"So, how old do you feel?", asks T

I know there have been threads about exploring how old we feel when we've possibly regressed into some kind of child-like emotion, but I'm still stumped by this question.

My T has asked me this a few times and I always answer, "I don't know."

I don't want to take time in session to analyze why she asks such a question and its benefit or effectiveness but I thought I'd ask you wise folks here on PC.

How does a person know what age an emotion feels like? I mean, really, do we at 5 years old take note of what a 5 year old typically feels?

How in the world does a person zero in on an age that an emotion feels like?

The whole question stumps me. And, in fact, the question pulls me quickly away from the emotion I'm experiencing at that moment. The question T asks feels intrusive and ineffective and of very questionable value.

Even if I were able to answer her question, it seems like it interrupts the 'being with the experience.'

So, my question is twofold: How can one pinpoint the age one feels when an obvious regressed emotion is appearing?

And, how is such a question (or answer) useful?

I can kind of understand the questions.. T says sometimes the emotions I portray are those of me at 10yrs old girl.. When a trauma happend to me and I didn't know how to emotionally process it.

So- for example I have this lingering fear that if I told T about the trauma he would leave, go away, etc. Well, that is the feeling I had after my trauma. That if I told somebody they would not want to be with me.

I suppose it is helpful to realize in my circumstance that, that is what a 10 year old thinks. That fear, anxiety, and tears that come with the thought of T leaving me.. is unfounded and that is how I need to work on not panicking when that thought comes around. I am not sure if I made any sense or not.. or answered your question right, lol.

I think you nailed it. My T has never asked this question, and it's probably because there is no one specific occurrence of abuse. My problem is emotional abuse that occurred all throughout my childhood, so there's not one particular age where I developed certain responses.

Skysblue, is there a certain age that something traumatic occurred in your life? Is this what your T is trying to uncover?

I have very little memory of my childhood. I don't think there was physical abuse but maybe emotional abandonment. She and I both understand that I have deep fears and somehow or another they stem from childhood but I don't know exactly how.

My T says, "You are every age you have ever been."

So, why do some T's ask the question, 'how old do you feel?"

Maybe it's a technique to uncover some memories? Like if when she asked how old you feel, you said something like "Around 6, because I remember feeling this way when I started first grade" and then that might lead to other memories around that time? IDK, I guess I can't help with this, except to say that I don't remember much about my childhood either. I'm using other ways to try to remember. It ain't easy, nor pleasant to go back there....

i'm really surprised my T has never asked me that, because of the sand play when I do that. I'm usually skipping around the room like a 10 year old. Maybe it's just that obvious and she doesn't have to ask?

hmmm, I wonder if that is what it is. I think I'm going to have to take some of my precious session time and ask T the motive. And if I remembered something from past, I wonder how that will help. I've read here that many people have strong and stark memories but that those memories don't necessarily lead directly to healing.

My therapist has never asked me this question, and I am glad because I wouldn't be able to answer it either.

But she once, out of the blue, she told me how "old" she thinks I am emotionally. I didn't think to ask about the rubric she used to come up with that figure, and I didn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about it afterwards. It was just one of those things I let wash over me. All that kind of stuff is "woo-woo" to me. I don't like woo-woo.

I don't know; my experience in T is of jumping all over the place age wise and that being asked that question unless it was really seen as necessary at that moment (for unknown reasons) would interrupt the flow. I think you might benefit from taking the time out in session to ask this one sky

Once my T told me I was acting like a belligerent teenager. Is belligerence from a teenager different than belligerence from an adult?

that one really stuck with you didn't it

not sure on the answer ... i don't know why an adult couldn't have behaved in the same way in that situation

"woo-woo" - is that like new-agey?

If a person does not have a clear memory of a traumatic event at a particular age, is it still possible to know what 'age' a feeling feels like? Or maybe I'm not being clear - when an emotion that is clearly coming from a childhood place, is it possible to identify the age one feels like if an event/s is not remembered?

Age can be all over the place
As in even if you experienced an event at eight you may have felt three at the time so now feeling it you could feel it as the three year old rather than eight ... so it isn't going to be an absolute indicator
Can you say you feel child like without having it precise?

I'm not even sure what feeling 'childlike' is supposed to mean. Are the emotions felt different? In what way? If I'm feeling emotions at all, does that mean I'm being child-like? I choose not to believe that because it diminishes the importance of emotions as part of our human experience.

I still don't get how we're supposed to know or what it means that we 'feel' a certain age.