T said something yesterday

ECHOES · Sep 02, 2012 at 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by button30

T said that I couldn't hurt her and that nobody could hurt her. People could say something to try and upset her but that it was her choice in how she reacted.
At first I was kind of like, what an odd thing to say to someone who wasn't trying to hurt her in the first place.

She is reassuring you that you don't need to worry about her, that you are free to say anything and she can deal with it, that she is sturdy and not breakable. She is strong and secure.

Perhaps she just offered this, or perhaps she sensed you holding something back and wanted you to feel free to say whatever comes to mind.

.

Sep 02, 2012 at 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

How did I hurt my T? Well, I am a bit ashamed to say, but...
A few years back, I was sharing a letter with my T - it was a letter I had written to her in my journal in which I said that I "hated" her for something she had said. My T did not reply to that part of the letter. It was not until I was talking to her about the issue and said, "You know, I don't really hate you and I wish I had not written that" that I saw tears well up in her eyes and I heard her say, "I'm glad you don't hate me." I felt awful and told her that I had not meant to hurt her feelings. She told me that she was human and that her feelings had been hurt but that she was really glad we could both talk about it. I guess that for me, being able to talk about it honestly was the best part.

Oh I am so sorry that must have hurt. She should be used to clients taking their anger out on her, she must have liked you to react like this. Glad you sorted it out though.

Sep 02, 2012 at 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ECHOES

She is reassuring you that you don't need to worry about her, that you are free to say anything and she can deal with it, that she is sturdy and not breakable. She is strong and secure.

Perhaps she just offered this, or perhaps she sensed you holding something back and wanted you to feel free to say whatever comes to mind.

.

Thank you Echoes, I hope this was her reasoning but I percieved it as being mean and heartless. Perhaps I misinterpreted the situation.

Sep 02, 2012 at 02:56 PM

The reality IMO is that ALL people can be hurt, their reactions can be controlled to not show they are being hurt, but I don't think people have a choice in the matter, it just happens. As far as the GF saying what she did, those who protest the loudest are usually the ones who are truly effected. Maybe she just said you couldn't hurt her to convince herself or keep you from seeing it.

Sep 02, 2012 at 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

The reality IMO is that ALL people can be hurt, their reactions can be controlled to not show they are being hurt, but I don't think people have a choice in the matter, it just happens. As far as the GF saying what she did, those who protest the loudest are usually the ones who are truly effected. Maybe she just said you couldn't hurt her to convince herself or keep you from seeing it.

Thats exactly why she said it Lola because she was trying to convince herself and plus she had a really nasty streak and knew when she would say things like that I would cry for days on end because it felt like she didn't care about me and she didn't, so T saying that brought back lots of memories

Sep 02, 2012 at 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by button30

Thats exactly why she said it Lola because she was trying to convince herself and plus she had a really nasty streak and knew when she would say things like that I would cry for days on end because it felt like she didn't care about me and she didn't, so T saying that brought back lots of memories

But you know the 2 are unrelated... Coincidence ... There are plenty of women and men in the sea. Don't waste one more minute of your life worrying about what could have been with someone who was afraid or not vested. Love will always find you when you aren't looking... Man or woman, you'll find the right one. If any new relationships start to feel like old patterns, that's your key to bail. Life is short.

Sep 02, 2012 at 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

But you know the 2 are unrelated... Coincidence ... There are plenty of women and men in the sea. Don't waste one more minute of your life worrying about what could have been with someone who was afraid or not vested. Love will always find you when you aren't looking... Man or woman, you'll find the right one. If any new relationships start to feel like old patterns, that's your key to bail. Life is short.

I am starting to see the red flags that I never seen before but I still end up attracing stalkers all the time lol, these women I attract really need help.

Sep 02, 2012 at 03:55 PM

First sign of messy and they are out...

stopdog · Sep 02, 2012 at 03:59 PM

The one I see keeps insisting I can hurt her.

Sep 02, 2012 at 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

First sign of messy and they are out...

From now on anyway, first sign of unstable or stalker tendancies and they are gone.

Sep 02, 2012 at 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

The one I see keeps insisting I can hurt her.

BS you can, and if she knew you better she would quit putting out that challenge.

Sep 02, 2012 at 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

The one I see keeps insisting I can hurt her.

Did you ask her why she keeps sayiong that, has she been hurt before Stopdog?

stopdog · Sep 02, 2012 at 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

BS you can, and if she knew you better she would quit putting out that challenge.

What does BS mean in this context? I am the one who keeps insisting clients can't hurt therapists.

Quote:

Originally Posted by button30

Did you ask her why she keeps sayiong that, has she been hurt before Stopdog?

I have no idea if she has been hurt before. It is usually said in response to me saying I know I cannot hurt her.

Sep 02, 2012 at 04:08 PM

Its like she is inviting you to hurt her, so she can say see I told you so

stopdog · Sep 02, 2012 at 04:10 PM

I want to tell her to butch up.

Sep 02, 2012 at 04:16 PM

Stopdog...I think clients can hurt therapist , they are human too..

And butch up, is not an appropriate saying for a straight therapist, nor is it helping you get in touch with feelings... Butch down

stopdog · Sep 02, 2012 at 04:31 PM

The therapist needs to butch up if she can be hurt by the likes of me. I stand by that. They are supposed to not take the client personally and need to detach from the client. The therapist's hurt is not my problem.
Maybe OP and I need to trade.

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anonymous112713 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 02, 2012 at 03:55 PM #28 First sign of messy and they are out...
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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,847 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Sep 02, 2012 at 03:59 PM #29 The one I see keeps insisting I can hurt her.
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Anonymous32765 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 02, 2012 at 04:08 PM #34 Its like she is inviting you to hurt her, so she can say see I told you so
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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,847 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Sep 02, 2012 at 04:10 PM #35 I want to tell her to butch up.
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anonymous112713 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 02, 2012 at 04:16 PM #36 Stopdog...I think clients can hurt therapist , they are human too.. And butch up, is not an appropriate saying for a straight therapist, nor is it helping you get in touch with feelings... Butch down
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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,847 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Sep 02, 2012 at 04:31 PM #37 The therapist needs to butch up if she can be hurt by the likes of me. I stand by that. They are supposed to not take the client personally and need to detach from the client. The therapist's hurt is not my problem. Maybe OP and I need to trade.
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