[pbutton]

How do you go to session and bring up a book you've decided to read on your own? I have a weird thing where I can't do that. For instance, I couldn't go to T and tell him that I decided to read Courage To Heal or the Emotionally Absent Mother. It would feel presumptuous. Like I've decided that I had a bad mom or CSA or that I'm trying to do T's job for him. I guess I have a fear that T may come back and say that I'm totally on the wrong track and the book does not fit my life. (This is probably my typical thing where I decide that I'm exaggerating my troubles.)

I realize this is all in my head. I'm trying to sort out what my deal is. Any input appreciated.

As it is right now, I read the books, I just don't tell T. This must be an old pattern? What IS this??

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by pbutton

How do you go to session and bring up a book you've decided to read on your own? I have a weird thing where I can't do that. For instance, I couldn't go to T and tell him that I decided to read Courage To Heal or the Emotionally Absent Mother. It would feel presumptuous. Like I've decided that I had a bad mom or CSA or that I'm trying to do T's job for him. I guess I have a fear that T may come back and say that I'm totally on the wrong track and the book does not fit my life. (This is probably my typical thing where I decide that I'm exaggerating my troubles.)

I realize this is all in my head. I'm trying to sort out what my deal is. Any input appreciated.

As it is right now, I read the books, I just don't tell T. This must be an old pattern? What IS this??

Actually I had this SAME exact fear. I had bought a bipolar workbook but I refused to tell T for the longest. I was afraid he was thinking I would be trying to do HIS job or something. Then one day I emailed him and told him I bought a workbook and asked if he wanted to see it. He was like yes!!! Please bring it!!! I brought it to session but didn't take it outta my bag...lol Then he asked to see it, he read through it all session and loved it, and encouraged me to use it. Maybe just bring up you were reading a book and see where it leads ya? I totally understand though.

[franki_j]

Yes I do the same thing! I have read two books: In Session: The Bond b/w Women and their Therapists and Women and Madness, and I would love to mention that I have read them or discuss them or something, but I am too scared she will think I am trying to one up her or something. Especially b/c I am thinking of being a therapist, I don't want her to think "Oh, here is this silly girl thinking she can learn more about therapy than me." Or something like that.

[Silent_tsol]

Originally Posted by pbutton

How do you go to session and bring up a book you've decided to read on your own? I have a weird thing where I can't do that. For instance, I couldn't go to T and tell him that I decided to read Courage To Heal or the Emotionally Absent Mother. It would feel presumptuous. Like I've decided that I had a bad mom or CSA or that I'm trying to do T's job for him. I guess I have a fear that T may come back and say that I'm totally on the wrong track and the book does not fit my life. (This is probably my typical thing where I decide that I'm exaggerating my troubles.)

I realize this is all in my head. I'm trying to sort out what my deal is. Any input appreciated.

As it is right now, I read the books, I just don't tell T. This must be an old pattern? What IS this??

I feel the same way. I have a couple of books but am way too terrified to tell t. Maybe she'd reply with "oh, ya looks like you've got it ask sorted it here" or she'd be insulted that I think she isn't doing good enough (not true).

Yeah, I know what you mean. I felt a bit awkward bringing up the Emotionally Absent Mother book and taking it to session, especially as I wanted her to take a look at it. Luckily she didn't bat an eyelid. T knows I read a lot, but she says it doesn't faze her. I hope she doesn't think I'm trying to 'do her job for her' - I'm just trying to do everything I can to try and get better as quick as I can, and to understand what's going on...

I think your T's would be delighted you are doing some homework and trying to help yourselfs. My T always told me to read some self help books. I think they would be proud of you and the fact that you are afraid of your T's reaction says more about you than them. ((HUgS))) its the ever busy inner voice that says all the begative things.

[Eliza Jane]

FWIW, my T's have always had an extremely positive reaction to such things. I think that they like that you are working on things outside of the time that you are with them. But, I do remember feeling weird about sharing that I was doing outside reading the first time I brought it up.

I also have asked my T's for book rec's. Those have been probably the most helpful books that I have read because they tend to be a good fit with my issues and the work my T does with me.

