[WikidPissah]

Hi all. For those who don't know, I spent the last two weeks in a residential trauma program with 7 other women. We didn't focus on actual trauma, but reducing the symptoms of PTSD. It was good for me since I have isolated myself off from the real world for the past few years. I had 4 groups a day, including Sat/Sun, and half hour t appointments daily, as well as several psychiatric consults. Here's my take away.

1 – I am not totally unlikable.
2 – I need to process the mastectomy with a female t
3 – I can handle one on one with a female who is age 35-50, but no older.
4 – My PTSD symptoms are not freaky or weird. (many other woman have the same thoughts)
5 – I am not a virus, the ickiness I feel won’t rub off on others
6 – Group therapy isn’t that bad
7 – I don’t have to go in depth about my trauma history, ever.
8 – EMDR would not be good for me.
9 – DBT is not a good fit.
10 – I need structure in my life, and should stick to a daily schedule
11 – I have body dysmorphic disorder. (not social anxiety disorder, not agoraphobia)
12 – I cannot save the earth single-handedly, nor is it my responsibility to protect and care for every creature I meet.
13 – I should meet with current t and ask for a referral to a female t at least temporarily.

New Therapy Goals:
1 – Manage my obsessive thoughts/stop rituals around checking my physical flaws.
2 – Stop thinking that everyone dislikes me.
3 – Acknowledge my feelings/fears about the cancer
4 – Stop isolating and go out in public at least once per day.
5 – Change careers. (no more bean counting, I want to be animal focused)

[granite1]

this sounds like a lot of work wiki and a great start to healing

[unaluna]

As mrs seinfeld would say, how can anyone not like you??! and did they make you eat coolwhip?

[stopdog]

I thought this thread might be about taking indian food home to eat.

Wikid - it sounds like you got a lot out of it and your goals sound reasonable - good for you.

[skeksi]

Good work!

[rainbow8]

It sounds like the program was beneficial for you! I'm glad!

Awesome, that is a powerful list. I hope we get to share this journey with you... I could have told you number 1 for free!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Hi all. For those who don't know, I spent the last two weeks in a residential trauma program with 7 other women. We didn't focus on actual trauma, but reducing the symptoms of PTSD. It was good for me since I have isolated myself off from the real world for the past few years. I had 4 groups a day, including Sat/Sun, and half hour t appointments daily, as well as several psychiatric consults. Here's my take away.

1 – I am not totally unlikable.
2 – I need to process the mastectomy with a female t
3 – I can handle one on one with a female who is age 35-50, but no older.
4 – My PTSD symptoms are not freaky or weird. (many other woman have the same thoughts)
5 – I am not a virus, the ickiness I feel won’t rub off on others
6 – Group therapy isn’t that bad
7 – I don’t have to go in depth about my trauma history, ever.
8 – EMDR would not be good for me.
9 – DBT is not a good fit.
10 – I need structure in my life, and should stick to a daily schedule
11 – I have body dysmorphic disorder. (not social anxiety disorder, not agoraphobia)
12 – I cannot save the earth single-handedly, nor is it my responsibility to protect and care for every creature I meet.
13 – I should meet with current t and ask for a referral to a female t at least temporarily.

New Therapy Goals:
1 – Manage my obsessive thoughts/stop rituals around checking my physical flaws.
2 – Stop thinking that everyone dislikes me.
3 – Acknowledge my feelings/fears about the cancer
4 – Stop isolating and go out in public at least once per day.
5 – Change careers. (no more bean counting, I want to be animal focused)

I'm so inspired by your post...detailed and practical and positive insights. Wow! Please feel free to pm me...cause the whole career thing -- I work in the field of animal rescue and it is such a wonderful thing to do. And I make a very good living at it! We also need bean counters in the animal rescue field! If any of that interests, please don't hesitate to reach out.

You can do this!

That's a great list. Seems like you learned a lot. Glad your back. Keep in truckin'. Sounds like you are on your way and know some of what you need. Hugs.

[rainbow_rose]

What you wrote sound amazing, Wikid! I totally understand the isolating. I do that too.

[Chopin99]

I isolate and obsess also, so I relate to you on several levels! We may do it a bit differently, but same concept.

