[bluemountains]

Trigger-mention of sui.

Today I had my t appointment. We covered a lot of ground. Currently we are working on my parasuicidal behaviors and how to fight depression, which leads to the behaviors.
I have a bipolar dx, which has me cycling up and down. Right now my med cocktail pretty much has me stable; however, upsetting events, small or large, can send me into depression easily.
One strategy my t wants me to use is to tell myself that I absolutely will not allow the depression to enter into my mind. I am not sure that I can "think" away depression. Has anyone else ever used a strategy such as this successfully? I guess the idea is mind over matter; however, I have had deep depressive states my entire life. Being able to think away depression makes me feel that I am selfishly allowing myself to enter these states.
Thanks to anyone who can help me understand this.
Bluemountains

[unaluna]

I wouldn't call it selfish. i'd call it more like pot-hole. I know there is that big example of falling into the hole blah bla blah, but I think eventually it does get filled up with good stuff from T, the trauma wound gets healed, and it does get easier not to "go there". it's a gradual process, but something has to replace it. like chewing nicotine gum instead of smoking cigs, you need love and warmth and help and caring and support in there to take the place of depression. to know that T does care about you? maybe it's not much, but it's all I got, what the hey.

[Sannah]

I think that you have to work your way through what got you to this point in the first place.

[healed84]

Personally, I don't think you can think depression away. I am at the point where I know depression is sinking in, and to combat it I have been running around like crazy not to let myself sit down and let the depression can sink it. Staying at home, feeling stuck, and lonely does not help. However, when I sit down and have thoughts to myself I know it is still there and it still sinks in. So, personally.. I don't think you can. Which, sucks b/c the meds I have been on for panic attacks are working great, but not so much with the depression.

[lostmyway21]

I don't think you can think away depression. Keeping yourself active and busy heps me, and of course my meds, but that's all that I've found helpful.

[KazzaX]

I wish it were possible to just think depression away! I would have saved thousands in psych bills that way, lol

I also wouldn't advise just "acting happy" and thinking happy positive thoughts because that is what I did and it lead to a nervous breakdown. You have to get your hands dirty, get in there and deal with the nuts and bolts of the depression otherwise you are just rugsweeping it. And rugsweeping it makes it stronger.

It is an illness. You can't "think away" an illness.

[bluemountains]

As I mull over the session, I think what my t was hoping I would understand is that I do have a disease (bipolar), but my meds control it pretty well.
My problem though, is that one negative event, such as one that recently happened where my feelings were hurt because I wasn't included in a social event, can put me into a negative place for days. I assume, rightly or wrongly, that these "friends" are uncomfortable with the many months I have been going through med and lifestyle changes. As I have opened up and allowed more people to know about the bp, I feel like I am finding out who my true, supportive friends are.
I am now very depressed, and my t is trying to get me to focus on what I have learned through cbt in order to control the depression. This is what I believe she was trying to tell me when she said I don't have to accept depression, I can choose not to consider myself depressed.
I'm still not sure that any of this makes sense, but I've been giving it a lot of thought.

[Perna]

I kind of like Hanksters pothole analogy, especially if you have a cycling bipolar situation; if you can hang on long enough to "I don't want to go there," maybe keeping active like Healed84, whatever works for you, then you might be able to get past that bad spot. It is not thinking away depression so much as using your head to not let it get a hold in the first place.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

One strategy my t wants me to use is to tell myself that I absolutely will not allow the depression to enter into my mind.

I think different things help different people. What came to my mind when I read what your T said wasn't so much "thinking away depression" but I focused on the "not allowing depression to enter" part. I formed a mental image of me as a guardian of my mental health, maybe even dressed in armor and carrying a sword, standing at the gates of my mind and not letting depression in. A mental image. Maybe that would help me when I feel depression lurking in my neighborhood. It's just am image, a tool, something new to try. If I tried to "think away depression" it would not work, but visualizations are something I find useful.

When I was depressed, it helped me to think of Depression as an entity, and we were in a continual battle, and I was weary of this. I needed to make friends with Depression in order to move forward. So I visualized getting to know Depression and I shook hands with him and we stopped being enemies. I tried to show understanding of why he had come to me and tried to see ways in which his presence was actually helpful instead of all bad. Making friends with Depression, or at least declaring a truce, helped me. It became not such a war but a joint endeavor to get better. The constant warring beat me down. Being friendly helped me rest and get my strength back up. I do think Depression can be a protective mechanism and it helped me to view it in that way.

Since different things work for different people, making friends with Depression might not work for you (I know some people get offended by that idea) but trying something else might help. When I am really stuck I sometimes ask my T to suggest things because maybe he has a new idea and I will just try it because I sure don't have anything better. Can you ask your T for concrete ideas on how not to let depression enter your mind?

Originally Posted by bluemountains

Being able to think away depression makes me feel that I am selfishly allowing myself to enter these states.

Personally, I wouldn't find thinking I was selfish to be helpful, it would probably make me more depressed. If it were me, I would try a reframe so as not to add to my problem by viewing myself as selfish.

Good luck.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

my feelings were hurt because I wasn't included in a social event

I assume, rightly or wrongly, that these "friends" are uncomfortable with the many months I have been going through med and lifestyle changes. As I have opened up and allowed more people to know about the bp, I feel like I am finding out who my true, supportive friends are.

You are reacting emotionally to an assumption. You don't know why you weren't included.

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by Sannah

You are reacting emotionally to an assumption. You don't know why you weren't included.

Exactly what my t said, also she said I should be assertive and confront situations instead of making these assumptions.

I think some of us are especially prone to depression. We cannot think it away, but we can try to correct some of our thinking patterns that throw us off kilter and send us sliding down into the pit. And we can use the power of thoughts to try to stop the slide, and/or move ourselves back out of the pit more quickly than we have in the past.

My friends did something similar last weekend. One friend (X) and I co-own a horse trailer with living quarters, and have in the past often gone riding and camping together. OFTEN. Usually, it was just the two of us, or we would meet people wherever it was we were riding. Lately, things have been different because two other friends moved their horses to X's house. So now, those two friends and X have been riding together a lot, and my horse has been hurt, so I have not been included. I have started another horse under saddle, but I'm still not included as much.

This last weekend, there was a riding competition that we were all supposed to go to, before my horse got hurt. I told X I was still planning to go to the competition, stay in the trailer and just help out with the stuff that needs to be done at the ride. I saw her on Wednesday and asked if we were still planning to go to the ride because I hadn't heard from her about planning meals, etc. She said she didn't know if we were going because it was so hot. I found out later from one of our two other friends that they WERE planning on going. X had already invited our two other friends to go with her in OUR trailer. She told them that she didn't think I was planning on going because I had not called her. Technically, that was correct, because I didn't call her; I saw her in person. But still. Anyway, our mutual friend urged me to call her, but I refused and was hurt and angry and just didn't go to the ride.

Long preamble to say that I felt really down and depressed, and in the old days, I would have crawled in bed with a bag of snickers and stayed there all weekend. Instead, I dragged my butt out of bed, took my dogs for a walk, went to my mother in law's and fixed a really lunch for her since she wasn't feeling well, and then went home and exercised until I couldn't stand up. The next day, I exercised, went to a movie with my husband and played with my horses. I decided that I was not going to dwell on the situation with X or think that it meant I was unworthy as a person.

I have to pick one small thing and concentrate on that. If I get caught up in wondering if I was selfish not to do this years ago, I'm just going to sink back into the pit again. I didn't know HOW to do this years ago. I have to give myself some grace around the fact.