Best,
EJ

[unaluna]

Women and Madness, isn't that Phyllis C-somebody? That's like a classic in the field now, I read it when it first came out, when she wasn't even famous or popular or anything! Your T will just be in awe of your good taste. Pre-amazon, it might have been weird, but nowadays, ya know, you google something, and your computer practically COMMANDS you to buy the book! heck it downloads it for you. it's not like when the Catholic Church didn't want its members to read and interpret the Bible for themselves - we ARE allowed to read it now, right? Seriously, my T is always interested in what interested me in a book - it gives him more insight into how my tiny little brain works (or doesn't) - helps him help me, always good, right? These little outside influences I think are what kick the doors open in T.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by pbutton

How do you go to session and bring up a book you've decided to read on your own? I have a weird thing where I can't do that. For instance, I couldn't go to T and tell him that I decided to read Courage To Heal or the Emotionally Absent Mother. It would feel presumptuous. Like I've decided that I had a bad mom or CSA or that I'm trying to do T's job for him. I guess I have a fear that T may come back and say that I'm totally on the wrong track and the book does not fit my life. (This is probably my typical thing where I decide that I'm exaggerating my troubles.)

I realize this is all in my head. I'm trying to sort out what my deal is. Any input appreciated.

As it is right now, I read the books, I just don't tell T. This must be an old pattern? What IS this??

Gosh pbutton, I have had the same crazy trepidation! I mean.. to the point of panic over it. I would want soooo badly - like an intensely desperate need - to show my therapist something I'd read, but would have a near panic-attack at the thought of the possible reactions it might cause . I think it's because with my former, 'toxic T' - he really had a very counter-therapeutic reaction to a book I brought that I thought would explain some unique traumas I had experienced. But - he isn't like most therapists. So his reaction doesn't count now. Because, I did ultimately coax myself into sharing things I read with my current therapist, who did not react badly.

Here's a suggestion for leading into it. First, don't bring the book in there. Try to talk about the subject covered in the book that is most important to you. Then, very casually, say "You know, I read something the other day about that that really resonated with me." Say no more, and just let her respond. What you're most likely to hear is a very interested "Tell me about it!" or some such thing. Then, focus on exactly what remark it is in the book that spoke to your situation, and in an equally casual manner, mention the name of the book. As in: "Well... it was talking about therapy.. like when therapists and clients get sideways with each other... and it said "....*whatever*......" It was a book called Such and Such that I noticed at the book store the other day.. it intrigued me so I bought it.. and when I read that thing it really resonated with me. First thing I thought of was how I couldn't wait to tell you about it." See... an approach like that will let her know 1) you think about therapy outside of session (which they like); 2) You saw something that intrigued you; and 3) you are bring it to her to sort through - so you're not trying to turn the book into your new therapist.

Does that sound like it might work?

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by pbutton

How do you go to session and bring up a book you've decided to read on your own? I have a weird thing where I can't do that. For instance, I couldn't go to T and tell him that I decided to read Courage To Heal or the Emotionally Absent Mother. It would feel presumptuous. Like I've decided that I had a bad mom or CSA or that I'm trying to do T's job for him. I guess I have a fear that T may come back and say that I'm totally on the wrong track and the book does not fit my life. (This is probably my typical thing where I decide that I'm exaggerating my troubles.)

I realize this is all in my head. I'm trying to sort out what my deal is. Any input appreciated.

As it is right now, I read the books, I just don't tell T. This must be an old pattern? What IS this??

hi pb hope all is going well with ur new t with t1 i brought books and some were ok she would tell me that i was not ready to read certain books because i was not ready yet and they would trigger me and i wouldnt be in my safe place her office, but down the line she would tell me what to read to help me process some stuff, i dont think ur t will tell u u are wrong or right

I don't understand being afraid to say you are reading a book trying to help yourself. It's your life and I would think your T would be happy. Maybe even excited if T had read that same book. You could then discuss it. We pay to see T for our issues they cannot dictate what we do in our free time no more then we can dictate what they do in theirs. Pbutton I'm surprised at this, where you not allowed to better your self as a child? Were your individual accomplishments not acknowledged or belittled? We're you not to share your interest or show that you were smart?

[autotelica]

I don't read psychological books, but I have the same fear regarding things about what I've read over the internet. And it's not an irrational fear. When a person says, "I read about this on the internet", don't you automatically suspect what they're saying? I know I do.

I've also had first-hand experience of a doctor dismissing what I've learned through independent research. It's embarrassing to be all excited and then be told that you're wrong.

But my therapist is never like this. When I tell her about the discoveries I've made through reading, she always agrees with me--even to the point of citing it as evidence of my intelligence.

Thats funny because i am the same way and thought i was the only one.

I can completely understand what you are feeling and why you are feeling it (especially if you are used to being domineered, devalued or invalidated by people in your life).

