[nuttysquirrel]

Hi all, this is my first post here on this board. Thanks for reading.

So yesterday I had an appointment with a therapist; the first time I have ever talked with a therapist. Honestly, I didn't really have any clearcut goals in mind or specific plan of action; I just needed a sounding board to talk to someone about a bunch of thoughts going through my mind the past few years that have been really confusing and weighing heavily on me. I told her during our initial consultation that I wanted to talk to a therapist because I wasn't quite at the stage to disclose these specific thoughts I have to a friend/relative, and she understood.

So this whole past week leading up to the appt. I went back and forth between being excited to being nervous and worried, wondering if I had done the right thing, should I cancel the appt., etc. But I thought, no, I'm going forward with it; I initiated this and I'm not backing out. So I prepared like I was getting ready for a test; taking a lot of notes, sorting out my thoughts, planning out what I was going to say and in what order.

I knew being nervous was normal, but I guess I just thought that after the session, I'd feel like a heavy weight was being lifted (I disclosed feelings that I have never told a person face to face before) and I'd feel a whole lot better, but in all honesty, I didn't. She didn't say anything earth shattering or tell me any new advice that I hadn't read before. Also, she was very forward and direct, which was kind of shocking to me in a way. I was very tentative going in, like taking baby steps, and she made suggestions that took me aback, like, "woah there! easy now!". I left the session thinking, "hmm...is this going to be helpful? Do I want to continue with her? Or am I just being chicken about this?"

I guess in all honesty, everything she said, the advice she gave, was absolutely right, but in a way it wasn't quite delivered in the way I wanted to hear. Maybe that's what I DO need to hear, but it was hard to digest. I was expecting someone to sense my tentativeness, metaphorically hold my hand, tell me it's okay, take your time...but no, not with this woman. She seemed full steam ahead, like "get over yourself and get on with it!" I know they're not supposed to judge, but I'm sensing I left her scratching her head a bit about me.

I know it's just the first session, and maybe I should go a few more times, but I'm not sure. She asked me if I wanted to come back, and I said I'll think about it, so we left it at that. But she was helpful, gave me some food for thought, so maybe I'm okay for now. I don't know, just wondering if other people got scared off after their first visit?

[Eliza Jane]

There are so many different types and personalities of therapists. Don't let one session with this one therapist scare you off from therapy in general. If you don't like this one try another.

That said, I think it might be worth it to give her one or two more sessions unless you are certain she is a bad fit for your needs or there are any red flags or ethical concerns. It can be hard to tell a lot from one session, particularly if you don't have experience being in therapy. At this point, it may be hard to tell what is anxiety about the process or anxiety related to her in particular.

Also, I know for me, anxiety makes me want to cut and run. Make sure that your ambivalence about a second session isn't related to just wanting to avoid your issues.

Welcome to the board!

Best,
EJ

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by nuttysquirrel

I guess in all honesty, everything she said, the advice she gave, was absolutely right, but in a way it wasn't quite delivered in the way I wanted to hear. Maybe that's what I DO need to hear, but it was hard to digest.

Congratulations on your first session and your first post!

Yes, a lot of therapy is "being told things you don't want to hear", and I admire your ability to accept that. Many patients have trouble coming to terms with it.

Good luck!

Congratulations on your first post. Therapists have different styles, and if this one has too direct of a style, there are others out there. My T, for instance, is very direct and to the point. I love that. He lets me bring up the subjects, but goes pretty much straight to the point. My husband had one appointment with him and hated him. He felt attacked. My T felt he was simply pointing out to my husband where his thinking was distorted. So, one person can think a T is the greatest, while someone else cannot stand them.

Maybe one more appointment to see if you can handle this style? And if not, it's not necessarily a sign that you would not benefit from therapy if you choose it.

Give it a few sessions. Directness is the style I prefer in a therapist. I really don't like a therapist who treats me as delicate. I much prefer they tell me like it is exactly the way they see it.

That style may not work for you, but some of this may be because you have nothing to compare this with but your imagination up to this point. If you find after a few sessions that the style is too straight forward for you, you can always move on to find one more of a softer, gentler style that would suit you.

i need someone who is gentle, calm and very patient. i freak at the merest hint of t being mad at me. direct would never work for me.

go another session; then follow your instinct. good luck!

[Silversand]

I have trouble working with female therapist because of my background. It took going through 4 therapist to find the 'right fit'. Been seeing him now 5 plus years.

Good luck.

[pbutton]

I've felt fairly neutral both of my "first times". It might be a good idea to try another T to see how you feel with someone else. Can't hurt, right?

[kiki86]

well done on taking such a big step. i agree with the others. give her a couple more sessions to see if you make a connection but remember that you're not obligated to her and if you want to try a different T then that's ok too. i think a good fit is important. someone who challenges you but with whom you also can form a bond.