Or do you?

If you were crying and your T asked if it was ok to touch you (arm or knee, with intent to be supportive) would that be ok with you?

Or would you rather be the one to request the contact? Why or why not?

[lostmyway21]

NO way. T has a no touch boundary.

[anilam]

I have a strictly no touch policy- my T knows that and always behaves accordingly.
I don't know how my T acts with other clients- once I saw one of his clients leave and he put an arm around her- so I guess he does some touch though I somehow can't picture him hugging his clients.

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

Or do you?

If you were crying and your T asked if it was ok to touch you (arm or knee, with intent to be supportive) would that be ok with you?

Or would you rather be the one to request the contact? Why or why not?

Mt T would initiate the touch. Like asking me after every session if I wanted a hug. I liked it that way because I would never ask for something like that myself.

[Emptty]

If I asked and was denied touch I would feel rejected, dirty... hurt.

If they asked I would be comfortable to either say yes or no. I think it is good when Ts ask but some people have a problem saying no and might feel pressured so I can understand why a T would choose not to offer touch.

My T only gives hugs occasionally and when she does she asks me first. I'm too afraid to make the request

I'm usually very open to touch in my daily life, but only if I know the person fairly well. I do struggle with setting boundaries if I find myself in an uncomfortable situation, though. At a program I attended, we were always told to ask, "May I?" before we initiated touch with ANYONE (even if we were already really familiar with the other person). And even if we asked, the other person always had a right to say "No".

Everyone is different...it is good to discuss that as part of boundaries and to get clarification. From anyone.

It really has never come up for me, though. Sorry.

T hugs me at the end of every session. She just holds out her arms though. There was only one other occasion that she touched me during a session and that was when I was dissociated. She tapped on my knee to bring me back. But other than that-just that one time-its just the hugs at the end.

[granite1]

my T moved her chair real close to me at one time and i completely freaked out she has never done it again.so i guess i have a no touch policy .i never asked her about hugs or touch i guess it isnt all that important to me because i know she now will not even come close to me anymore.i'm way ok with that

[autotelica]

We don't hug very often, but when we do she always asks first. She has told me my hugging technique has improved.

A couple of times she has wiped my tears for me. I've been able to roll with it without being startled, but the first time she did it something weird happened to me afterwards. For two weeks, whenever I would think about the moment, I would have a tic--a backwards head bop. Almost like my subconscious mind was pulling me back from her touch. It was the first time I had ever linked specific thoughts to my involuntary movements. It kind of gave me a glimpse into the hidden workings of my mind.

I never told her about my discovery and eventually I stopped doing it. But it was very weird.

[struggling2]

ive never cried in therapy so i dont know what she would do. i asked if i could hug her one time a long long time ago cause i thought i was "done" and it was my way of saying thank you. but i ended up going back and at some point she started hugging me at the end of most every session. which is fine by me. its nice. kind of like a "you're gonna be ok" hug.

[stopdog]

In the unlikely event I were to cry at the therapist's office, touch would make the experience about a thousand times worse for me. The therapist does not touch me and should keep it that way.

[SoupDragon]

My T talks about offering touch, but I have that no touch policy - it would be too frightening for me.

[Sunne]

I don't know about T's touch boundary. I know I have one though, and that is DO NOT TOUCH.

I've never broken down in front of him so I don't know how I would react if he asked if he could console me psychically. I would probably stop crying and freeze in fear.

Occasionally we touch hands by accident. Like when I'm handing him pictures or paper or when he is handing me my card. It doesn't bother me that much.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

Or do you?

If you were crying and your T asked if it was ok to touch you (arm or knee, with intent to be supportive) would that be ok with you?

Or would you rather be the one to request the contact? Why or why not?

No way. I don't want it and wouldn't ask for it. It would blur the professional boundary in my opinion, and while I want to be understood, want help, and comfort, I don't want it in that way from my therapist.

Therapy isn't going to be forever and maybe because I know what's like to have a sudden termination, I won't allow myself to get so emotionally involved with another therapist.....and I think physically touching would be a way to easily push me over that personal boundary.

[WikidPissah]

absolutely no touchie please, per order of Wiki. T has patted my back when I left before, and I hate it.

