Maybe this thread has already been covered- if it has I apologise but I cant find it anywhere.
I am curious to hear stories about clients crossing t boundaries. I once crossed her boundaries and I will never do it again, boy did she pull me up on it. I sent her an angry text one day telling her that therapy wasn't working and I was done with her and it and she politely replied..." we can discuss this further in our next session, should you wish to do so." I thought that was fair enough and wasn't expecting her to rip into me as soon as I got there

[skycastle]

One time, I spent 15-20 minutes in a session in silence. My T told me that if I ever did that again then she would pull out a book and start reading. She did NOT like the silence. The next session she was the most animated I've ever seen her, I think I got under her skin a lot.

I brought it up a year and a half later. She just said she didn't have the attention span to sit in silence for that long, that she hadn't meant to be punitive. I actually think she's kidding herself...

[geez]

Originally Posted by button30

Maybe this thread has already been covered- if it has I apologise but I cant find it anywhere.
I am curious to hear stories about clients crossing t boundaries. I once crossed her boundaries and I will never do it again, boy did she pull me up on it. I sent her an angry text one day telling her that therapy wasn't working and I was done with her and it and she politely replied..." we can discuss this further in our next session, should you wish to do so." I thought that was fair enough and wasn't expecting her to rip into me as soon as I got there

What did she say? I'm afraid that's what's going to happen when I go to my T appointment on Thursday of next week. I'm interested to see what others post.

She said that I had crossed her boundaries by texting her that, that is showed no respect for the work she had done for me and that texting it and not saying it in a session was not acceptable oh and I forgot to put my name after the text, she didnt appreciate that.
I hope your session goes better than mine geez

[kiki86]

oh dear! what did she say to you?

i have pushed my T on his boundaries in a way. for clarity i'll sort of transcribe what happened

me: have you ever been in therapy?
T: no
me: don't you have to, for your job?
T: yes, i will soon but i haven't yet. i'm looking forward to it though
me: what would you talk about ?(this was in reference to me always thinking he's this perfect sane person without problems)
T: whatever is going on at the time, my thoughts, feelings. same as you
me: ok but what specifically? what are your thoughts and feelings
T: (laughs) that's not why we're here! i can be open about my mental state with you but only when it's about you, i tell you what i think about you and my feelings about the things you say but you're not here to learn about me.
me: but i'm curious!!
T: (laughing) i know, maybe because that makes me seem more real to you?
me: we're talking about me again
T: exactly!

it was very lighthearted but i was pushing him on purpose to see what, if anything he'd give away. i have in my head that he's never sad or angry or has any problems which obviously can't be true. but i almost can't believe it til i hear it. plus when you know you're not supposed to know about someone's personal thoughts it makes you that bit more curious doesn't it?

[kiki86]

Originally Posted by button30

She said that I had crossed her boundaries by texting her that, that is showed no respect for the work she had done for me and that texting it and not saying it in a session was not acceptable oh and I forgot to put my name after the text, she didnt appreciate that.
I hope your session goes better than mine geez

ouch. i'm not saying she wasn't justified. T's are people too and i suppose saying that you were done with her would be hurtful to her, like saying she's useless at her job. but i imagine it felt awful for you! i think we get used to seeing our T's as these stoic creatures and forget that they can be hurt and offended too.

I understand that kiki but it would have been worse if I just never went back to her and never explained why... I wasnt trying to be mean although I can see how it would come across as being mean.
Just reading your post lol.. you were really pushing his boundaries there but you are entitled to ask your t have they been in therapy and it would actually worry me if they hadn't

[WikidPissah]

nope, never hit T's boundaries. I haven't even come close I think, I am very respectful to him.

[healed84]

Nope, not that I know of. I have felt like it sometimes with calling him sometimes, thinking I have called too much, but he always reassures me that I have not come close to stepping on any kind of line. Other than that, I get too afraid to do something "bad" when it comes to therapy and my T.

[Mom of Jr Sooner]

If you don't have respect for your T, it's time for another T!! Your playing mind games rather than getting help.

[kiki86]

I understand that kiki but it would have been worse if I just never went back to her and never explained why... I wasnt trying to be mean although I can see how it would come across as being mean.

oh i didn't mean to come across as critical. i totally agree with you and i understand the impulse behind what you did! i don't judge what you did at all. very understandable. i know you weren't trying to be mean.

[kiki86]

Just reading your post lol.. you were really pushing his boundaries there but you are entitled to ask your t have they been in therapy and it would actually worry me if they hadn't

yeah i suppose i was! i know he wasn't offended or anything by it though. he knows how curious i am about him. he actually said my curiosity about people is a trait he thinks is really positive but that doesn't mean he's going to tell me everything i want to know either :P

[critterlady]

I've never come close to a boundary with my T, at least not that he's indicated in any way.

Actually, he pushes me to ask for much more than I do now. He gave me his home phone number in anticipation of a really, really difficult weekend and called me out on not using it to call him.

