[Fixated]

I've woken up this morning (after having to take something to help me sleep) and my heart still feels bruised. I thought I was moving so close to a secure attachment with T. I was on the verge of talking more about the yucky, embarrassing things...more about how needy I feel with regard to her sometimes. I know I should probably not think of that work as gone, but it was almost all exclusively built on/from the assumption that T did something above and beyond by offering email.

How come when it rains, it pours? This is seriously one of the worst weeks of my life. I wish therapy hadn't fallen apart like this at the same time my grandmom is in the ICU and I started grad school/job. I feel so overwhelmed.

How long does it take for secure attachment? I don't see how it can ever be close to reality again.

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm sorry things feel so hopeless right now.....but this could very well be an important discovery for you, something worth exploring. Of course, at the moment, it just feels awful. (( HUGS ))

Unfortunately, I have no idea how long it takes to develop a secure, healthy attachment as I'm not quite sure I know what that looks like. I've been with my T for 3-1/2 years - and there were times when I was very attached, and times (like now) when I'm not. Of course, it's different for everybody - but I'd imagine it takes time.

One thing that's important is that T's are human and they will let us down. My T told me before that I will feel hurt by some things that he says or does - but the important thing is that he is not intentionally trying to be malicious towards me. The very nature of relationships includes times of feeling let down and disappointed...and this is no different.