Feeling safe?

The subject of safety is very touchy for me too. I have only experienced complete safety with my T.

My "safe" place has always been when I have been wrapped up in a blanket, like a cocoon around me I guess. I started doing that very young. I have vivid memories of my blankets being the only "protection" between me and my abuser. I would lay on my stomach and wrap them up around me all the way to my ears because my bedroom door literally wouldn't close all the way much less lock. It didn't work, but it was a routine I went through each and every night, even though this was south Texas and very hot with poor air conditioning. To this day, I am almost always under a blanket even in the summer.

I have a similar ritual , I sleep with pillows all aroundme, even one between my legs...I have 6 pillows, other then making it hard to cuddle with my partner, it just makes me sleep better being surrounded.

Even alone, I don't feel safe, particularly. Something bad could be imminent and probably is. Not that I'm paranoid or anything. If you expect bad things, you cannot be unpleasantly surprised. If nothing bad happens, that's nice.

MKAC.. OMG...that is exactly what I've always said regarding people and expectations. If I never expect anything from anyone then I'm never disappointed, but if someone on the off chance does do something for me... I will be pleasantly surprised. Hmmm

All alone IN THAT MOMENT, is when I feel safe... I not considering the future or anything not in my immediate area.

I feel safe from others when alone. I don't feel safe from being wrong in general, it just does not matter as much because it is then only me and the pets and they don't object to me that I know of.

Yes! I am NEVER safe because there is always the potential that I will make a mistake. Even if I am alone, it's STILL a mistake and I still feel awful about it. And 'awful' is a huge understatement. Like I should just die and give up because I can never stop making mistakes.

(((((((((((((( minefield )))))))))))))) I didn't want to hijack this thread but you said something that I think is so important ... I started a separate thread. Please read it... I wish you the best in your healing journey

I don't get it. What is it supposed to feel like? I think I have a problem with this because of the GAD - I always have that horrible fear in the background. Sometimes it is drowned out by other stuff, but it's still there.

I'm not sad about this or anything. I just don't understand it at all.

The therapist once asked me if I had a safe place from what we were talking about. When I said no, she said it was sad. I said it did not feel sad to me that I know of, it just is the way it goes. A sort of given. It is not horrible or anything. Just a fact.