently wish them well and realize they aren't in any way going to hurt me and they aren't in competition with me. And then I get back to the business of myself.

[geez]

Originally Posted by critterlady

I was annoyed at my T's previous client today, too. They were laughing and talking well past the start of my appointment time. When she finally came out of his office, I didn't even look up. I didn't want to see her happy, smiling face. I knew today's session was going to be tough and I was envious of her.

I feel the same way!!! I felt robbed that the other client took my time. But in reality it's up to the T to set the boundaries of time not me. I didn't want to tell T that I was upset about her going over with the other client because what if the other client is her favorite then that would make T not very happy with me I would suppose. I would find that threatening.

Sorry for the craziness of my thinking. Put my out of my misery - Blah!

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by geez

I couldn't talk to my T about what I wanted to today. Why? Because I was embarrassed. I feel like I'm looking for her to replace my old T - in a way that could never be replaced.

I feel like I will never be her favorite and that hurts.

She went over with the client before me and it ate into my time and I left my appointment right at the end and there was another client waiting.

These sound like important things to talk to T about. When things are in between you and your T they have to be discussed so that they can be removed.

I don't understand how a T can take your time away and charge you the same?

[geez]

Originally Posted by Sannah

These sound like important things to talk to T about. When things are in between you and your T they have to be discussed so that they can be removed.

I don't understand how a T can take your time away and charge you the same?

Technically she didn't take my time if I go by what T2's website says. Sessions are 50 mins but she has them go an hour and on occasion sometimes longer if there isn't a client right after (I had a 1hour 15 minute session once).

My conundrum is this and I believe this.

When I first chatted with my T on the phone I asked her a couple questions about her experience and how long it typically takes to treat someone. She said it varies. For some weeks, others 6 months and a client that she has seen for three years. I think the client she has been seeing for three years is the client before me. Why? I can't give you proof but it's my gut (it's little things). This person has been absent for three weeks with no other person taking that time slot and then has been showing up again before me (I could be wrong ) Now if that is true (it's Ts favorite) and I get pissed off about the time going over into my time then that puts me in a bad position of T not liking me and therefore effecting my treatment. I personally can't stand this person always looking at me when she leaves. It drives me crazy!

Length of therapy does not equate to level of affection for a client though. That's a tactical error in thinking. It really makes as much logic as "That is a big apartment building, so all the apartments inside the building must be large." There's just no evidence to support that. The client could have actually paid for those missing weeks to keep that spot open upon return or the T has always had that time slot with that patient so he just kept it open to keep things uncomplicated upon return. Who knows?

[geez]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Length of therapy does not equate to level of affection for a client though. That's a tactical error in thinking. It really makes as much logic as "That is a big apartment building, so all the apartments inside the building must be large." There's just no evidence to support that. The client could have actually paid for those missing weeks to keep that spot open upon return or the T has always had that time slot with that patient so he just kept it open to keep things uncomplicated upon return. Who knows?

All her patients to my knowledge (my friend has the same T). Have the same exact time every week. On my first meeting with her she asked if my Thurs at 10am worked for me and I said yes so she said that will be my time every week. So it is possible that she kept that open for her. At the same time my friend stopped going to T and her time slot was given to someone else.

[WikidPissah]

ok, that is a big leap. She probably sees a couple dozen, clients each week but you have decided X is her favorite because she disappeared for a few weeks and didn't lose her standing. Maybe client X thinks you're t's favorite?

I didn't catch if this is a constant thing. If it was just a one time thing then I would let it slide (she has gone over with you as well). But if she is late every week you should say something. You aren't complaining about the client, you are complaining about the time.

I used to detest the client before me because she always lingered and it made me nervous. Plus she was a heavy smoker and the chair would smell like cigarettes when I came in. I finally asked t if he would change my time, and he did. Problem solved. (almost, he's still always late) Maybe that's an option for you?

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by geez

Now if that is true (it's Ts favorite) and I get pissed off about the time going over into my time then that puts me in a bad position of T not liking me and therefore effecting my treatment.

You are putting a lot of time into analyzing this situation. I think that there is an issue under all of this which would be time better spent figuring that out instead.

