A Note on Reflecting

"Reflection" is a standard tool in most forms of talk therapy. And it is certainly very helpful. But like all tools, it can become blunt from overuse.

I feel tempted to say to T: "I hope your listening to this and not just parroting it back."

Verry true. Sometimes my t doesnt seem to get what i am talking about even thou she is repeating stuff back and im like YOURE NOT LISTENING TO ME!! And she says i AM listening! No youre NOT! Usually she actually IS, but thats beside the point i guess. I need to feel HEARD. Not just have my words said back to me. My heart needs to be heard, not just my voice.

Yeah, are you afraid he'll say, "parroting it back, parroting it back?"

When he does that again, ask him to explain what he has said back to you. Then you both will know if he is listening or just parroting. Good luck!

The psychotherapist that i used to have did this. That's all the therapy entailed... her parroting things back. Not helpful whatsoever. Needless to say I dont go to her anymore

Ugh. I hate it when I can clearly see that T is applying a tactic or strategy...seems so...intentional and robotic....Blech.

Luckily, it rarely happens....but when he's able to articulate what I'm saying in a different way, I do find it helpful...knowing he's listening.

But if all it is, is a technique of listening and regurgitation....

I do trust my T is listening and cares...so I'm choosing not to think otherwise. But the thought does feel yucky.

I don't like it when people parrot things back to me. It is frustrating because it does feel like the other is not listening. I'm fortunate my T doesn't use this technique. I can tell whether or not I was heard or understood because she either asks for clarification if she doesn't understand or asks a question related to what I've said.

happened to me Monday. i said something. she reflected it. i asked 'what do you mean?' she said i was reflecting what you said.

Whose on first? What's on second.

A main founder of "reflecting", Carl Rogers, came to dislike the term. In his later life he preferred to say that he was "Testing Understandings" or "Checking Perceptions":

Exactly!

My T wouldn't say that, but I've known one who might.
Jerk.

I don't think T has ever parroted back. She amazes me when she actually hands what I've said back to me with a new angle to it.

I know - she will say, 'but flip that over' - and I just stare at her! then she tells me what she means and I am amazed.

My T has never been a parroter either. Good thing. It would be irritating.