[BlessedRhiannon]

I've just gotten back from a vacation, and I'm back in the office today. I feel absolutely frantic and panicky. Everything feels too urgent, too fast, and just too much!!!! My thoughts are just spiraling.

I want to just pack up and go home, but I can't because my manager is in the office today. I want to call T, but all she can do is listen as I panic and them offer suggestions on ways to calm down, and I know what she'll say. She'll tell me to take a minute to just accept the panic, and then breathe, and then slow down, and then focus on one thing at a time. I don't feel like I can, though! I feel like everything is screaming for my attention at once. I feel like I need to hide away until things become less overwhelming.

I don't want to retreat, I want to be able to handle this. I don't want to call T, especially when I'm going to see her in just two days and this isn't urgent. It just feels urgent to me right now, but I know it isn't really.

Sigh. So, instead, I'm posting here, just to get some of these thoughts out of my head and maybe just a little support in my attempt to deal with these feelings of panic.

[granite1]

i'm glad you posted here

[pbutton]

It sounds like you've already got a piece of T with you - you can hear her advice without even calling. That's cool.

[healed84]

pbutton is right.. Now, do what your T would say

[BlessedRhiannon]

Well, I got lucky - the fire alarm went off, and the office was evacuated, so my manager sent everyone home! I got to go home early and relax a bit.

pbutton and healed - you're right, I do seem to have a bit of my T with me and I should listen to that! It's hard, though.

[KazzaX]

Hahaha nice so you ended up accepting the panic..... of the fire alarm!

SOmething similar happened to me the other week. I got out of therapy and was sitting there debating with myself over who I would stab first (not that I really would, probably) and then bamm! The whole street was evacuated because of a gas leak! All these fire engines rocked up.. major drama (it was a gas leak outside the hospital where I do T). Great distraction!

[elliemay]

There is an old saying that no one needs a vacation more than a person who just returned from vacation.

I understand the panic - really. The "let up" during vacation is soooo nice. Then you come back to a pile of work, the same stressors etc...

What I do, and I learned this the hard way, is to schedule an extra day or two upon return to "decompress" from the vacation and re-engage the same old sloggery.

Having said all that, panic is awful. I'm sorry.

Thank goodness for fire alarms. Be honest.... Did you pull it????

Actually might not want to admit that, I think it a felony. Sssshhh....

[mcl6136]

my colleagues and I call this "re-entry" burn. Not that I know all about what yours is like, but for me, that's an accurate description.

So....ironic that the FIRE ALARM went off, no?

hang in there and keep posting. We support you.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

It just feels urgent to me right now, but I know it isn't really.

Good job, the posting here to get the feelings out and forcing yourself to relax into the feels like-but-isn't-actually scenario. Hope it helped you. . .before the fire alarm went off

[BlessedRhiannon]

I usually try to either take the day off after a vacation, or at least work from home that first day back. Wasn't able to do that this time, and it's just been hard settling in. Plus, my 13 hour drive home from vacation gave me lots of time to think, and it stirred up some things that I just really need to talk to T about.

So, I think between going back to work, being super busy, and feeling like I need to talk to T, the panic wasn't entirely unexpected. Today was rough again, but I see T first thing tomorrow morning, so I'm managing for now.