[MASIMO]

My T said at the end of an intense But productive session that he was happy and somehow flattered with my relationship with him. How it was easy. He said he feels very comfortable. Funny but Feeling comfortable in our relationship Seems like something I need to Feel not him. But I guess it goes both ways. Has anyone had their T say proclaim this?

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think that's great for you! My T has told me she looks forward to our sessions and feels very comfortable with me. Your T sounds great!

[critterlady]

I think we get the best from others when they're comfortable with us. Since the therapeutic relationship is really the most important aspect of therapy, it's good to have that kind of rapport with your T and that your T has that kind of rapport with you, too.

[healed84]

Honestly, if T said something like that to me or that he looks forward to seeing me, I wouldn't believe him. I would think that it is something that he says to all of his clients. I just wouldn't be able to believe it. I am glad you and your T have such a nice comfortable relationship! That is so great!

[unaluna]

I like that! It's like that item from the Emotionally Absent Mother, "You can rest in me". If he can "rest" in you, if he is comfortable with you, then you can feel comfortable and accepted by him. I reminded my T this week of how one time, in the first year of my therapy with him, I wanted to turn a hug into a short waltz, and he freaked out! Now we dance or rock all the time, no biggie. The actual therapy is still therapy, boundaries fully intact - but he's not playing the role of a harshly rejecting parent anymore, that I have to constantly try to win over. So maybe your T finally heard YOUR banging on that door for what it really is, and decided it was safe to open it. At least he finally got it.

T has said several times over the years that I'm just "good people" and he enjoys talking with me. We really do get along well and are fond of each others' personalities. Lots of good banter going back and forth. I suspect if we just worked together at school for instance (he used to actually work as the psychologist in my school a few years before I got there), we'd probably be friendly and get along well as co-workers. We have always meshed very comfortably with each other.

My T has told me how very comfortable he is with me. I think his comfort with me helps me feel more comfortable with him and better able to talk to him.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by MASIMO

Funny but Feeling comfortable in our relationship Seems like something I need to Feel not him.

Maybe he doesn't need to feel that way to provide good therapy, but isn't it great that he does feel that way with you? That makes therapy easier, more reciprocal, more enjoyable. I'm glad you have that with your T! I think my T has said some similar things. We just "click."

[ECHOES]

Funny but Feeling comfortable in our relationship Seems like something I need to Feel not him.

I wonder if this is feeling like you have some responsibility for how he feels and that makes you, understandably, uncomfortable?

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by healed84

Honestly, if T said something like that to me or that he looks forward to seeing me, I wouldn't believe him.

Me too. Sometimes I think I'm a little too aware that my therapist is a professional feel-gooder. I can't make myself stop believing that is her job to say nice things to me. She has said she feels comfortable with me, that she likes me, etc. But since I don't understand why she would feel favorable towards me, I don't really trust she's not just blowing smoke up my skirt.

[stopdog]

I can't imagine why the therapist would like or dislike me. I do not think I would like to hear that the therapist was comfortable with me. I don't want them comfortable. I want them competent and alert. It implies a familiarity I do not think is real or useful.

[MASIMO]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I can't imagine why the therapist would like or dislike me. I do not think I would like to hear that the therapist was comfortable with me. I don't want them comfortable. I want them competent and alert. It implies a familiarity I do not think is real or useful.

Oh believe me. My therapist is not sleeping on the job. I look at his comments as a statement of commitment to me. And that he has drawn closer to me, like a partner in my healing. Although this awakens my transference with him, I think this reflects my love for him
has matured into more of a Feeling of trust and comfort ...I don't have to Feel as needy with him as i trust he will be there for me. Whatever it means, it feels good.

[stopdog]

I am glad it feels good to you.

[Wren_]

I like the idea it goes both ways; nice of your T to say and great you are both experiencing that

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I can't imagine why the therapist would like or dislike me. I do not think I would like to hear that the therapist was comfortable with me. I don't want them comfortable. I want them competent and alert. It implies a familiarity I do not think is real or useful.

I would feel that they were just phonin' it in.

How does "comfortable" translate to incomptent and unalert? I just see comfortable as meshing well and being able to communicate very naturally. Interesting.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

How does "comfortable" translate to incomptent and unalert? I just see comfortable as meshing well and being able to communicate very naturally. Interesting.

Maybe I'm thinking...complacent when it just means "at ease." I would want the latter but not the former. I just dislike the way everyone in our society says things like "I'm not comfortable doing that.." as a synonym for "I don't want to, because it will stretch me."

But FG, I agree....I don't think that comfortable means incompetent. There is a stage, though, where the familiarity can lapse into just having a chat, and when that is the WHOLE of the therapy hour, week in and week out, work and change may not be in the cards.

[stopdog]

I did not say comfortable had to equal incompetent. I was mere saying I want them competent and alert more than I want them comfortable. It did not say they are mutually exclusive necessarily. I still am not keen on comfortable though - I want the choosing words and actions with forethought and great care and even caution.

[Perna]

I'm pretty sure my T was not comfortable with me because I was defensive and brittle and rarely let her psychically near me, never mind letting her feel comfortable. We use to joke I was like a car on a highway suddenly taking an off ramp (without signaling), using the cloverleaf and coming back up onto the highway a little later to try again with whatever had scared me off I was good at giving myself time delays :-)

I'm comfortable with my husband because he's "warm, fun, and friendly" (my chosen 3 reasons why I like him). I would have loved my T to have perceived me that way, "approachable"?