I'm so afraid to hit a boundary and feel even a small amount of rejection that I hold back. A lot.

There was one time where I was really angry at my T for having a "secret" session with my Mom. When I came in for my session a week or two after, I gave T a TON of attitude. I'm usually very lighthearted and full of smiles/giggling, but this time I meant business. Instead of telling my T why I was upset with her, I just lashed out at her and said some really abrasive things. I'm pretty sure that crossed her boundary. She's usually very soft spoken and when I lashed out at her, she came right back at me in a very passive aggressive manner.

On a side note, my T doesn't have any children. I'm nosy, curious, and really want to know why. Part of me is curious because she gives out parenting advice. Seriously? How can someone with no parenting experience tell other parents what they should and should not be doing? We've talked about parenting and children multiple times for some odd reason.
Would it be inappropriate to ask her why she doesn't have children? Would that be a boundary violation?

[Kacey2]

Ummmm yes, I would have to say honestly probably over 100 times. T was very good at letting me know in a nonjudgemental, non pejorative way but also maintaining a steady hand. Just a few of the things I have done are...
-asking t about his own sex life
-asking t about his own sex life, again
-not leaving t's office when my appointment time was messed up
-always calling and cancelling appointments when I was mad at him
-calling him too much after work hours
-telling him how much I hated him
-wearing my sunglasses during therapy
-covering my ears and shouting I am not listening to you lalalala when I didn't like what he had to say
-throwing away his thinking putty when I was angry
-texting during skills training

Oh my gosh I could go on and on. I guess I have grown up a lot now.

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by Allein

On a side note, my T doesn't have any children. I'm nosy, curious, and really want to know why. Part of me is curious because she gives out parenting advice. Seriously? How can someone with no parenting experience tell other parents what they should and should not be doing? We've talked about parenting and children multiple times for some odd reason.
Would it be inappropriate to ask her why she doesn't have children? Would that be a boundary violation?

Asking isn't a boundary violation. Insisting that she answer if she deflects the question would be.

As to how someone without children can give advice on parenting - does a therapist have to have been depressed to advise a depressed client? Or have DID to work with someone with DID? Or be bipolar to help someone who's bipolar?

Originally Posted by critterlady

Asking isn't a boundary violation. Insisting that she answer if she deflects the question would be.

As to how someone without children can give advice on parenting - does a therapist have to have been depressed to advise a depressed client? Or have DID to work with someone with DID? Or be bipolar to help someone who's bipolar?

I had never thought of it that way- you're right; good point! Thanks

[SoupDragon]

Yes mine was similar to yours. I e-mailed to say I quit. T replied that it was inappropriate to just quit and they wouldn't just e-mail me to say they weren't going to work with me anymore. It had the required effect.

Not in the past-but I think I may have Over the past 2 weeks. Guess I'll find out on Tuesday. Basically my text that I'm worried about was me telling T to cancel my appt. cause nobody cares. Then text her 3 days later to reschedule for this Tuesday. But I was rude about it. Told her its too complicated to come make appts when I don't have a regular slot. Yeah. I was a B***h. Like I said-I guess I'll know on Tuesday when I go.

[bluemountains]

I am a bit afraid to cross my t's boundaries. Several times she has put me in my place when I didn't expect it, so I try to keep the session on topic and really try to heal. Early on, I had this idea that I could control each session by just bringing up the "easy" stuff, but she was having none of that. Obviously she knows the therapy field much better than I do.
Bluemountains

I have sent a number of emails to my therapist over the past two years telling her that I was upset with her or the way our session went. Telling her that I hated therapy and didn't ever want to come back. Asking her if she even wanted me there and what exactly were we doing that was helping me. I have even written that I hated her, but she knows that it is not 'her' that I hate. It is what she represents and how it makes me feel when I am in a session.

She actually replied to my emails with things like, "Finally~You are expressing your anger!" and "Good job! Keep them coming!" or "I like that you are able to write down how you are feeling. This helps you work through your feelings. I am not offended by what you are saying. This is what you need to do to heal. Don't worry about my feelings. It is okay for you to say how you feel. This is what we are working for in therapy."

Even though I have worried about crossing boundaries, and have asked her many times about it, not once has she told me that I have crossed a boundary. If that ever happened I would be mortified!

[adel34]

Squigil, your therapist sounds awesome! No, I haven't crossed a boundary that I know of.

I don't think I have crossed T's boundaries. At least I don't remember ever being told that I have.

XT..
Me: boundary, I thought I could say whatever , whenever ... I mean I'm the crazy one...

New T ..
T: you can,push me all day long , but I know what your doing
Me: ok you win

[tkdgirl]

I think I might have crossed a boundary once when I sent an angry email. T replied that I was trying to sabotage the relationship and prove she wasn't safe. First thing at my next session she asked about the email. I told her I would try not send anymore of those types of emails which seemed to satisfy her.