[CantExplain]

If I sleep in the same bed as W, I don't get a good night's sleeps, because:
1. We disagree on temperature.
2. We disagree on bed time.
3. Her breathing machine makes a lot of noise.

But if we sleep in different beds, I feel lonely and abandoned.

Nevertheless, at the moment I think sleep quality is more important.

[elliemay]

Go with the sleep quality for sure. Lack of sleep just makes every thing worse.

[harvest moon]

I always go with the sleeping quality, since I also find it extremely difficult to share a bed! Plus, I need my own covers, because I tend to wrap them around me, like a sausage!

[mixedup_emotions]

I'd imagine there could be some compromise involved.....like making a ritual of snuggling on the couch for a period of time before going to bed.

[Anne2.0]

I know quite a few happy couples who decide in middle age or in their later years that separate beds result in not only better sleep, but better relationships because someone isn't grumpy from lack of sleep. So I think that this may be more common than people talk about. The cultural stereotype is that people who sleep in separate rooms have some kind of fake marriage and/or don't have any s*x; neither of these things is necessarily true.

My H doesn't have a c-pap machine, but he does sometimes snore really loudly, and I sometimes move to the guest room because of it. I'm not sure if I feel lonely as a result; it's just different.

But we rarely go to bed at the same time, so I think it doesn't have to be a deal breaker for sleeping in the same bed (at least for us). On temperature, it's hard for the person who is too hot to get cooler but the person who is cooler can throw on an extra blanket. Have you tried separate comforters or blankets? I know people who have 2 twin sized comforters/blankets on their queen or king size bed to accommodate both people. Also, we have an electric mattress warmer in the winter (and down comforter on top, bliss) and it has separate controls. I sometimes have it way up and he doesn't even have his side on. Works for us.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I think there might be things to try if sleeping together is what would work best for you, but it would also be nice to feel okay with sleeping apart.

[sunrise]

Why does going to bed at two different times prevent you from sleeping together? I think it would be rare that both people in a couple would go to bed at exactly the same time. If one person stays up later, then they just come to bed later.

As for temp, keep the room cool (better sleep for everyone) and the one who feels too cold can have an extra blanket or two. Easy.

The CPAP machine: this is harder. There are bedside "boxes" they sell for the machines to help with the noise. You put the machine inside the insulated box and it cuts down on the noise a lot, or so I've heard. Also, there are different settings on the machines that can affect how noisy they are. I use a machine and it was fairly quiet and all was good. Then my doctor changed a setting on the machine and it became very noisy. I couldn't sleep for about 2 months. Finally, I went back to the doc and he changed it back. Better sleep for me and partner... The respiratory therapist can also sometimes help with this, as there are non-prescribed settings that can be adjusted too.

One thing that struck me was the way you worded the reasons you may not want to sleep together anymore. "We disagree on temperature" and "We disagree on bedtime." It sounds so conflictual. Why do you have to disagree on these things? Just because two people have different sleep preferences doesn't mean you have to turn it into a disagreement. Sounds unpleasant to me. Argumentative when it need not be. Yuck! I like harmony....