dependency blues

Today I am feeling sort of sad because I am trying so hard to break the bond with my T because I feel i am becoming to dependent upon her. I enjoy our time together and don't look forward to the day we terminate, because I know one day it will. Really would like to call her and ask for a check in but that sounds so needy. Why cant I be a big girl and stop needing some one else to comfort me?

if you are still feeling that needy, then i dont think you are close to terminating, in which case, i think it would be fine to ask for a check in. sometimes we have to make sure its ok to be safe before we are ready to let go

((AitW))

I thought I had something to add but it turns out I don't.

My new therapist said that this comes from a child-like part of us and said this in a very non-judgmental and accepting manner. The first step is accepting this part of you, and I guess you are able to integrate it after this.

But with time you work through those feelings & your need for T changes your taking how you feel now & thinking that's how it will lways be. Perhaps because your original earliest relationship has never been resolved. You were supposed to remain dependent. Therapist don't need your dependency they will work through it with you.

I feel exactly the same. It's very hard. I've reached the point of needing to work with T directly on those needy feelings because they won't go away alone. Rather than worrying about termination and grief alone, maybe try to reach out to T and admit how you're feeling so you can work through it together.

Thanks everyone that responded. I know I should be open to leaning on my T but I was taught to depend on no one but myself, so this is such a new concept. I love working with her and do need her support and closeness, just letting her in on it is hard.

Did you know that you can have a close bond with your T without being dependent? I hope that can be reassuring that you needn't break the bond just to "fix" being dependent. Why don't you share your worries about being too dependent with your T and together explore and work on that? At some point, you may be able to be more independent and you will still have that close bond with your T. Having a close bond can help you become less dependent as time passes. Having a close bond helps you do the work.

When I began therapy and began to worry that I was too dependent, I challenged my T. I was angry that I had such needy feelings and it bothered me a lot, a lot.

She told me it was 'attachment'. Honestly, that didn't make me feel any better. I was in an emotionally needy place and she was the place where I got the support I needed.

I studied the whole attachment in therapy process and I learned how necessary it is for healing from tough stuff. I depended on my T. She was a safe place to put my fears and my struggles. I could count on her and she never let me down.

Now, I do not feel that kind of neediness or dependency. I am much more stable and centered. I know for a fact, though, that that period of attachment to her was very effective in my emotional growth. And it got me to the place where I am now.

So, I'd say, do not worry about it. It is part of the process and it can be very helpful. If you'd like more in-depth info about how important these feelings can be in therapy, read the book, "Attachment in Psychotherapy" by David Wallin. It was that book that helped me accept and value those emotions.

Thanks for the suggestion I like doing my own reading on the whole therapy process because that is my ultimate goal to become a LMSW and have my own practice. I do understand the aattachment and that I never had it as a child and am looking for it now, it stills scares me how needy I have become when I was always the strong one everyone came to. I will by the book this week.