do i trust what was said

in T today we talked about two things first was that i have been seeing her for 3 years,and second was how i view people in this world.

it has been a long scary road. my T pointed out that this month it is 3 years that i have been seeing her. i completely panicked in my head i just knew she hated me AGAIN. she asked if i felt that i have been helped at all .i wanted her to just shut up so bad.i couldn't talk.i knew none of this was good i just wanted to hide.i was so convinced she hated me.so far in my head i didn't want to see her or hear what she was going to say next.silence. i grabbed my T bag and held on to it.she asked me if i was scared and if she had said something that had scared me.i felt if i didn't say something she was going to kick me to the curb.i felt like what did i have to loose. she asked very quietly what it meant when i grabbed my T bag like i did.i shook my head yes .and she said she was so sorry for scaring me like that,she said that she could have worded that better.i felt so bad for her.i didn't want her feeling bad at all but stupid me couldn't say a word.not one.she said so many nice things and was so hard on herself .she said she didn't want to scare me that she had just thought it would be a good thing to start a conversation..she kind of just threw her hands up and said i really have backed myself in a corner,haven't i?i felt so bad i totally knew how she felt. i just said no your not .that my head just automatically goes that way. she seemed to understand.i kind of told her about how when i was in hospitals and residential treatment homes .any time goals were brought up it meant i was being sent to a more restrictive place .so every time she brings it up i panic.she totally got that and i felt bad because she was like,i should have known that you would go there. she said that i should know that there is no limit to my sessions at all. that i am able to continue seeing her as long as i want that i don't have to go anyplace and that she isn't going anyplace at all.that she wants to work with me as long as i want her to. she said she accept me for whoever i am. weather i am feeling like i need her help or not,weather i am in a bad place or having a good day.she said i have no limit and she isn't going to sent me away and that i can take as long as i need.she looked like she meant what she said.but i read here about how T have said this and then the next session has said that the can no longer work with the person.do i believe her.i want to believer her more then anything.i want so badly to believe that no matter who i am she will stay with me as long as i need her to be.would you believe it.it is a huge commitment. now i think ill start a new thread about what she had to say about how i view people

I believe this, I kinda hafto. I asked my T today - after what, 7 years, how does he put up with my being sick NOW - which I keep trying to tell him is temporary, which idk but I think so. but it's really hard to think of him as caring, cus all my mother wanted was for me not to be a bother but boy she kept me hanging on.

I am so glad that you told her that it scared you and that she said what she did.

She seems so caring. I think you can trust her.

Granite, your T is going no where, regardless of others T are doing. Trust her you have no reason not too.

I think you are making huge steps of progress the last two sessions. Is this the first time you've talked to your T about being in hospitals and group homes? You are learning to open your mouth and speak. Also your T is being very good with reassuring you. I don't believe your T is going to abandon you. She seems like a very good T. It sounds like she understands why talking about progress/lack of progress would be triggering for you.

I'm so happy for you!!

Yes, this.

CHOPIN--she knows about some of it from her asking in our first meeting but no details.i never talked to her about that at all.i told her about how every time goals came up it was never good.
in hospitals i was sent to state hospitals because i wasn't able to deal .and from one residential treatment to hospitals because i couldnt accomplish the seemingly impossible goals
sent to even more restrictive programs.
my T says that she believes they truely were trying to help me at the time but she wished they had been able to do it in a way that didn't leave me feeling like i failed.she isn't going to do that to me. that is what she said.

I think you can trust her. She sounds like a keeper.

I have the same issues with my t, and I feel so much better when she gives me those reassurance. I am happy that your t was able to reassure u like that, and I think that fact that she said that means that you can trust her. Because ts are really careful about what they say and I don't think she would have said that if it wasn't true.

Hi Granit,
Sounds like such a good session for you today! Yes I think you can trust her!

at last, Granite, some of those things got said (by both sides) that i have been longing to hear you report. Thank you so much for sharing this.

I wonder if you can see how much strength you show in what you write here. You are making progress.

And as for trusting T... this is how life goes. We just do the best we can. Hugs to you

seriously good stuff granite. You and your T are moving in the right direction. I am so happy for you.

Great work granite!

Do you think that you opened up to her because you felt compassion for her?

why in my head do i convince myself that this is not real my T is tricking me.i don't want to feel this way

its ok, granite. its HARD to let go of those very thick defenses you've built up over your life. this is why you are posting here to remind yourself we are on your side!

Any insight into this granite?

Maybe because too many health workers have lied to you?