[healed84]

I guess this is a question aimed at those who are not criers, or keep the emptions in.

I have cried once in T and we are coming up on almost a year. The one time that I cried was b/c I was having a flashback and panic attack came afterwards. When I have panic attacks I cry.. that is the only time I cry. Last Friday before my last appointment with T, I had that feeling like I could just break down and cry at any mintue and just sob. I thought for sure that it would come out at T appointment that day, but the emotions just didn't come.

In some ways, I just want to let it all out.. I have heard a good cry is cleansing, it might feel good to let it all out.. And T feels like a safe place to do that. I just want to let my guard down.. Can anybody identify with me??

I want to curl up in a ball behind the couch and rock back and forth.

I do cry in therapy and it doesn't make me feel better at all, just makes me feel weak.

I think it could be helpful for some people though.

[northgirl]

Yes, Yes, Yes. I want to be able to so badly. All those emotions, hidden inside, and when I can't describe them it's so frustrating. But I think it's so confusing and wrong when people confuse not being able to cry with trust issues. I couldn't feel more trusting and safe in T but just can't do it.

Healed are you afraid of crying in therapy? Are you afraid you will be vulnerable or weak? Or are you not a crier in general? I ask because tears are healing...whenever I feel bad which is a lot lately I allow myself to cry and it feels good like I am cleansing out my emotions. Afterwards I always feel better. It might noe wrok for everyone but it sure works for me.

[sconnie892]

Yes! I have never cried in t and I've been seeing her well over a year. Sometimes I hold back because I have to go to work and don't want to look like a mess of mascara. This week has been really hard if there was ever a time to breakdown, this would be it....except I would probably want t to hold me as I sob and I don't think she touches patients.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by northgirl

Yes, Yes, Yes. I want to be able to so badly. All those emotions, hidden inside, and when I can't describe them it's so frustrating. But I think it's so confusing and wrong when people confuse not being able to cry with trust issues. I couldn't feel more trusting and safe in T but just can't do it.

Yeah, I don't think trust issues and crying are related. I often cry in therapy and I have GIANT trust issues. I don't trust T yet. Doesn't affect my crying at all.

[elysia]

Hola,

Self-admitted "bottler" here. I wasn't "allowed" to cry growing up and I still rarely cry, esp in front of people. The only time I can cry is with people I feel safe with, and people who I know will be nurturing and non judgmental.

Sometimes I used to have this fantasy that I would have a T that I would have a warm and comfortable relationship with.... and I could just cry in her arms. I know that will never happen. The closest I came was with body worker T. When I was upset a few years ago I broke down and sobbed, and she came over to me and rubbed my back and hand. I felt like hell crying but being nurtured during that experience was comforting and grounding. Never in my life had I ever felt so safe or accepted. So while I don't have the connection to my T to cry, I do still sort of fantasize that one day I could find a T to help me feel safe enough to express the hurt I keep so carefully locked away.

[DayBreakAlchemist]

Yes defiantly, I am exactly what you described but I haven't ever broken down, my best friends are going through things at the moment that are worst than my problems and they break down usually. I feel I have to be strong for them, albeit I'm only 13 and I feel I shouldn't have to go through this at the same time. But I've never really been one of those people that cry in public yet some times I feel I just want to sob and cry about how bad my life has gotten. But I feel guilty because my friends are what are causing this and I don't want to feel this way.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by button30

Healed are you afraid of crying in therapy? Are you afraid you will be vulnerable or weak? Or are you not a crier in general? I ask because tears are healing...whenever I feel bad which is a lot lately I allow myself to cry and it feels good like I am cleansing out my emotions. Afterwards I always feel better. It might noe wrok for everyone but it sure works for me.

I am afraid to cry most places.. For sure, it makes me feel way too vunerable.. like I can't other see that weak side of me. I have made a couple of exceptions (well not that I could stop myself from crying those times) at funerals over the years. In general, no crying. Oh, and panic attacks.. tears just come when I have panic attacks and as much as I want control over that.. I don't!

I almost never cry anywhere else but therapy. It's weird and I hate it. I am going to tell him I hate it.

I hope you all can find some relief if you cry.

Originally Posted by healed84

I am afraid to cry most places.. For sure, it makes me feel way too vunerable.. like I can't other see that weak side of me. I have made a couple of exceptions (well not that I could stop myself from crying those times) at funerals over the years. In general, no crying. Oh, and panic attacks.. tears just come when I have panic attacks and as much as I want control over that.. I don't!

Healed ,
Crying is a normal human reaction, its nothing to be afraid of or being vulnerable but I can understand your need to hide it. Did you ever talk to your T about this? Maybe it will be part of your healing to be able to release of all those pent up emotions you are hiding so well from T.

Originally Posted by healed84

I guess this is a question aimed at those who are not criers, or keep the emptions in.

I have cried once in T and we are coming up on almost a year. The one time that I cried was b/c I was having a flashback and panic attack came afterwards. When I have panic attacks I cry.. that is the only time I cry. Last Friday before my last appointment with T, I had that feeling like I could just break down and cry at any mintue and just sob. I thought for sure that it would come out at T appointment that day, but the emotions just didn't come.