And it could prove to be a little awkward if you read a Post-Graduate textbook regarding human cognitive neuropsychology and your T hadn't read it yet; or some thoroughly dry clinical review in JAMA and went on to discuss its findings with your T... and your T had no clue what you were talking about ....

...however, even in those cases, I should think that your T would be thrilled to know you were doing side-work! To me, it shows you are working hard and are invested in your treatment, proactive and engaged That's a good thing!

Rose

[trdleblue]

Recently my T gave me a list of books that I might find useful, and for whatever reason I wasn't able to tell him that I already bought one a couple of weeks before. I really have no idea why I couldn't let him know.

[pbutton]

I am amazed that so many of you feel or have felt the same way. I really thought I was posting some crazy stupid thing & everyone would scratch their heads & wonder what the hell was wrong with me. I'm mostly shocked right now. Wow.

We should start a thread. Something like "I bet I'm the only one that blah blah" and then everyone could post and say "Nope, me too!"

Do it Pbutton!

[pbutton]

I think it's kind of a fear that I'm not doing therapy right. If I was supposed to be reading a book, he'd tell me to read a book. I also have a really strong tendency to doubt that anything is wrong with me. (As in - no CSA, no anxiety, no panic attacks, no dysfunctional family, I'm just a big whiny complainer who can't suck it up and handle regular life.)

As far as my childhood goes, I was allowed to read whatever I wanted. I taught myself to read and by the time they figured out I was actually reading, I could read sentences from the newspaper and parts of my mom's romance novel. I remember being asked to read for the adults and everyone exclaiming and I was terrified because I didn't understand why they were making so much noise. I remember the house we lived in at the time, so I was either 3 or 4. It's one of the few childhood things I remember, although once I post this I will feel like I am making it up. At any rate, I was totally allowed to be smart, no one really cared & they pretty much just expected it.

I must do a good job of expressing how much I think about therapy because T1 told me that one of his favorite things about me is that he knew he could give me an idea and I would consider it and think about what he said, even if I thought he was stupider than hell for suggesting it. He also once said he liked my emails because he could tell how much thought I was putting into whatever happened in my prior session.

I need to read all these posts again. I'm still in shock. I appreciate all of the feedback, questions, and ideas.

Originally Posted by pbutton

I am amazed that so many of you feel or have felt the same way. I really thought I was posting some crazy stupid thing & everyone would scratch their heads & wonder what the hell was wrong with me. I'm mostly shocked right now. Wow.

We should start a thread. Something like "I bet I'm the only one that blah blah" and then everyone could post and say "Nope, me too!"

I love that idea, ((((P))))! "I bet I'm the only one that..."

[franki_j]

Originally Posted by hankster

Women and Madness, isn't that Phyllis C-somebody? That's like a classic in the field now, I read it when it first came out, when she wasn't even famous or popular or anything! Your T will just be in awe of your good taste. Pre-amazon, it might have been weird, but nowadays, ya know, you google something, and your computer practically COMMANDS you to buy the book! heck it downloads it for you. it's not like when the Catholic Church didn't want its members to read and interpret the Bible for themselves - we ARE allowed to read it now, right? Seriously, my T is always interested in what interested me in a book - it gives him more insight into how my tiny little brain works (or doesn't) - helps him help me, always good, right? These little outside influences I think are what kick the doors open in T.

Yes! Phyllis Chesler. Actually I am about 3/4 of the way through, but this bed bug madness has stalled my reading. It is pretty critical of the mental health field's approach towards women, but from reading my T's dissertation, she specifically quotes some feminist psychologists, so I think that maybe she would think it was pretty cool I am reading it...still too scared to bring it up though

Shoot, I even had trouble telling my T that I had bought HIS book. I read a bunch of books without mentioning them to him. I finally mentioned the Emotionally Absent Mother briefly. And last session, I mentioned that I had gotten the Courage to Heal book and workbook, but felt like a failure at it. T did ask him why I bought them. I told him they came highly recommended. He said he KNEW they were highly recommended but wondered what my reasoning was for purchasing them. I had to admit to him it was because I felt like I wasn't progressing fast enough in therapy. That I am a giant whiny loser who should be able to get over it already and I was ready to just be normal. He thought all of those things were therapeutic issues. [I hate him as much as I love him sometimes.]

[stopdog]

I handed the therapist the list of books I read during the first 3-4 months and asked if I was missing an area of psychotherapy I had missed. I don't think she knew any of them.