How do you handle CSA discussions and the aftermath?

Trigger Warning for CSA related discussion.





I was wondering how....

• how you've brought up any CSA history
• how you've managed to spit out details despite feelings of shame, humiliation, and a fear of not being believed
• how you deal with the triggers that come up after you've brought CSA into the session
• how do you deal with CSA related nightmares

Thanks for any experience stories you can share.

You might get some more answers if you post this in surviors of abuse board as well. I will try to answer as best as possible.. I am still in the middle of disclosing stuff to my T.

- I was not the one who orginally brought up abuse (in my case rape) after coming in for a "emergency sessions" he finally just flat out asked me and I gave it. At that time I could not talk about it, but heknew.

-Last week was when I first shared the details of what happend. I wrote it down, and read it to him. That was good, b/c then I didnt' have to look at him.. just stared at the paper. Then I found after I had read it too him, when he was asking me some questions concerning it all.. I found it was easy to talk to him.

-how to deal with triggers and nightmares? that is what I am dealing with right now. I am not very good at it. I have been e-mailing T about it. Dreams usually cause a panic attack, but after the panic is over I am good.

TRIGGER

• how you've brought up any CSA history I think I said something like, "things were rough" and T asked if I was abused, and I said yes, and he asked if it was physical, verbal, sexual , and I just said YES.
• how you've managed to spit out details despite feelings of shame, humiliation, and a fear of not being believed I have given bits and pieces, but never details. I won't do details.
• how you deal with the triggers that come up after you've brought CSA into the session I have written a lot, emails to t and in my journal. I try to keep myself accountable by not hiding or going off by myself. It is very hard though.
• how do you deal with CSA related nightmares I have no idea, but if you figure it out will you tell me?

Sometimes the nightmares feel like the worst part because you want to escape into sleep, but then end of feeling so traumatized when you wake up from the CSA nightmares.....it's terrible.

Triggers are also hard, b/c I have been in a recent work situation that triggered so many things for me. I couldn't tell anyone about it, obviously, so it looked like I was incompetent

I call them night terrors...because I have no recollection of dreaming. But I wake up with a scream in a panic and sweating.

((( HUGS )))

Granite started a thread not too long ago about this very thing....it would be a good read. I posted some info about how I disclosed to my T.

About the nightmares/flashbacks, I haven't found a successful way to prevent them...and it's very difficult to get grounded when you're sleeping...especially since sleeping is a very vulnerable act. *sigh*

Hopefully, by working through the trauma, the nightmares/flashbacks will lessen as we will be able to make some meaning of it and perhaps have a different view....I haven't gotten that far yet.

The CSA I disclosed in first meeting. But not details. I tell her if I feel like hurting myself and we do something else like hit pillows. The nightmares/panic attacks- I don't know. still dealing with it, haven't figured it out yet, but it's all aggravated by a recent assault. The nightmares are the most horrible part bc you can never get away from them. I get so panicked in my sleep I wake up drenched in sweat and sometimes screaming. Talking in therapy is making them so much worse.

When I disclosed my abuse, T kept me going every time I paused by saying, "what else." He wan't' asking, really--just opening the door for me to say more. It was a huge help--I felt like I could say everything I was so sick of hiding. He was going to listen to everything I dumped out until I was done.

I admitted the abuse (mine wasn't sexual actually) in one gross, ashamed, session. I followed it up for weeks and months with specifics.

It breaks my heart wotchermuggle that this is something that you have to work through (HUGS). There was a post on PC, I'm sorry I can't remember which post it was, but it was about 20 seconds of courage (or something to that affect). If you trust your T try for 20 seconds of courage and maybe something simple like 'something happened in my childhood'. Chances are your T already knows and is just waiting for you to open the door. Your T will gently help you walk through that door.

Hope it helps.

Not sure if I have already written this but...
My T used to run the support group I was in so I disclosed during my initial intake. She is now my individual T and it has taken me years to work through the sexual trauma. Sometimes I will say, "I want to tell you something but it feels really hard to share." I still get triggered in session but am able to use different strategies to help myself - the dissociation is not easy to come out of so I try to connect in some way with my T. You are very brave - this is hard work and I am proud that you are sticking it out!

My T does know about it, but I was just wondering how others have approached the situation and how everyone else deals with the side effects of the exposure of disclosure.

Thank you for all your replies so far. It's nice to know I'm not alone in these experiences.

There weren't really "side effects of exposure" with me for my current T, bc she has a similar background so I felt safe telling her.

With previous T's it was awful. I had one ask me if the reason I hadn't told was bc I liked it. I had another ask me about my diagnosis and then say "oh so you were sexually abused for a number of years, then" Like a statement of fact when I hadn't even told him that. Apparently my "conglomeration of symptoms" is commonly found in abuse survivors and it was ok for him to say it like that since it was so obvious.

Usually when T's find out i feel sick and want to take it back.

But with current T....none of that. I didn't feel exposed bc she knew what it was like first hand.

You're lucky.

how you've brought up any CSA history
My t is a trauma/DID specialist so just me showing up in her office was a big clue,and although i dont remember the first time we talked about it i am sure she asked something about it, she says we have got every imaginable sign and symptom of an abused child/ person

how you've managed to spit out details despite feelings of shame, humiliation, and a fear of not being believed
Mostly we chicken out. Having DID, there are about 20 of us inside. Someone starts telling the yucky story, it gets too hard for one, someone else who is temporarily brave comes out to tell more, then gets too scared/embarassed/ humiliated and goes inside, anotherperson comes out to say more, etc.

how you deal with the triggers that come up after you've brought CSA into the session
We dissociate a lot. We email t, text her, we zone out, we switch all day long

how do you deal with CSA related nightmares
We wake up a lot during the night, sometimes screaming and crying. We take sleepingpills to help us sleep.

how you've brought up any CSA history
I told him that I was abused, but without any details, in my 3rd session with him. When I started therapy with him, it was with the specific intent of dealing with the effects of it, so I knew I'd have to tell him fairly early on.

how you've managed to spit out details despite feelings of shame, humiliation, and a fear of not being believed
By the time I shared any details with him, I didn't have a fear of not being believed. I'd shared enough other things with him to know that he takes anything I say seriously and he never dismisses my feelings. As for the shame and humiliation, we had talked about those feelings before I talked about the details of what happened. When it came time to actually disclose those details, I just took deep breaths and pushed through the feelings. I kept thinking that I only had to brave for a few seconds - long enough to speak the unspeakable.

how you deal with the triggers that come up after you've brought CSA into the session
The only triggers I've had since I disclosed the details of my abuse are occasional feelings of panic that someone else now knows what happened. My abuser died a few years ago, so until I told T, I was the only person on the planet that knew what happened. It's freaked me out a few times that he knows. T and I have talked about that a lot. He believes it comes from the shame and my general unwillingness to really trust others. It's gotten better the more we've talked about it, though.

The triggers I used to have about the CSA itself have practically disappeared since I disclosed the details. I think in the last year (I just told him a couple of months ago), my triggers were mostly from the thought of having to talk about it than they were from the trauma of the abuse itself, if that makes any sense.

how do you deal with CSA related nightmares
I've been very fortunate that I don't have CSA-related nightmares, at least that I remember when I wake up.

I wish you peace and strength in dealing with your CSA.

There was no easy way to handle this. And it continues to be difficult 9yrs on in therapy for me. Sometimes I leave the subject hoping that if the rest of me heals I can handle this alone.

I have problems with a lot of these things, but no solutions.

Do you think you can heal on your own in relation to CSA?