In some ways, I just want to let it all out.. I have heard a good cry is cleansing, it might feel good to let it all out.. And T feels like a safe place to do that. I just want to let my guard down.. Can anybody identify with me??

nooooo I hate crying in T..it makes me feel weak & stupid...but sometimes I end up crying anyway, I just can't keep the tears in. But when I cry I also don't talk, and the session is wasted. So I try not to.

[Anne2.0]

The work I do with people involves them crying a lot. I sometimes tear up too. I used to be a complete bottler, and thought people were weird for crying in front of others. Lots of times people apologize for crying, and I wave my hands at them and say it doesn't bother me. It doesn't either, and so my work has totally normalized that people often cry when they talk about things that made them sad. It's also normal, though, that people don't cry when they are sad, although that is less common in my experience. The stuff that people talk about is really sad and how they emotionally react is individual.

I cry often in T. I'm comfortable crying. I don't find it cathartic or particularly healing in and of itself, but it does help me not to try to stop crying. I feel more whole when how I feel inside matches what I express. Crying is only one way to express emotion, and I have generally tried to be more expressive in general-- frustration, fear, anxiety, contentment. I think I may have more difficult with emotional expression besides crying.

[stopdog]

It does not bother me if others cry and I understand a lot of people find it makes them feel better. Students, clients, friends all come to me to cry and I guess I am not horrible to be around while they do it because they come back and do it more. I have never had the urge to cry with them.
Nor have I have had the urge to cry or otherwise breakdown in a therapy appointment. Or really anywhere. I have cried and probably will again when my remaining parent dies or one of my dogs dies. But it does not make me feel better. Just sad and wet and snotty instead of just sad without the snotty wetness. And I prefer to be alone. Crying around others, even those who are kind and so forth, does not help.

[feralkittymom]

I've never been a crier in front of people. Lots of hiding and crying as a child, but it wasn't safe to cry in front of my mother.

The first appointment with my T, I spent at least half the time in tears. Not little misty-eyed tears, either: big, ugly, red-faced tears. I kept apologizing and saying that I never do this. Each time he said, "It sounds like you've needed to for a long time." And "It's safe to feel here."

I cried a lot in therapy. Now, I rarely feel a need to cry, but when I do, the tears come freely.

And I agree that crying and trust aren't necessarily related. Nor do I think crying is necessarily cleansing. I think it just is--or isn't.

[QuietCat]

I identify a lot. I think I probably need to just seriously cry in T, but I just can't let my guard down.

[granite1]

kind of but i know i never will.to scared

[Chopin99]

Healed, it's hard for me to cry, period. Even harder to cry in front of other people. I cried Saturday and I found it somewhat cathartic, but I was miserable afterward. Stuffy nose, headache, eyes hurt and blurry, face hurt the rest of the day.

I was taught as a child not to cry, it solved nothing and actually could make things worse... I can cry at a Latter Day Saints commercials or movies ,but not anything related to my own feelings.

I was taught to never ever cry, ever. Trained not to. Even though part of my job has been to take in broken, upset kids&teens and comfor them while they cried.

There are four of us alters who are bottlers/non-criers. We stuff EVERYTHNG.
our t is big on letting emotions out. We are not so much into that!

However, when we went to visit her last month, and were spending 10-12 hour days with our T, several times at night we each got into huge discussions about childhood stuff with T. And i know that three of us ended up crying pretty hard, the third one,who happens to be a teenage alter with whom i have very little co-conciousness (i dont know much of what he does/says) reportedly (according to T) broke down at some point for a couple of minutes. which i find hard to believe, but T says its true.

I get a major amount of shoulder and back pain from holding my feelings in. According to my t, the more i let my feelings out, the more i let myself cry, the less pain i will be in. Often, any time i do cry in front of her (rare but it happens) i usually do feel a lot better physically the next day. Wierd.

[KazzaX]

I don't cry during therapy. I don't really want to cry during therapy, lol. But the therapist says I have to so I am going to have to do it one way or another!

[feralkittymom]

Saying you have to cry seems just as bizarre as forbidding you to cry to me.

[bamapsych]

Originally Posted by healed84

I guess this is a question aimed at those who are not criers, or keep the emptions in.

I have cried once in T and we are coming up on almost a year. The one time that I cried was b/c I was having a flashback and panic attack came afterwards. When I have panic attacks I cry.. that is the only time I cry. Last Friday before my last appointment with T, I had that feeling like I could just break down and cry at any mintue and just sob. I thought for sure that it would come out at T appointment that day, but the emotions just didn't come.

In some ways, I just want to let it all out.. I have heard a good cry is cleansing, it might feel good to let it all out.. And T feels like a safe place to do that. I just want to let my guard down.. Can anybody identify with me??

I have never cried in therapy. Been going for about 14 months now. I completely understand where you're coming from. I hate to be feeling something and then get to therapy and freeze up. T makes me feel too good to cry or have negative emotions. I can remember maybe 2-3 times where I felt like I wanted to cry but couldn't. It is healthy to let it all out, and T is a safe place to do that. Good luck to you.

[MASIMO]

I cant think of a better place to cry, with your therapist.
I couldn't for years, now often. I feel totally safe with him,
he is used to dealing with it, it doesn't seem to phase him.
Yes, it's carthartic for me. Let yourself go, I dont think it's
a sign of weakness, I think it's a sign you and your T have a strong
relationship that can heal.