[lotsofq]

Possible trigger for SI.


So, i had an amazing session with T yesterday. For the first time in my life I felt safe and could actually open up and share. You would think this is all great...but now its a different story.

I always have to be in control, and that is not how I feel now. Not because of something specifi, just in general. I don't know what to do...all of these desires from my past are swirling around me. I want to cut, and I want to stick my fingers down my throat, and I want to drive recklessly. I feel like I am just going to ball my eyes out, but I don't cry. I can't...never have been able to. I just feel so broken.

I should be happy. Someone please tell me that they have been through this and it gets easier!

[lotsofq]

Originally Posted by lotsofq

I want to cut, !

Yep...I did. for the first time in about 5 years. And it felt good! I feel soooo much better. Anyway, now I am supposed to call my T and let him know. I don't even know what kind of a message to leave! I mean am I seriously supposed to say "hey T, just letting you know i f***** up and cut myself. have a great day!"

Yes I've been through that and worse. With therapy and my desire to change it has got better.