Tuesday morning is my first T appointment after my nine-week break. I feel a weird mixture of things: like somebody said in another thread, it's been so long that it almost feels like the first appt all over again (espcially since I'd only started seeing him - I had four appointments, I think, before his holiday started.) So there's the anxiety about a new T and a new situation and not knowing how to act in the therapy room or how to say things. (I'm not even sure which language we'll speak, but I guess that will be sorted out very quickly in the first appointment.) I'm also worried about what to say, what I ought to bring up first (or at all). I have made a little list of topics (which would none of them be missed) - I have about 20 items on the list ranging from really specific ones to really general ones, and I don't know which of them (if any) are important enough for me to bring up without prompting. Actually, that is a lie. I do know that some of them are absolutely central. But how to bring them up is another question. (No, I'm not going to hand him the list.) Maybe I should start with how I've been feeling over the summer and what the long break did to me - but I really don't want to be confrontational. Why is this so hard?

So a lot of nervousness. But also a lot of positive anticipation. In those few appointments I had with this T I felt something like a real connection with him, and he seemed to understand what I said. That's something I haven't felt with previous Ts I have seen, at least not to the same extent. I feel fairly certain that he wouldn't be as dismissive and invalidating as I felt exT to be (which was mostly cause I failed to communicate with her, but still)

I'm also worried that if therapy works better this time around, I will get worse before I get better. I mean, that's only to be expected. And I'm not sure how I will be able to handle that, or how I'll handle any "T hangovers" if they appear.

I'm very pleased that I now have a set time every week for my T appointments. Having to schedule a time for the next week, each week, didn't work so well for me because of the way my work schedule works; having a set time means I can block off that time in my work calendar for the whole autumn. Besides I think it's good for me, mentally, to know that Tuesday mornings are T time (pun not intended ).

I have been reading some of my old threads and realised that it's actually quite good for me to do that, in order to discover what I was thinking and feeling back in March, and April, and May... so I allowed myself to ramble on here because maybe it will be good for me to go back later and see what I was thinking in August.

If anybody would like to pocket ride on Tuesday morning - it will be the middle of the night in the US, I'm afraid - I would welcome that.

[critterlady]

Apt, I'm usually awake in the middle of the night, so I'll be happy to ride along. I may bring my pillow, though.

I do hope it goes well. I'm sure your T is accustomed to all the feelings clients go through when he's on a long break. I doubt anything you can say about it would be a surprise to him.

[granite1]

wow apt that was a long break no wonder you are nervous. if you felt a bit of a connection with him before he left i bet it will be there again just give it some time.thinking of you and wishing it all goes ok.

You know I'm in!

[Chopin99]

9 weeks is a very long break. Even though I've been in therapy a while with current T, I'd feel like she was a stranger.

I'm in your pocket though. Might be taking a snooze, but if you need me, poke me.

[stopdog]

The therapist I see and I had an 8 week break (her vacation combined with me cancelling). It was a bit wary the first couple of appointments back.
Good luck with it Apt.

[unaluna]

I'm so happy and excited for you! T and I also have a language issue we greet each other in french and spanish, throw in some italian and yiddish during the session which is mostly in english, then he'll say goodbye to the "swedish girl". count me in tuesday

I'm in on Tuesday... What time, I'll set my alarm. I think your 7 hours ahead of me. It will be,like riding a bike, you'll be a little rusty at first, but pretty soon you'll be poppin wheelies and riding with no hands. Be direct , no one said therapy has to follow a certain pattern or flow. After the initial re get to know ya phase, start to tackle that list. These things have a way of working themselves out, don't stress it's your session.

[WikidPissah]

I'm in. With a pillow of course. You'll get back into a rhythm, it may take a couple of appointments though, so give yourself some slack.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I'm in on Tuesday... What time, I'll set my alarm. I think your 7 hours ahead of me.

I just looked at a time zone converter - it's 3:50 am Eastern... don't set your alarm, I appreciate the thought immensely but you need your sleep

[Bill3]

I will be a pocket rider!

Minus an hour now. I'm catching a bus in 15 minutes. I know what I'll say at the beginning of the session--that's the important thing, not freezing up from the start, I think. As long as I don't sit unable to talk from the very beginning I'll be able to manage, I think. I think. I hope you are all comfortable in the pocket

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

Minus an hour now. I'm catching a bus in 15 minutes. I know what I'll say at the beginning of the session--that's the important thing, not freezing up from the start, I think. As long as I don't sit unable to talk from the very beginning I'll be able to manage, I think. I think. I hope you are all comfortable in the pocket

Good luck! I think you should tell him exactly what you wrote

Thanks, all. I don't think I can write about it. But it went fine. He's really not a small talk/easing into difficult subjects kind of T.

[Bill3]

Yay! Good work, Apteryx!

[karebear1]

OMG! I think if my T really direct with me (especially after not seeing her in so long) it would scare the begeezees outta me. I admire you for going and I admire you for being able to handle such directness!!

[stopdog]

I am very glad to hear it went fine.

[critterlady]

I'm glad it was okay. I thought about you when I woke up in the middle of the night.