My T has always been the one to initiate any contact, but it has been pretty rare over the years. He has always asked if it was okay to hold my hand or whatever before he touched which was very respectful and pretty cautious on his part. I don't think I've ever been the one to ask.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Yes, my T has asked and so have I. I feel very comfortable with this and find that it helps me self regulate, especially after I have been crying.

My T hugged my once only, it was so nice but I think I frightened her into never doing it again lol...I wrapped my arms around her and embraced her touch. I liked it but obviously she didn't cause she never did it again. She just started patting me on the back when I left. Usually she asked would it be ok if she moved her chair closer or sat beside me!

[noodlzzz]

My T has asked me for a hug on a number of occasions and I decline each time. If they just touched me without asking I'd major freak out.

Both of us initiate it. T and i are both big huggers. She doesnt need to ask, neither do i.

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

I won't allow myself to get so emotionally involved with another therapist.....and I think physically touching would be a way to easily push me over that personal boundary.

This is part of the problem I am having now, without even including the touch-feelng like I am attaching to her too much, feeling too connected. I WANT that feeling but it scares me, and her touching me made me want to allow her to get closer, made me want to ask for a hug, but it makes it so much harder for me to keep her at a distance emotionally.

[scorpiosis37]

Yes, I'm the one who first initiated touch. I asked T one day if she allowed hugs and she said that it depended on the client and the circumstances. In my case, she said she felt it was safe. Since then, it's evolved into a routine hug at the end of every session. There have been a few times when I've simply forgot and started walking out the door. In those instances, she's asked me: "Would you like a hug today?" I've really appreciated that because it's a way of reminding me (yo, hug here if you want it) without pressuring me (in case I didn't want it).

I've never cried or broken down in session, so I don't know whether she would offer physical comfort if I did. But she has told me that if I'm having a rough session and I want her to sit next to me on the couch or something like that, I'm allowed to ask. There was also a time when I was showing her some pictures, and I asked her to sit next to me because it made it easier. That was purely logistical, so I didn't think either of us really gave that much thought.

There have also been a few times when we've given minimal phyiscal gestures, like you would with those in your RL. For instance, I got some new boots and she was like "ooh I love your boots" and she touched them to feel the fabric. She did the same thing once with a new dress I was wearing; it was made from an unsual fabric and, that time, she asked if she could feel it and I said yes. Another time, I was telling her that a friend of mine made the comment that I had "big hands" so I pressed my hand against T's to see if my hand was bigger than hers (it wasn't; they were the same size). Another time, I was showing T a scar on my stomach from a recent surgery becuase I was concerned it wasn't healing, so she took a look at it and touched it to see if it was "raised," which it was. I'm really glad she did that, because she recommended I go back to the doctor and, as it turned out, I needed medical intervention.

I feel extremely comfortable with my T, both emotionally and physically. There is no romantic desire on either end, so I know that any touch that occurs is platonic. When she hugs me, it feels maternal, protective, and safe. It's something I haven't had a lot of in my life, so I really appreciate that I can have that with my T. She's also about the least creepy person ever, so it would never, ever feel inappropriate. (She's sort of a nerdy mom type). And with things like touching the fabric on my boots/clothes, I like it because it's a compliment that she likes my sense of style and it's something my friends do in RL, too. It's kind of a "girl" thing. It also made me feel better to see that my hands were the same size as my T's after my friend told me I had "big" hands even though I'm petite. As my T said, I have long fingers, but my hands are delicate and feminine. Overall, by showing me that she feels comfortable with me around touch, my T makes me feel accepted. She makes me feel like my hugs are wanted and that receiving my affection is a privilege (and that others should feel that way, too). It feels good to have that sense of comfort and safety with each other.

[BonnieJean]

I'm also the one who first initiated touch. For months it was a hand shake at the end of the session until one day I asked if I could give her a hug and she said 'sure!' We hug at the end of every session now unless I don't feel up to it - like if we're disconnected. I'm the one who says no hug today. Other than that it is pretty much unspoken and has been going on over a year.

[healed84]

So far neither of us.. I think right now, I am ok with that. We have never talked about, but he knows I have issues with touch.. So, I suppose there is no reason to talk about it.