It sounds like this turned out to be a very beneficial thing for you. I'm glad you went. Not only were you able to define a lot of things about yourself, you also got some things corrected. When the problems are well-defined, then the work going about solving them can begin. Sounds like you made some really good goals as well!

I wish my T were a bit younger and not 100's of miles away, or I would send you to her for processing your mastectomy. Since she's been through it, I'd think she'd be ideal, but then again, I don't know if she's actually processed her own. She told me a couple weeks ago she thought she had some PTSD from the whole ordeal. I need to ask her how she's doing with that next session.

I'm so happy for you Wiki! Keep up the hard work!

(((((((WP))))))

WOW - what an inspiring post! I'm so happy for you...it sounds like you discovered a lot of good, important things about yourself while you were there..and that you have a great plan to move forward.

Thank you so much for sharing

[WikidPissah]

Thanks for all the encouragement! I seriously think my participation here on PC made me a bit more open to the experience. After the 5th day there my stutter decreased significantly.

The obsessive tendencies are something I have hid really well, even from myself. I thought they were minor, but when I did the ED evaluation they picked right up on it. Unfortunately the recommended treatment is an SSRI and anxiolytics, neither of which I will take, so it may be a lot of CBT for a little bit. Not a big fan of cbt either, but I need to get control so I can get back out in public.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

New Therapy Goals:
1 – Manage my obsessive thoughts/stop rituals around checking my physical flaws.
2 – Stop thinking that everyone dislikes me.
3 – Acknowledge my feelings/fears about the cancer
4 – Stop isolating and go out in public at least once per day.
5 – Change careers. (no more bean counting, I want to be animal focused)

Great list and new goals! I would maybe restate the goals positively as one can't, "stop thinking about pink elephants" :-)

1. Discover 3-5 things I like about my physical self. Replace obsessive thinking about physical flaws with thinking about these physical features I like and how they help me (for example: I like my strong legs and good feet that help me with my weight problems; I like when others tell me my eyes light up anticipating and doing something I enjoy; I like my thick, wavy hair that does what it's told :-)

2. When I think an individual dislikes me, counter the thought with 3 concrete reasons why that is probably not true (for example: this person does not know me or has not known me long enough to like or dislike me; this person is here, talking to me or trying to work with me right now instead of with someone else; I have not said or done anything that would cause this person to dislike me -- my problems are challenges others wish to help me with, not offenses that condemn me to a life of loneliness, despair, and being spat on (get as ridiculous as possible to make yourself smile)).

3. Acknowledge my feelings/fears about the cancer and discuss them with another, caring individual(s). (new female therapist, cancer support group at the local hospital, friend or relative I enjoy)

4. Make a list of five places I could go and choose one a day for an outing. (for example: library, grocery shopping, other shopping or dry cleaner, restaurant (hot spot like Starbucks and take my laptop, say hello or share a table with someone); personal care location like hair dresser's or gym, museum or festival/fair/special event, therapy or club meeting)

5. Investigate animal-focused careers and how I could use my current skills to move sideways into the animal field while learning what I need to know or do for a more hands-on career (for example: business office of the ASPCA to being an investigator; teller at a race track to working in an owner's or trainer's barn; specializing in accounting for veterinarians to becoming a veterinary technologist (I'm seeing a veterinarian today (or, my cat is :-) who was a "veterinary pharmacologist" in the army, I'd never heard of that) or veterinarian).

[stopdog]

I thought of this from Gilbert and Sullivan (what is not covered by monty python, oscar wilde, or stephen crane can be found in G and S)-
The Mikado:

Katisha: You hold that I am not beautiful because my face is plain. But you know nothing; you are still unenlightened. Learn, then, that it is not in the face alone that beauty is to be sought. My face is unattractive!
***** But I have a left shoulder-blade that is a miracle of loveliness. People come miles to see it. My right elbow has a fascination that few can resist.... It is on view Tuesdays and Fridays, on presentation of visiting card. As for my circulation, it is the largest in the world.

WEll done Wiki for being so pro-active! That is some mighty fine work you did, congratulations and I wish you all the best with your goals and objectives, the future is only a step away now, go for it