The themes that I am hearing are favorites and you not getting good treatment if you are not the favorite. Did favorites happen in your family?

[kiki86]

i agree that even if the patient before you has been there for 3 years, that doesn't make her your T's "favourite". T's don't keep people around because they like them. that's would be really unprofessional and inappropriate!

i'm sure some t's favourite clients are sometimes the one they had for 6 months and sometimes the one they had for 10 years. but one doesn't equal the other if you know what i mean.

[geez]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

But if she is late every week you should say something. You aren't complaining about the client, you are complaining about the time.

This is the first time she has gone over into 'my time'. That happend to me before only with T1 (she went over by about 15 minutes and I could hear lots of laughing ) - I was jealous and hurt. I told T1 about it and she said she would be pissed if she too had an appointment and was waiting in the hall .

My T has never gone over with me if there is another client at 11am. The only time she has was when there was no one after me (that's when my friend decided to stop going for a while and blew T off... we had back to back appointments.) I also know that T had gone over time with my friend but only when there wasn't another client right after her.

If she is late again next week I like and need consistency.

I'm not a fan of lingering clients as well. This one turns around and LOOKS AT ME when she leaves her back is to me as she opens the door and then she spins around to close the door and LOOKS. I think the time is an issue for me but so is the client (all me in my head and no one else ).

[geez]

Originally Posted by Sannah

I think that there is an issue under all of this which would be time better spent figuring that out instead.

The themes that I am hearing are favorites and you not getting good treatment if you are not the favorite. Did favorites happen in your family?

I do agree that there is an issue under all of this and I'm trying to figure it all out by not holding back. In the process however I'm allowing myself to look like and idiot.

And yes favorites did happen in my family. OUCH! I was pretty much the black sheep. Too long of a story but it was bad.

Originally Posted by kiki86

i agree that even if the patient before you has been there for 3 years, that doesn't make her your T's "favourite". T's don't keep people around because they like them. that's would be really unprofessional and inappropriate!

i'm sure some t's favourite clients are sometimes the one they had for 6 months and sometimes the one they had for 10 years. but one doesn't equal the other if you know what i mean.

(((Kiki))) I really needed to hear that
Your words have calmed me some. Ahhh... feeling a little bit of relief.

[kiki86]

glad i could help

But earlier you said that technically she really didn't go over into your time. I guess I'm confused a bit.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by geez

I'm not a fan of lingering clients as well. This one turns around and LOOKS AT ME when she leaves her back is to me as she opens the door and then she spins around to close the door and LOOKS. I think the time is an issue for me but so is the client (all me in my head and no one else ).

My T2 has a door that makes a big noise when it shuts. I whip around to shut it quietly because I hate loud noises. Could it be something like that? Maybe now she turns around and looks at you to see if you're looking at her? (which you are). Maybe she doesn't like turning her back on people?

It could be anything, really.

[nicoleflynn]

How dare your husband (or anyone else) tell you who and what you are/what you need and want....."Your opinion of me does NOT define my reality." Are you in counseling together, or are you going for yourself and he joins you sometime?

Your therapist should have picked up on this stuff from him right away---about you not wanting to get better, or anything he would say about you.

I would tell your t how you feel about another client running in to your time! You are paying for a service!

[geez]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

But earlier you said that technically she really didn't go over into your time. I guess I'm confused a bit.

Technically no (based on her 50minute statement on her website) but her appointments have always run on the hour (I've always had at least 60minutes). The one before me and the one after me. So by default I should feel ok with it?

[geez]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

How dare your husband (or anyone else) tell you who and what you are/what you need and want....."Your opinion of me does NOT define my reality." Are you in counseling together, or are you going for yourself and he joins you sometime?

Your therapist should have picked up on this stuff from him right away---about you not wanting to get better, or anything he would say about you.

I would tell your t how you feel about another client running in to your time! You are paying for a service!

Thank you so much for that! I needed to hear that! We aren't in counseling together. This is my T. I asked him to go with me so she could explain to him how long I would be in therapy (7 --14 years possibly for C-PTSD). My explanation of 'i don't know' wasn't good enough for him.
And my T did mention at my last session that she thought my husband seemed very anxious (he tends to have verbal diarrhea when he's anxious).