[MAL10]

I'm getting married in a couple of months and feel that i want to invite my T (only to the ceremony) - the marriage wouldn't be going ahead if it wasn't for his guidance and our work together over the last 1.5yrs.

Would i be crossing a line by inviting him?

[Eliza Jane]

I think a lot of T's wouldn't be willing to go. However, I don't know if that is a good reason not to ask. You could ask and even if he is unwilling to attend, the gesture might be meaningful to him. (As long as you won't be too hurt if he says no). Alternatively, you could write him a nice card reflecting on how much he has done to get you to this day.

Congrats,
EJ

[anilam]

I think it's a nice gesture- I think my T would appreciate it. However, you should be prepared for a negative answer.

[AngelWolf3]

agreed. Worst he could say is no (cliche, I know...) but again, be prepared in the event he declines. I like the EJ's idea of a card....

Congratulations!

[tooski]

I think he would appreciate the gesture too. You can say that you don't know if it's appropriate and will understand if he doesn't actually attend, but that you wanted him to know that he's welcome and played a big part in it actually happening. And congratulations to you!

[junkDNA]

this seems, to me, like a realy weird boundary breaking idea

Depends on your relationship with T. What I have discovered is that not all boundaries are the same for all people. If you can take a "no" and realize its not personal i say go for it.

[murray]

I agree that as long as you are able to handle it if T says no, then I think it is a nice idea. I would suspect that even if the answer is no, that the T would be so honored and touched by the thought.

[peridot28]

For me, I wouldn't have any problems asking. But, my therapist has come to things I've done in the past, so it's never been a second thought to me that it is a negative thing to ask her to come to something. In fact, at the end of the month she is coming to hear me sing at an event.

I always plan on extending an invitation to her to things I'm doing, but most of the time she tells me she'd love to come support me in things I'm participating in before I even ask if she would like to come. I'm always astounded that she would want to come. She'll say, "Well, of course I want to come."

If I ever were to get married my therapist agrees with me that she would be one of my "moms" that walks down the aisle. My mom is evil, so I have several women in my life who stand-in as moms for me, and my therapist is one of those women. So, I would have not only one mom, but several moms escorted down the aisle IF I were to ever get married. I have a horrific abuse history, so me getting married would be the event of the century and quite a miracle.

I think it depends on your therapist if they decide to go or not. I'd encourage you to ask even if it is just an acknowledgment of your appreciation for him getting you to this point. If he says no it will still be okay, not because it's personal, but just one of his boundaries he has.

[junkDNA]

i guess i think of it this way-

would a T invite you to their wedding?

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by MAL10

I'm getting married in a couple of months and feel that i want to invite my T (only to the ceremony) - the marriage wouldn't be going ahead if it wasn't for his guidance and our work together over the last 1.5yrs.

Would i be crossing a line by inviting him?

I don't think you would be crossing a line by inviting him since he has the responsibility to set his own boundaries. I guess I am different than some on here, we all have different relationships with our therapists, but I would never want my xtherapist to come to any event of mine like a wedding or anything. What if he drinks too much and ends up singing karaoke or something, lol, what if he starts flirting with the bridesmaids, what if he cries, 'sobbingly' and loudly, through your wedding vows, and do you really want to see your therapist dancing? Not me. Nope, not me. Talk about an idealization-crasher! hahaha

Seriously, though, it is between you and your therapist. Like others said, prepare for him to tell you no.

[delicatefade26]

It never hurts to ask (it may hurt a little if they say no) but if done in the right way it would be okay-I'm sure your T would be honored to be invited and it's really up to how they view boundaries-I've heard of T's going to the ceremony just not the reception.
I've totally thought if I get married-I will definitely be inviting my T-and I'm almost positive he would come to the ceremony!
Congrats!!

When I sent out wedding invitations oh so many moons ago, I did send an invitation to my old T, my old pdoc, and the T that both my husband and I had seen when we didn't even know each other at the time (small world, particularly since that was in Houston). We didn't expect them to actually attend. Heck, we didn't really even expect any kind of response, but we DID want to share that we were happy, we'd found each other, and we were moving into a new period in our lives. The invitation was really more of an announcement in that sense than an actual invitation in our minds. We actually received really nice response letters from all three simply congratulating us on our upcoming marriage and letting us know how nice it was to hear the news. That was really more than we expected; we simply wanted to share our news with them.

[MAL10]

Thank you for all the responses, we have a very good relationship with no transferance or boundary issues (that I know of). I would kind of be expecting a 'No' response anyway and it would only be an invite to the ceremony - I suppose i see the invite as a Thank you to him.