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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:16 PM
#1
T said that I couldn't hurt her and that nobody could hurt her. People could say something to try and upset her but that it was her choice in how she reacted.
At first I was kind of like, what an odd thing to say to someone who wasn't trying to hurt her in the first place. |
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 SoupDragon
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Carpe Diem
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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:16 PM
#2
Button yeah that does seem odd. Are you going to ask what she meant by that?
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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:17 PM
#3
Were you talking about people hurting you? Was she trying to tell you that you can choose how to respond?
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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:19 PM
#4
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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:20 PM
#5
Was it in connection with your ex hurting you?
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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:20 PM
#6
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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:21 PM
#7
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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:34 PM
#8
I once told my therapist that I didn't feel important to anyone. Being a therapist, she said, "Not even me?"
And I said, "No. I know that I can't do anything to hurt you. That means I'm really not that important." I don't know where these words came from. I had never expressed them before, and I have absolutely no intention of hurting her. I think what I was trying to say was that I didn't feel like our relationship is really *real*, since I know I can't influence her emotions--including hurt and anger. But the words didn't come out like this. In response, my therapist said, "Of course, you can't hurt me! But that doesn't mean you aren't important. My own children can't hurt me! They can make me angry, but they can't hurt me. And they are important to me." I don't understand the difference between anger and hurt. I don't think there is a difference. But her words sound eerily similar to what your therapist said. They must have learned that in school or something. 
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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:40 PM
#9
Thanks autotellica, it must be the first thing they learned in therapy school! The words hurt though, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that it makes the relationship seen not real or fake and thus it gives them a bigger ego!
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Aug 31, 2012 at 07:55 PM
#10
Hmmm... I do think you can hurt someone's feelings or be hurt. I hurt my T's feelings once - I know this because she told me that her feelings had been hurt. I was not happy that I had done this but was glad that she was honest because it gave us a chance to talk about it and it allowed me to see that she was human too.
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anilam, Miswimmy1
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Sep 01, 2012 at 12:38 AM
#11
hmm ...
so you can't hurt, nobody can hurt her but somebody (your ex; your mother) can hurt you ... just seems odd still what she tells you __________________ |
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Sep 01, 2012 at 01:29 AM
#12
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Sep 01, 2012 at 01:36 AM
#13
Butterfly, how did you hurt her feelings?
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Sep 01, 2012 at 01:42 AM
#14
Tiger girl, I do find the things she says odd too! I mean sometimes I feel as though we are two friends having a chat rather than t and client! She isn't that old and is always saying, oh I like your top, bag, etc.. Where as old t was just very professional and never made small talk or ever mentioned anything about herself or her feelings! I guess it's a sore subject for me because once during a heated argument, my ex said I meant nothing to her and I could never hurt her, t didn't know this but it brought back lots of feelings for me! I just wish she hadn't said it cos now I am starting to not like her!
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Sep 01, 2012 at 01:44 AM
#15
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Sep 01, 2012 at 01:49 AM
#16
So what happens in two weeks when you finish with this one? You mentioned you have another t as well ?
Can you tell this one her comment bought things back for you? __________________ |
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Sep 01, 2012 at 01:55 AM
#17
GI don't think I can, I am wanting to not go back to her now! I even didn't make another appt because I don't think I can go back! I do have the other one but only for another 3 sessions and I really like her, she is my favourite T So far! She is much older and is so kind and good at her job! I feel like this younger t does not care, she will let me sit there in quiet and not ask what's going on or am I ok, bye last time she said it's up to me how I use my time!
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Grand Poohbah
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Sep 01, 2012 at 03:18 AM
#18
I don't buy the no one can hurt me part- seems childish (my personal experience with this defense mechanism). Once you'll get close to someone you're risking the possibility that they can hurt you. Only ppl with no real human connection can't be hurt - still risking the possibility of being hurt physically and emotionally by strangers though. So yes ppl can and do hurt you (and you sometimes hurt them) but if you're strong enough you can overcome it.
Ideally I think clients are not supposed to be able to hurt their T- but it does happen and depends on the T how he/she handles it. Frankly, I don't see how saying this could be beneficial for you- cause you obviously got hurt and this might be implying that you let it happen (i.e. let ppl hurt you).
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Sep 01, 2012 at 06:40 AM
#19
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Sep 02, 2012 at 10:44 AM
#20
How did I hurt my T? Well, I am a bit ashamed to say, but...
A few years back, I was sharing a letter with my T - it was a letter I had written to her in my journal in which I said that I "hated" her for something she had said. My T did not reply to that part of the letter. It was not until I was talking to her about the issue and said, "You know, I don't really hate you and I wish I had not written that" that I saw tears well up in her eyes and I heard her say, "I'm glad you don't hate me." I felt awful and told her that I had not meant to hurt her feelings. She told me that she was human and that her feelings had been hurt but that she was really glad we could both talk about it. I guess that for me, being able to talk about it honestly was the best part. |
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